Partner worse than debtors,will I ever go out again??

learntthehardway_2

I've been a month on my debt management plan (yea only a month) and I now feel like a different person, everything now revolves round not spending, people who helped me on here may remember when I told my woes (being in debt) I had to tell my partner who left........he has now come back....but worse than my debtors.......anything I do he watches me like a hawk (money wise) I know I have to get his trust back but its getting ridiculous :mad: Its my debt and I'm paying it back......£562 month DMP but if I mention works xmas party, night out with brother/wife,anything to make me think I might enjoy xmas comming he goes off on one :mad:
This last month I have stashed away money I have earned £120 (paper round) £150 overtime,£236 car boot sales,£120 saved on shopping and £500 my brother gave me (spend as I like) so in my savings account got £1,116:beer: . I think I deserve night out aint been out for months:o .Should I chuck it at my DMP ?? I wont spend it all....gonna need some for emergencies.......just want a night out to make me feel part human race again.
This month got extra overtime for Decembers pay £400..so I am workin my socks off......What you think??

floss2

Why not split the extra money between your DMP, a night out & emergency savings? Oh and discuss it with your OH - if he thinks you are going to hide any extra cash you get, he may take longer to trust you.

If you pay an extra month on your DMP, you've then got £500 for emergencies, and £54 for a night out - and there's a challenge, to keep within your budget!

Alisonbel

I wouldn't put any towards DMP because if they think you have extra money they may expect it every month also if you pay just one it breaks your agreement with DMP company. Best to keep it in your account then when you have enough saved pay the whole lot off. So your getting a bit of interest aswell. Have a blow out! I've struggled for months and got a bonus this week I got my other bills up straight then when spending got most of my xmas presents and now don't feel so stressed about how I'm going to cope with Xmas. Do you really need your partner?!?!?!?!

ZTD

He's not a control-freak is he?

kittiej

We have debts and the usual bills to pay plus my OH has to pay £113 a week to CSA so he only brings homes around £200 per week for 50 hours at mo.

We are trying to keep on top of things so When the office party list comes round or the works annual dinner dance we don't bother putting our names down.

I get comments from people but I just tell them that when my OH stops having to pay the CSA then we will be able to afford to do things again.

Your OH is probably just worried that the downward spiral will start again.
After all its only been a month.

Can't you arrange to have a nice night in with your OH?

Christmas happens every year so you can always let things calm down a bit for the time being.

How responsible will that look?

If you are open about all money issues then why keep knowledge of your savings account to yourself?

I would be going on about how well I had done being able to save so much money in an account! Well done you!

Keep up the good work!

OliveOyl_2

Having a "Blow out" sounds risky. But you may have gone wothout for so long that you need some treat. Because of your situation you need to know that the spending won't get out of your control again.;)

And I think you need to 'fess up to your OH about the secret stash. He may be controlling because of your previous secret.;)

So my suggestion is set a spend budget for your treat, and have an emergency fund with the remainder. Don't risk your DMP by making unusual payments.;)

Good luck with whatever YOU decide.

SarahNeedle1872

Hi LTHW,

I don't know much about DMP's, but what has been said already sounds like good advice.... If u put ur extra money towards the DMP, it may become expected of u....

Now for ur secret stash.... I'm gonna go against the grain and say that I wouldn't tell ur OH about it..... In fact, I have a sercet stash that my OH doesn't know about (only because if he knew it was there, he would want to spend it!)....

If I were in ur situation, I would decide how much I wanted for a night out, £50 say, and tell ur OH that u saved that from the shopping budget... Surely he's not going to get all het up over £50?
I would save up the rest of the money, maybe splitting it into two pots (one for emergencies, and one to save towards paying ur DMP off early - is that possible? )

HTH

Sarah x

delboypass

With extra money you could write to your credit companies and see if they will accept a final offer 70/80%...then save like crazy...say its money from your brother and hes paying it off..and cut one of them out..

Spirit_2

Hi:hello:

I have just read your other posts. Here is my two pennies worth.

You are 50 years old, own your own home and have responsibility for your 13 year old son and a resident elderly parent.

• You have provided a home and care for a very sick relative, and been bereaved.
• You have accumulated a lot of debt and have now made a longterm plan to tackle it.
• It will impact on your lifestyle, but you have increased to full time working and taken on a 2nd casual job to increase you income
• Your brother who plainly appreciates you has given you 500 pounds to spend as you like. I think the clue to what you should do is in this sentence.

It is probably better to talk to your OH about this now. You are going to be in this situation for a long time. Your OH cannot really believe that he can undermine your brothers intentions in his ('your brothers') gift to you?

You are an adult and unless he is 'keeping you' or you have agreed that he should help you manage your finances what justification/ reason does your OH have for quibbling with how you spend your remaining disposable income?

Enjoy a well deserved treat - whatever it may be.
Spirit