Wife's parents offering to pay off our mortgage.

edinburgher

There's a good chance POA may be too late for FIL if dementia is already apparent.

My MIL had to get guardianship? for her parents. Worked Eventually, but it was more complicated (Scotland)

seven-day-weekend

Jeepers_Creepers wrote: »

Hi Cats.

What do your numbers mean: "Otherwise it will be !!!8216;deprivation of assets!!!8217; if he gives some of his savings away"

Thanks.

It's a glitch that happens sometimes when people do punctuation marks. Just ignore the numbers and exclamation marks.

enthusiasticsaver

The 7 year rule means that any gifts given where the giver dies within 7 years of gifting may be subject to inheritance tax.

The deprivation of assets is a real risk in the case of your PIL if it looks like one may have to go into care in the near future due to dementia. Nice idea for them to pay off your mortgage but I think they may need it more. The only other thing to consider is you both selling up and buying somewhere where the PIL can live with you to minimise care costs. That is a big responsibility though and takes careful thinking about.

Hillwalker11

I would think long and hard about having your in laws living in a property with a so called granny annexe. At the moment your FIL's dementia is in the early stages.As it progresses it can be come so much worse.
My cousin did exactly this with her parents.They were both fit and well for the first 5 years.After that, first her father then her mother got dementia. It changed her life completely, the next 10 years were a living hell as she became their main carer.She had two children of her own and she says now(both have now died) looking back that it was the worse decision she ever made.The whole family suffered and it almost drove her to a nervous breakdown.It was relentless, she could never go on holiday, never go out, they became very difficult, and that's putting it mildly if she wasn't there 24/7. Towards the end even though they had carers both her and her husband were up every night with them. She loved them dearly but the situation was untenable.As she says for 11 years she had no life at all.

AnotherJoe

Hillwalker11 wrote: »

I would think long and hard about having your in laws living in a property with a so called granny annexe. At the moment your FIL's dementia is in the early stages.As it progresses it can be come so much worse.
My cousin did exactly this with her parents.They were both fit and well for the first 5 years.After that, first her father then her mother got dementia. It changed her life completely, the next 10 years were a living hell as she became their main carer.She had two children of her own and she says now(both have now died) looking back that it was the worse decision she ever made.The whole family suffered and it almost drove her to a nervous breakdown.It was relentless, she could never go on holiday, never go out, they became very difficult, and that's putting it mildly if she wasn't there 24/7. Towards the end even though they had carers both her and her husband were up every night with them. She loved them dearly but the situation was untenable.As she says for 11 years she had no life at all.

oP please take note of this. Caring for someone with serious dementia is beyond most people and can take them to breaking point and beyond. Hard to appreciate until you fully experienced it. What seems fairly easy, nice little granny flat, couple can stay there and be safe, can become intolerable if some of the more challenging and common behaviours present.

Could be as simple as they just keep wandering off looking for their home, the situation having been exacerbated because by moving them well after the condition starts they are not somewhere they even vaguely recognise. What's the plan if granddad keeps trying to leave to "go back home" bearing in mind that you cant explain to them they are at home, and they won't beleive you ?

seven-day-weekend

My sister, who had early onset Alzheimer's, spent the last two years of her life in a nursing home because her family, much as they wanted to, just couldn't look after her at home any longer. My b-i-l was distraught when she went into care, even though he had done his best for the best part of ten years (she was only in her late 50s when diagnosed) and himself suffered from Parkinsons. She was terrified and screaming most of the time because she did not know where she was (this was in the bungalow she and her husband moved to, not the nursing home), she was sometimes violent and although she was sick mentally, physically she was fit and therefore could attack family members with great force. She was only 75 when she died

It is a dreadful illness, it is not just Granny sitting quietly in the corner and being a bit forgetful, as many people seem to think.

Be very careful before agreeing to your father living with you.

AnotherJoe

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It is a dreadful illness, it is not just Granny sitting quietly in the corner and being a bit forgetful, as many people seem to think.

Be very careful before agreeing to your father living with you.

Another harsh thing that needs to be flagged, its going to be one heck of a lot harder getting someone who needs care into a home and out of a granny annex with "inbuilt" carers (eg the OP) rather than the house they currently live in when their aged spouse clearly cannot look after them any more.

Jeepers_Creepers

Thank you everyone.

I hadn't realised so many helpful replies had been added, and it's certainly a lot to consider.

We have decided to turn down their offer towards our mortgage, and see how things progress with d-i-l. He is very poorly in other ways too, so I fear he doesn't have much time remaining. Mil is mentally fit and reasonably physically too, so chances are we'll all look towards a shared home of some sort for her in due course.

Thank you all.