scared

sniggle

Hi ... long post alert so feel free to skip on

I'm going to start at the beginning to put things in context. 12 years ago I met a man and after a couple of years we decided to live together. He owned his own house and I was renting. Part of the stipulation to me moving in was that we would need to build an extension. I agreed and paid in my divorce settlement (£26000) which he matched.After a few years we decided to move and bought a new build. Again, there was a stipulation which was that as he had always owned his own house, he would continue to do so, so this house would be in his name only and I would continue to pay him half of the mortgage and bills as I had always done.

Amongst all this, I had developed some mental health issues but had mainly had them under control. Life in the new house started off well but steadily got worse. My partner was extremely controlling and I had a few failed suicide attempts. I decided to take the decision to leave him and found myself a flat. When I left, all I asked for was the bed and a tv. He would not let me have these and instead gave me an old wardrobe and the spare kitchen crockery, baking pans, etc. With very little money, I furnished my flat with the cheapest new double bed I could find and a small tv. The rest is second hand.
I had asked about money as we had been living together for nearly 8 years and I had paid half of everything in all that time but he threatened to make my life a misery if I did so and with my mental health, could not face taking it any further.

I am a teacher and carried on the best I could until May last year when I had to leave my job as I had a massive mental health episode. After a lengthy time in hospital, I came back. My psychiatrist and care worker said I was unfit to work so had to claim benefit. I had a benefit assessment which said I had to go to work. My benefits didn't even match my rent and so debt occurred. I already had some debt due to personal loans. Eventually, all agencies agreed I could work part time. Wages and benefits still did not cover my rent let alone any other bills. I applied to the council for help with housing, but as I am single without children in the flat, they would not help. They questioned why I was living in an expensive flat. told them I was working at the time, but the flat isn't that as expensive as water and electricity are included. They then said that that was my own fault and I should just find somewhere cheaper to live. There is nowhere cheaper to live!

This January I went on the supply register. I am still not fit to work but have no choice, but I am enjoying it, although I am extremely tired. When working on supply, you have a daily rate. Any time off sick, snow days, bank holidays, school closures (we closed for a day for local elections), school holidays I do not get paid.

So here I am today. I am in horrendous debt. I set up a DMP with StepChange, but since then I have found out that I am also £2000 in rent arrears. I need to tell SC about this.
I am about £40000 in debt and facing my 50th birthday in January.

About 6 months ago I met a wonderful man but am thinking of stopping it as I have nothing to offer. I can't afford do anything except live and eat.

I am scared now of phone calls and envelopes. I don't feel like I have any future and see me working until I am 100 to pay it all back. But for what? No life? My mum keeps telling me she was in the same boat and it will be fine, but she had a house to sell. I have no assets whatsoever.

I just can't see the wood for the trees and just see years and years of nothing ahead. Not even a weekend away.
I don't know what to do or where to turn next. Life needs to have a meaning for me and at the moment I don't see what that is. I have to be very careful as I don't want to go back down the slippery slope I have just worked my way up.

sourcrates

Hi,

£40,000 in debt, no assets, not much significant income, any reason you have not thought of going bankrupt and starting afresh ?

Rent arrears are a priority debt that should be repaid before any unsecured credit debts.

sniggle

I haven't thought of it as I don't know anything about it and Stepchange didn't mention it.

sourcrates

sniggle wrote: »

I haven't thought of it as I don't know anything about it and Stepchange didn't mention it.

There are three debt solutions laid down by parliament to deal with problem debt.

They are :

Bankruptcy
Individual Voluntary Arrangement
Debt Relief Order

You would only qualify for Bankruptcy, due to your circumstances, so the solution is there, but you do need good advice before going down that route.

A DMP (Debt Management Plan) is an informal agreement, but would, as you say, take many, many years to complete, and is, in your case, only a stop gap solution.

Ask stepchange about Bankruptcy, see what they advise, or get a second opinion from National Debt-line, you could just keep making the token payments you are now, but the debt would never go away, on the plus side, there is nothing your creditors can do to enforce there rights against you at present, as you have no assets.

But as this situation is getting you down, to put an end to it once and for all, Bankruptcy would be my choice.

allthe7s

is there no way you can get the £26,000 back from ex? legal advice needed perhaps.

FBaby

You definitely need to focus on getting this £26K back. That's money you invested and should rightly have back. That would pay a chunk of your debt.

cms-help

You need some legal advice as if you have paid towards the mortgage for many years then you might be able to prove an interest in the home. You also need to take advice about the £26,000 that you put into these purchases.

You've enabled him to live in a bigger house and paid for half of it for 10 years and he thinks you're entitled to nothing?

Please obtain some legal advice before pursuing any of the debt management options.

sniggle

Thank you all for your replies.
We have been separated for 4 years now so I think too much time has passed to try to claim anything back now.

Suseka97

I hear what you day about the length of time you have been apart, but that doesn't alter the fact you invested in 'his' house. But I get the sense you have drawn a line under the past.

Do follow Sourcrates advise and look into bankruptcy - it's not as bad as some folks think it is and better than living hand to mouth for many years to come. You obviously don't have much money to service your debts anyway and with no assets, you've really nothing to lose.

On a separate note - give your new relationship a chance, it shouldn't be about what you can offer. 50 is no age at all, you have plenty of life yet to live and deserve to live it well and without all this worry

JayRitchie

You need legal advice. No one here can tell you but it would seem you are owed a huge sum of money. This is nothing to be nice about - you paid for a house and you should get your share.

cms-help

sniggle wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies.
We have been separated for 4 years now so I think too much time has passed to try to claim anything back now.

That is not true. If you want this money back then please seek legal advice. A lot of firms will offer a free initial consultation so you can gather what you are entitled to before making any decisions.

Of course, if you are happy to write this "loss" off then so be it.