another desperate lurking newbie...

rae2820

Hello everyone.
I am officially in a mess. I'm a 46 year-old community mental health nurse. I live with my two boys J , 23 & T just 18.I am paralysed with fear over my situation.
My debt story really emerged after my 2nd husband left 4 years ago. He is not the boys father.We had a joint NW loan of almost £22000 when he left & £3000 on a credit card in my name which was at 0% at that time .

I discovered after that not only was he seeing someone else whilst I was at work he had built up a further debt of £10000 on a credit card in my name that I thought had a nil balance.He had been sick from work for over 18 months & problems with Alcohol and cannabis which I knew about to some degree but tried to support him so we were living on my income.


I did seek advice after he left but was not in a position to pay out for solicitors .He refused to contribute towards any of the debt so I just accepted that I would continue to make all payments and felt that was a reasonable price to pay to get him out of my life. He refused a divorce unless I arranged a solicitors letter stating I would take all responsibility for the NW loan, which is a nonsense as if I default I believe he is liable .


My debts now stand at around £42000 and I have had to realise I can't go on as the boys Dad makes his final maintenance payment in August .My youngest is doing another year at college and has some learning problems so struggles.
Life has been difficult ,vets bills, all the old appliances needed replacing in the last 9 months.I have bought through very as well as buying Xmas /birthday presents too. I could have been more stringent with my grocery budget etc but don't buy new clothes etc.

The car needed replacing and the only way I could do this was to get a PCP .My eldest son went to UNI in 2014 after my ex left and has been really unwell with Ulcerative colitis ( diagnosed age 8) and major anxiety disorder because of his health and I was pushing him through this , helping him with living expenses and driving back and forth to Cardiff. I'm happy that he's done so well , got a 2-1,has improved and is just got a part time job so thats good and he contributes £250 a month.We are renting.


Debt outgoings
£10094 ( NW joint loan= £364 per month
£15300 Barclaycard= £369 min payment per month
£10500 Halifax= £200 min payment per month
£1750 Lloyds CC . =£60 per month Min
£2700. Very =£120 min payment
£1000 NW overdraft
£248 per month PCP car


My head won't stop . I have completed the Stepchsnge debt tool and depending on how strict I am with the budget it suggests DMP or IVA :eek: only paying £395- £412 per month total back to creditors.

I did go to Natwest to ask about reconfiguring the loan a few months back, taking the debt on in my name and paying off some CC so lower monthly payments but they refused, saying come back in 6 months as my debts too high.

Do I try and limp on for another few months to see if I can do this? I contacted the credit cards but I couldn't actually say the words I am in financial difficulty. I just made a general enquiry about lowering the interest rate.Lloyds and Halifax declined but the guy at Barclaycard must have read between the lines offered to freeze interest for 2 months saving me £165 per month in interest .


If i go DMP or IVA Will it be in the local papers, will they contact my work? will Very take my appliances with bailiffs ? Should I try and pay that bit off over everything else?

What happens if I do DMP and then need to pay the balloon payment on my car ? I won't be able to save to do that or buy another.I really want to be divorced from my ex but won't be able to even pay for that.
If I don't pay the Natwest loan and open a new bank account elsewhere will they go after my ex as well in respect of the joint loan? I'm not sure where he is but I know where his parents live.

So may questions . I am sorry to be so pathetic & I know I'm catastrophising ! In other areas of my life I am capable , I have a demanding responsible job but i feel such a fake and so ashamed.:(
Thank you all I feel better already knowing you are out there
Any advice welcome.

sourcrates

I have moved your post to the general DFW forum, as the thread you posted in is a support group.

Had to hit the return key a few times as people will not read a Hugh wall of text.
So apologies for that.

sourcrates

Hi,

You really are over thinking things massively, no to the papers, no to the employer contact, an no, no bayliffs! You can keep your washer and stuff, really, where do you get these ideas from ?

From what you have said, you would be best served doing a self managed DMP.

That way you can keep your car, as a priority payment, then split your remaining disposable income between your other debts, and yes, as its a joint loan, they will most likely chase your ex, as you are both liable for the debt, no letter from anyone can change that fact.

Take a deep breath, there is a strategy to this, and its a step by step process.

In a nutshell, your 1st step would be to write to all your creditors explaining your situation, they will put everything on hold for 30 days automatically, no questions asked, during that time, you sort out a workable budget, that leaves you with sufficient money to live.

If you need more time, just tell them so, when your ready, make all your offers of payment to them, get their individual payment details, and just pay whats been agreed, dont look for approval, if they dont like it, they will sell your debt on.

Remember, never bank where you have debts, a new bank account will be a must, take your time, take advice from others, save an emergency fund.

