How best to deal with this?

Mr_da

I’m after a bit of advice. I’ve been in my current job 20 plus years with as far as I can see exemplary record. Never late, off sick , or been called into the office etc.
I work as a driver and there is one place I sometimes get sent,which is a nightmare. It’s not that I just don’t like it I actually find it hard to function in there as I get so stressed. Been going there a couple of times a year .
To cut to the short of it I went a few weeks ago and nearly walked out of my job, palpitations etc but didn’t mention it to management. My normal run has gone excessively busy where I’m at the end of my teather but just about coping. My father is seriously depressed which I’m also having to deal with.
Today seen that I have to go to said place again tomorrow, I went to see my manager saying that I’m stressed out and can’t deal with it. He said well that’s no good to me. I have in the past few weeks asked for a job in a different department which I could easily do at a wage decrease to me. But they won’t consider me for as they would struggle to fill my present role.
I said that I’m being straight with you rarther than not turning up in work for a few days. But just stared at me. So now hr are going to get involved. Would I just be better getting another job ASAP before it goes on my reference etc. Ps I know I’m rambling a bit, just stressed with it

Comms69

Yes, get a new job.

There’s no requirement for them to accommodate this; and to be honest saying something like that isn’t a good start.

You are free to apply for any role; including the one advertised, but appointment to this role will be valued against the sway that the new manager holds.

It’s often easier to hire externally than cause friction with colleagues

Fireflyaway

I suppose it depends to what degree going to this location upsets you. Do you actually have to be there for an extended period of time? Is it the people that upset you? Have they done something to you to make you feel this way? I'm not actually asking for an explination, just wondering if something can be changed? 20 years service is a lot to say goodbye to if something could be altered. I know if I were your manager I'd want to know why you feel this way because no employer should feel so unhappy. Maybe the way you explained the issue accidentally came across a bit defiant?
If nothing changes then leave. It's not worth being miserable. I left a well paid job in the summer. I'm now paid peanuts but I'm happy! Don't wish your life away in an unhappy workplace.

Les79

One possible suggestion is to go off sick for a week or two, but only if you are GENUINELY sick (it sounds like your case is genuine from the physical and mental symptoms you mention but only your GP could make that determination).





The manager may well find it difficult to replace you, but the truth of the matter is that they just want an easy life! They probably don't have any qualms with you getting ill, as long as you actually turn up! Its probably only when you start showing that your are ill, or that you leave altogether, that they'll actually bother sorting this issue out.


EDIT: That being said, you can't really FORCE the employer to make changes for you if this is a core part of your job role. It would probably be more of a mix of having some time off to address any health issues you have and *maybe* getting some slight changes in the workplace

jonnygee2

I work as a driver and there is one place I sometimes get sent,which is a nightmare. It’s not that I just don’t like it I actually find it hard to function in there as I get so stressed. Been going there a couple of times a year .

If you changed jobs you'd presumably change to a similar job and the same thing could happen again, or something like it?Taking on a new job after 20 years is, I think, unlikely to decrease your overall stress levels. And in a new job you would have a lot less protection than in your current role, especially if you need to take time off to look after your dad etc.

I think if at all possible you should go to work tomorrow, to avoid a disciplinary. And then explain, both to your manager and HR, carefully why it makes you stressed. Be open to solutions and do not say that you 'won't' do things, because that will come across as a threat.

Try and understand that although this has been bothering you for a while, this is the first your manager has heard about it and it will have taken him by surprise. You are obviously stressed so might have inadvertently come across aggressive or too assertive. If so an apology could go a long way too.

It's possible they will put their foot down and tell you to go anyway. They don't have to be reasonable, but its probably in their interest to be so.

Mr_da

Not actually in there to long, well what should take 20 minutes anywhere else may take 2 hours . Think it’s more to do with the straw which broke the camels back. And me being to honest as where others would just have had a day off. The money is really poor so not sure I could actually take any more than a fifty pence pay decrease in any other job. Think it is time for a change. Shouldn’t dread going to work. And the fact the manager didn’t want to talk it over or ask what the problem was.

Mr_da

jonnygee2 wrote: »

If you changed jobs you'd presumably change to a similar job and the same thing could happen again, or something like it?Taking on a new job after 20 years is, I think, unlikely to decrease your overall stress levels. And in a new job you would have a lot less protection than in your current role, especially if you need to take time off to look after your dad etc.

I think if at all possible you should go to work tomorrow, to avoid a disciplinary. And then explain, both to your manager and HR, carefully why it makes you stressed. Be open to solutions and do not say that you 'won't' do things, because that will come across as a threat.

Try and understand that although this has been bothering you for a while, this is the first your manager has heard about it and it will have taken him by surprise. You are obviously stressed so might have inadvertently come across aggressive or too assertive. If so an apology could go a long way too.

It's possible they will put their foot down and tell you to go anyway. They don't have to be reasonable, but its probably in their interest to be so.

Thanks for the reply and everyone else to. I will be going in , last thing I want to do is go on the sick. I really think it is the job that is getting to me, my dad is a background issue which on the whole I can deal with. Other parts of life are fine and usually quite happy , but as soon as get to work and the depressing feel of the place (very high turnover rate) feel stressed out and pressurised from moment of clocking on to clocking off.

Savvy_Sue

Too late for now, so I hope it went OK, but it's always worth seeing if you can present a solution rather than a problem. And if you have to present a problem, flagging it as a problem sooner rather than later usually does no harm.

For example, if the last time you went to this place you had come back and explained that you'd felt really stressed and unwell while there, and wondered if there was any way of not having to go there again, they would at least have had some notice. I don't know if there is anyone else who could do this job, but a bit of discussion about that would be a good start.

Then there's the issue of why things there are so difficult. Obviously your boss has little control over the situation there, but may be able to influence.

I don't know what the issues are, but if, for example, you're making a delivery but they're not organised to receive it, and you then have to take extra time because of their lack of organisation, your boss may be able to get this across, and perhaps suggest that unless they can resolve this, there will be an extra charge.

I'm thinking of an issue which we sometimes have a particular company: we can only accept their deliveries in the mornings. When a new driver starts, they are not always told this, so we sometimes get off to a bad start because they want to deliver, and we have to say no, sorry, come back tomorrow morning. I imagine that plays havoc with the new driver's schedule, but once it's established that we're delighted to see them in the mornings, it's fine.

But remember your manager has a job to do as well, so just saying "I can't do this" without any warning or suggested solution - well he's right, that's no use to him!