Starting the journey

nuthatch18

Hello. I am at the very beginning of a frightening path and I have never felt so alone. I am hoping that starting a diary will help! My/Our debt currently stands at just over £116,000.
£63.5K on credit cards, the rest on loans. Ashamed is an understatement! Is there a list of the biggest idiot on here, I think I could make it to the top!


There are no sensible answers to how this happened but I will try to give a brief overview of life so far. DH and I used to be good with money, got married, both worked hard etc. DH used to have his salary paid into our joint account which paid all our bills, mortgage etc. My salary was paid into my personal account which was used for food, clothing and treats etc. This worked perfectly for us in the beginning and everything was fine, no debt!


Then came baby number 1, and DH started his own business. As many of you will know, he had to work sooooo hard to get going that he was virtually never at home. Financially things were tight but OK and the business eventually grew. Child care costs were high but we managed. Fast forward a few year and we had three DC's under 5 and DH was still working ridiculous hours, and most of the time he worked away so I was on my own 6 days per week. I couldn't pay for the childcare anymore on my salary so we decided that I would be a SAHM. I didn't like the idea of not having my own money though so DH said we could continue as normal, and he would transfer money to my account every month as if I was still getting a salary. Fine I thought.


The years went on and life happened! DH was in control of the main finances but he was earning good money. Me moved house twice, bought bigger cars, went on holidays etc. That's what everyone does right? Credit cards came into our lives for the odd home improvement, holiday etc but I always thought that everything was fine. I was budgeting every week for food and clothes etc out of the money which landed in my account every month. I even have little savings pots for things like day trips and holidays. I would save for a holiday and book when I found a good deal, dh would take care of the spending money etc, or so I thought! He was actually taking care of everything using credit cards. I think I knew this but I never actually asked! We both took our eyes off the ball and I suppose buried our heads in the sand. Ignorance is bliss I guess. How stupid can you get!


Three years ago we both sat down and went through everything. We had credit card debts approaching £50K. That should have been enough to switch our lightbulbs on, but clearly is wasn't. It increased our stress levels 1000 fold, put huge pressure on our marriage whilst we both played the blame game and no doubt our dc's heard far too many arguments from their bedrooms. I was scared to death, but dh said it was under control and it was being paid back £1000 per month so we just needed to stop spending on them. Looking back, he wanted ME to stop worrying and ME to stop crying so he let me think it was all OK. Life went on. I continued to budget, meal plans and savings pots for the dc's and we just stopped talking about it as if that would make it go away. Big mistake!


Dh has now been diagnosed with depression. The man I know and love is no longer in the building! He has been ill for quite a while. He started 'changing' about 18 months ago. I knew he needed some help but it took a year to convince him to see our GP. He eventually went to the doctor,..... and then he confessed the full picture to me!


He has consolidated three times with loans which turned out to be a disaster. He has also been unable to put any money away for tax each month (self employed) so each January, another loan had to be arranged to pay the tax! We now have 6 loans I cannot tell you how I felt when my calculations arrived at £116K. I spent the next few days utterly numb. I have to find the strength to do something, lord knows what, and Im pretty much doing it alone. Dh seems to have decided that its just a matter of time before everything collapses, he actually seems to be waiting for it! Its shocking how much damage depression can do. Dh is still working for now and we both have good money coming in which explains how he's managed to service this massive debt for three years! We have no missed payments - yet!


So now it begins! I have taken over the financial reins which I hope will help dh's road to recovery, but I am so scared! I am ashamed to admit that up until a week ago, I didn't even know how to log in to our joint bank account. I manage my earnings quite well but I only work part time at the moment. I have spent the last few days going through the joint bank account statement and all the credit cards and loans paperwork so I can come up with some kind of plan! We can pay everything, just about, but we will have barely anything left to live on. With 3 dcs all ages in double figures, I'm not sure how that's going to work. We also have nothing put away for tax again in January!


I have switched off everything that can be switched off and cut back on everything I can but its gonna be hard. I literally have no-one else in the world to talk to about this so this diary will be my only friend for a while.


Lets hope I can read this again in a few years with a better tale to tell!

Working_Mum

Hello nuthatch and welcome to the Forum.

I couldn't just read and run.

Sounds like you have got a good head on your shoulders. This will stand you in good stead. Seems you and your husband want to sort this out together and that is good news. I am self employed and my (now ex) husband left me with £90k worth of personal debt 10 years ago and £45k of HMRC debts crawling out of the woodwork.

I hunkered down, cut all spending, tracked every penny I spent, learned how to say no to anything which wasn't in my plan and had loads of free fun with my 2 kids (now awesome 19 & 17 year olds).

Keep posting and keep chipping away. As someone once said on here "repaying this dent was like emptying a lake with a teaspoon" - you can do this I am sure.

((Hugs))

WM x

UncannyScot

Hi and welcome

Well, you are not alone with this, as there are loads of us on here all able and willing to help out with advice, info and of course support on your journey.
If you haven't already done so, have a look at the budget planner and Statement of Affairs (SOA) template etc available on the main site. When completing the SOA be totally honest with yourself and list everything. You don't need to post it up if you don't want to, of course, however a lot of folks have found it helpful as folks can help to suggest where and what cutbacks and savings can be made.
We are a helpful and supportive active community on here so anything you want to know just post up and a friendly neighbourhood DFW (Debt Free Wannabe) will pop in to help; we really are nice like that
Join in and visit (read) other folks diaries and feel free to comment etc we thrive on the mutual support of our members on here.
So, as you start your journey remember you are not alone you have many fellow travellers walking this path with you to help you reach your destination.

MovingForwards

Welcome to the group.

You have done the hard bit with working everything out which is owed.

Next is sussing which bits you can trim down to free up a few quid and start saving for the tax man/making payments on the debts.

As said above do a statement of affairs and just post up the outgoings, having outsiders look at it with a fresh pair of eyes might be of benefit.

beanielou

The hardest bit is done.
You know the worst & your journey begins.
Lots & lots of help & support here.
Take care of you.

Magpie100

Well done in facing up to it all. Remember that there is a solution to every debt problem. What's important is that you are in control of it, rather than drifting in to having decisions imposed on to you. Please post an SOA when you can and the excellent people here will be able to offer advice on the way forward. Don't be ashamed - it's a waste of energy that you need to use to keep afloat for now. We could all do things differently, and if we did, none of us would be here. Good luck, and keep posting. It will make a difference, I promise.