grandparents saving for g'children? advice please?

Terry_Towelling

I'm confused (doesn't take much these days).

Am I right to believe that two of the children are from a former relationship of your SIL and the third child was borne by your daughter in this relationship (or even a previous relationship of hers)? If this is right, I'm guessing that the parents of the SIL are perceiving there to be a difference in treatment between the children from their son's previous relationship and the child of your daughter and this is causing stress and problems?

I'm not snooping, I'm just trying to get to grips with the context. If I've got it wrong please say so or tell me to butt out.

Regardless of the underlying context, it sounds like a real issue for all of you and your desire to save for all three children is to be respected and admired.

So, it would probably be best to let things lie for a while and put money away into a savings account in your name until things have been resolved. You can then resume niceties and will have a ready made kitty to draw from.

If you are truly concerned about dying before things get resolved then maybe something in your Will to ensure the money goes the right way might be a good idea but, if it isn't a lot (as you have intimated) then the possible costs of altering your Will might make it a pointless exercise.

At least with a savings account you will get some interest added - the large jar won't do that for you.

thegirlsmum

i'm sorry, i haven't gone into enough detail.2 daughters both married once but the daughter that has 2 children with her husband has very overbearing in laws. her husband will not/cannot stand up to them but is quite happy to lay the law down for my daughter and myself and husband. my problem has always been that he doesn't have the b...ls to stand up to his parents who want to lay the law down over everything but expects my daughter and us to do whathewants and even what his parents want.
so i feel i have been jumping through hoops for them. my own little piece of rebellion is to still save up for the boys but just not tell him for a year or two lol.

Terry_Towelling

Aha, all becomes a bit clearer.

Can't really say how to resolve the underlying relationship issues but I understand the desire to treat the grandchildren equally.

So, all I would suggest is keep treating the child from the untroubled relationship as you are and open a savings account for the other children (in your name) and wait until things get resolved (hopefully) before doing anything with that money. It isn't really rebellion (as you call it) and there's no reason why anyone else needs to know how you choose to save your money and to whom you ultimately choose to give it.

Your frustrations are understandable but you probably have no control over the SIL or his parents and attempting to come between them, or to influence his relationship with them, is probably going to create even bigger problems. Do you have any kind of relationship with the SIL's parents because what you are describing is clearly driving a wedge between you all and causing terrible stress?

Mojisola

Terry_Towelling wrote: »

So, all I would suggest is keep treating the child from the untroubled relationship as you are and open a savings account for the other children (in your name) and wait until things get resolved (hopefully) before doing anything with that money.

Will those children understand that they have been given the same amount of money spread over years when you hand over a lump sum to their cousins?

xylophone

Does the child in the untroubled relationship already have a "pocket money" account"?

If so, you could ask the parents for the bank details and simply transfer your chosen gift weekly/monthly by faster payment or you could use a standing order?

It is easy enough to obtain a birth certificate so you could open child accounts in bare trust for the other two and hand over at age 18?

https://www.skipton.co.uk/savings/childrens/childrens-saver

https://www.bathbuildingsociety.co.uk/savings/personal-savings-and-investments/supersaver

Terry_Towelling

Mojisola wrote: »

Will those children understand that they have been given the same amount of money spread over years when you hand over a lump sum to their cousins?

They will if someone explains it to them. Potentially, the grandparents could ask the child in the 'untroubled' relationship if they would prefer to have money saved for them in this manner or carry on having it here and there - as suggested by @xylophone.

The fallout from this will be easier to handle than if child A gets money and children B & C don't get any at all.