I Need Advice

michelle43

hi

let me tell you my story, when i was 18 i got mixed up with this guy who ended up leaving me with 30 grand of debt. i began to work like a trojan in order to pay it off i felt so ashamed that i had been used! so for the last 9 years i have done a minimum of 95 hours a week to get this dealt with. I found a real nice guy and got married and now with only 3 small months left till i am debt free i decided to stop working as much as it is taking its toll on me (my husband agreed!) my boss wanted me to do the same job for less money so i am no longer there but it was fine cause i needed a break still getting paid to next month so thought i would take my time getting another job go back to college maybe like i said 3 small tiny tiny months and debt free, the first in my adult life and so couldnt wait. 3 small months! last night my husband sat me down and told me he had a problem after weeks of giving me the silent treatment he spoke!!!!! he told me he was in debt from his previous relationship to the sum of over 15 grand. I feel like someone has shot me! i know i have been paying off my debt but i worked so hard and earned good money and he never wanted for anything as i did everything i could to pay off my debt and have a nice life with him.. HEre is where i need your advice i have never done the things most people do in their 20s as i have worked 16 hours a day 7 days a week for practically 9 years and now i think its the time when my husband and i are going to enjoy the finer things in life, get a morgage maybe just really have a nice normal life without worry. am i being selfish????? or do i just bite my lip and get another few jobs doing silly hours a week to pay off his debts, is this all i was put on earth for?? to pay off mens debts. i feel like crap and need help before i reach for the (cheap) gin bottle!!!!

nzmegs

Your husband should have told you about this long ago and I am guessing you are feeling let down because he hasn't been honest with you. But if you feel he is worthwhile (and I suppose he must be if you married him) then you both need to work together to become debt free. i know it is easy to see it as his problem but in the long run it is yours too as it will affect both your lives.
Between the two of you, you could have this paid off in a year and then you can start a totally debt free and relaxed life. But he has to work hard too and you need to make it clear that you expect him to make the same effort that you make and that you are both working towards the same goal.
If you work together on this there should be no need for 7 day weeks and long hours. make a plan, make a budget, cut back your hours, increase his hours and look at this as one last hurdle to cross.
Good luck.

Donedoingdebt

No, you're not being selfish. Like myself, you've been in long working hours / debt repayment mode for a long time & having this suddenly thrust on you probably feels quite crushing.
Having said that, the problem has now arrived.
First of all, he should stop giving you the silent treatment & start coming up with some ideas on how he's going to pay these debts. I assume he's not hoping that you'll carry on working these hours to bail him out?
He may not like it, but as you've had 9 years experience, give him some of your ideas (work longer, reduce outgoings etc.)
If you can see him making an effort then perhaps you can still reduce your hours but perhaps by not as much, so you're making a joint effort to get debt free asap.
You could do worse than direct him to this site.
Finally, you'll find cider is probably cheaper than gin!

poppy10_2

Look after yourself honey, don't work so hard just to pay off his debts - after all, he might just leave you after the debts are settled.

Shineyhappy

Hiya,

No wonder you are devastated! I would be too. I have always been very honest with my OH about my debt and I would be very hurt if all of a sudden he said he had debt after 10 months of knowing I had!

Has he been working hard to pay his debt off? To me it seems like he could have told you the truth and you both could have cut back loads in the short term to have a better future. What steps has he taken to sort out his debts?

You NEED to stop working such long hours and 7 day weeks!! I would not work myselve to the bone for someone who lied about their debt. My OH supports me and helps me to list things on Ebay, Amazon, puts up with me entering comps in the evening, or spending hours fiddling on Excel. He has offered to lend me money and when I brought my flat I did borrow 500 pounds from him but I paid him back. I would not expect him to work 7 day weeks for me, even if we were married.

How much has your OH helped you whilst you were struggling to pay off your debts?

Do NOT lend him any money nor transfer any of the debts into your name! I am sorry if I come across as harsh but the last thing you need is even the remotist possibility of him walking off once the debts are in your name

svmitche

In the end you have to do what is right for both of you but even if you do have to go back to working more hours DO NOT bite your lip and do so. You MUST let him know how disappointed you are!!

Equally though you have to let him know that you will help him in any way you can, so just vent a bit, let him know how you feel then draw a line under it. You are married and although he has dented your trust you have said that you are happy together and looking forward to a nice life. Keep on looking forward to this, but it will just take a little longer with BOTH of you putting in some effort. It would be irresponsible of you to just leave him to it, but he must understand that you are not responsible for his debts - he is, so if you are going to help him you expect 110% from him in return.

You are not being selfish, but justy step back from it and ask yourself if he is worth it and if the life you could have in as little as a year from now is worth it too.

Good luck most of all!

chevalier

You are in an excellent position to advise him with all of your debt busting experience.IF he will take the advice. So get him signed up to all the click sites that you do and then he can too. Does his current job mean he could do mystery shopping, say in his lunch hour, or evenings? Again would make a bit of money that way. Can he pay his debts or is he struggling. If the former then it is a case of reining in the spending which you can do together now you know. If the latter, then he needs to make the extra effiort with an extra job.

And I agree with Shineyhappy about not transferring debt into your name. But is he being efficient with his money, ie can he get a life of balance credit card to transfer any high apr debt onto etc
best of luck
chev