Lots to take in I know, but really easy to do, and will take away the worry.

Good luck.

tlc678910

Hi,

I just wanted to make the suggestion that when you work out a budget to pay your creditors (e.g.DMP) you don't include the money from your eldest son in the calculations. He may choose to move out or need to move for work and you don't want your budget to collapse if he does or for him to feel that he can't leave it it suits him.

You could put his money in a kitty or account for emergencies, to help your son's if they need help and the for the odd treat. You could even save it for the balloon payment on your car or to buy another if the car goes back.

Also is it correct he gives you £250 a week (,working part time) or did you mean a month?

Tlc

Red-Squirrel_2

When you say the boys dad makes his final maintenance payment in August, is this just for the eldest? If the youngest is still in college his payments still carry on don!!!8217;t they?

rae2820

sourcrates wrote: »

I have moved your post to the general DFW forum, as the thread you posted in is a support group.

Had to hit the return key a few times as people will not read a Hugh wall of text.
So apologies for that.

thank you ! just getting to grips with posting !:)

rae2820

sourcrates wrote: »

I have moved your post to the general DFW forum, as the thread you posted in is a support group.

Had to hit the return key a few times as people will not read a Hugh wall of text.
So apologies for that.

tlc678910 wrote: »

Hi,

I just wanted to make the suggestion that when you work out a budget to pay your creditors (e.g.DMP) you don't include the money from your eldest son in the calculations. He may choose to move out or need to move for work and you don't want your budget to collapse if he does or for him to feel that he can't leave it it suits him.

You could put his money in a kitty or account for emergencies, to help your son's if they need help and the for the odd treat. You could even save it for the balloon payment on your car or to buy another if the car goes back.

Also is it correct he gives you £250 a week (,working part time) or did you mean a month?

Tlc

Hi yes, its £250 per month from J. I wanted to be transparent but I guess I need to think a bit longer terms as boys do move out ! You are right , good plan. A kitty is what I need Thanks

rae2820

sourcrates wrote: »

Hi,

You really are over thinking things massively, no to the papers, no to the employer contact, an no, no bayliffs! You can keep your washer and stuff, really, where do you get these ideas from ?

From what you have said, you would be best served doing a self managed DMP.

That way you can keep your car, as a priority payment, then split your remaining disposable income between your other debts, and yes, as its a joint loan, they will most likely chase your ex, as you are both liable for the debt, no letter from anyone can change that fact.

Take a deep breath, there is a strategy to this, and its a step by step process.

In a nutshell, your 1st step would be to write to all your creditors explaining your situation, they will put everything on hold for 30 days automatically, no questions asked, during that time, you sort out a workable budget, that leaves you with sufficient money to live.

If you need more time, just tell them so, when your ready, make all your offers of payment to them, get their individual payment details, and just pay whats been agreed, dont look for approval, if they dont like it, they will sell your debt on.

Remember, never bank where you have debts, a new bank account will be a must, take your time, take advice from others, save an emergency fund.

Lots to take in I know, but really easy to do, and will take away the worry.

Good luck.

Thank you so much. I've applied for a Nationwide account today online so its says approved but will confirm within 5 days. Its just trying to sort out DD's . Big Natwest Loan is due 27th, I get paid 26th , so I guess I'll have to pay this month as no time to sort ?
Breathing again

rae2820

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

When you say the boys dad makes his final maintenance payment in August, is this just for the eldest? If the youngest is still in college his payments still carry on don!!!8217;t they?

Well, the trouble is we've no formal arrangement so this is only for youngest son T. He's already done 2 years at college and there is a question over whether he is able to go to next level . He agreed to pay until he was 18. I suppose he will be eligible for Job seekers allowance even if he doesn't get a job quickly , so would I include that in my plan?
Thank you for your reply !:)

rae2820

Another thing I'm worried about....
If after paying all my priority bills I'm only left with a surplus of £212 a month is this enough to do DMP on debt of £41000 ?
Could i be forced down a Bankruptcy or IVA route if they laugh in my face and say its not enough ?!

System

Just want to say big hugs. You are in the right place.

Spend some time reading the DMP sticky thread as this will help you get your head around DMPs and what you need to do. Going self managed is very easy. You don't need to talk to anyone, you can just right to them (The NEDCAB website will really help you with this - it's a free website that you can use to generate the letters you need to your creditors.)

When you build your budget, build in for every eventuality so that you start to save money up for things that happen more adhoc (like car repairs etc) Also to help provision for annual bill increases etc

Like Sourcrates says you get an immediate 30 days grace, I did token payments of £1 for 3 or 4 months before confirming my payment proposal to help so I could save up an emergency fund.

Good luck.