Realisation and what to do?

darratks

Hi,

I will try and keep this as short as possible, but it may become quite long so I apologise in advance. Basically my debt had spiralled out of control to around £20,000. I used to suffer from severe anxiety and borderline depression and the more depressed or anxious I got the more i spent and spent. This spending gave me 3-4 days (what I thought was) happiness, but like all new purchases whether your mentally il or not, the thrill soon wore off. I used so spend a lot on credit cards mostly near Christmas and birthdays as my aim was to make the people I loved as happy as I could, and not really think about how the debt would eventually effect me. I thought if I made the people I love happy then id feel happy, which I did but then that just turned into more debt and depression. This lasted about 3 years and my now wife had no idea. Deep down I knew that one day id have to mention it and it did. My wife was very shocked and slightly and deservedly angry at me for hiding this, but comforted me and assured me I could get through it. I immediately destroyed my credit cards and ordered a new debit card (as I had memorised my old one from continuously entering the details when buying things online) Now that my wife knows she has been fantastic. It may sound a bit strange but she has taken my debit card, works out my money after bills and credit card payments, then gives me my money every Sunday. This works for me but I still get a few days when my anxiety is high and I just want to be alone in my home. My wife made me realise that it is just money in the end and that I have my house and loving family still and they will always be there. The only thing effecting my mental health now is the frustration of bringing those debts back to zero. I currently have around £20 per week to spend on whatever I like, which seems OK, but I'm never going to be realistically save up for a holiday or other things. I have read a lot about StepChange and how excellent they are but also have read online that it might be a bit difficult to help as I pay my debts on time every month and that I have a small amount of money left over too. I had an idea of asking my parents to take out a loan and then I pay them every month, then every six months or so, search for a loan in my name (as I will be debt free on my credit report) then take that loan back off my parents. I was hoping someone may have some suggestions or help?

I did rant on a bit in the end but thanks for listening.

Willing2Learn

I just stopped by to say well done in confiding with your wife. If you continue to allow her to take the lead with your finances, then that should address the 'spending spree' symptom of your mental health. Are getting any help and support from your GP?

As far as getting advice on this board goes. I would suggest posting up your SOA (Statement of Affairs). It allows the us, and you, to see the exact extent of your debts, and helps us to give better advice. Just don't forget to click on the 'format for MSE' button at the bottom of the form

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

Edit: And welcome to the forum darratks

darratks

Thanks for the quick reply,

Before posting my thread I said to myself to complete my SOA but got lost in trying to limit my story becoming so long. I'll do that tomorrow as I'm off to work soon. My wife has been a life saver, she can literally live off about £10 a week if she wanted too.

Thanks again for the help.

darratks

Sorry I missed something. A mixture of help from my GP, family and wife brought me back to realise that although I'm in a bit of a hole, it is only money and I'm that I'm now on the path to getting things on track

System

Exactly. £20k whilst it may sound a lot isn't the end of the world and we have people on here who have successfully managed to pay off several times that although admittedly it has taken a long time. You have lots of people to support you and help you which is the biggest help you can get.

You say you're not going to be able to save up for holidays and things but I expect that won't be an issue if your wife is as money savvy as she sounds as you'll likely find she's squirrelling money away for such things with the advantage that whilst they may not be as frequent as in the past they'll be paid for with cash you have.

Stepchange absolutely can help someone who is meeting their bills every month as many people do do so but at the expense of doing things like buying food. Many of those using foodbanks actually earn enough money to feed themselves but because they incorrectly prioritise paying debts over buying food have insufficient to feed themselves.

NelliePie

I just want to echo what others have said and say well done for taking the first steps in realising/admitting you have a problem and then the next step of telling your wife. Having someone support you is going to make this much easier to go through than trying to do it alone/hiding it.

Again like others, I'd suggest sick with your wife helping you out for a while so you can focus on your mental health - it's way more important than money. Then when you're ready I'd advise filling in the SOA and try to be as accurate as possible - use real figures from your past month/few months expenditures so you know where you are spending. At the end there is a line telling you how much you should have left for debt repayments - if you have this great. If you don't have this you need to figure out where it's going so maybe a spending diary could help. If you feel comfortable posting it on here users are usually very kind and helpful in suggesting where you can make changes but even if you don't it's useful to know where you stand.

Good luck!