About time I sorted myself out

poppytattoo

Another couple of weeks without posting. I think I find it much easier to post when I feel like I'm on top of things. At the moment I am not on top of things and I just feel rubbish.

So, we're six days after payday and I feel like crying because I am just once again struggling to see how I can get to the end of the month. I had to take money out of our wedding savings pot last month in the end - only forty quid. I wanted this wedding planning to be a really wonderful time but unfortunately we started all the planning and booking things etc before I realised how deep I was in debt - by the time I really took a good look at myself we had already invited everyone and paid £££££££ in deposits and up-front payments. I wish that I'd done it earlier and then I could have worked on the debt first. But we are where we are, I've done as much as I can to cut down on wedding spends, and to be honest most of the cash is coming from OH's parents (they gifted his sibling the same amount a few years earlier), it's just that we still have a few thousand to find in the next few months and I don't know how we will do it. I haven't saved anywhere near as much as I'd hoped I would by now.

I'm at the point where I just wish it would be over so I could start plowing 100% of my money into my debt, which is a horrible way to think about your wedding.

At the same time I am feeling rubbish about work which is currently very stressful, barely managing to cope with my master's degree, and I am ill all the time. I have a chronic condition which went undiagnosed for a long time and led to a lot of other, degenerative and untreatable conditions, and I am sick of feeling like every day is a struggle when I'm only in my mid-twenties. I know that my health will never get any better. I don't have the energy to face my money worries. Last night I couldn't even eat as I was so sick with worry (this is a big deal for me, I'm constantly hungry)

The other day I was at work and went to tuck my hair behind my ear, and a huge chunk of it just fell out into my hand. I am literally falling apart.

I feel a bit like I'm screaming into the abyss here so I'm sorry for moaning but I feel there's nowhere else to turn.

DancingInTheRain

Hi didn't want to read and run, your last post sounded so sad. It sounds like you're having a really hard time at the moment.

I've just sat and read your diary and just wanted to say I think you do amazingly well in your circumstances - a demanding job, masters degree, planning a wedding, managing a chronic condition and paying down debt.

In the 18 months since you started your diary you've paid down almost £8,000 - 20% of your debt total, fantastic!

Just a thought on moving your credit card or overdraft to 0%, I know you said your credit score is poor at the moment but is there any way your fiance could apply for a 0% balance transfer or money transfer card? In the future, as your score improves you could always transfer it back to you? Ultimately, this would benefit you both financially as even more of your monthly payments would go towards the debt rather than interest charges.

You seem really focused and together financially as a couple so this could be another way of working as a team and might relieve some stress for you.

Hope you don't mind me commenting. Be kind to yourself, you're doing great. Hope you manage to do something just for you today, even something as simple as a nice soak in the bath listening to your favourite songs - you deserve it! x

nomorecredit

Hi

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug, it sounds such a stressful time, you have a lot on your plate at the moment and planning a wedding too that's enough on its own.

Please don't be too hard on yourself as Dancing in the Rain said you are doing fantastic paying off £8k off the debt what an achievement.

It is soul destroying seeing the money disappear within days of being paid I am still working on that myself but the bills are paid, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. BTW please try eat something even if its something small xx

Great idea to do something for yourself, self care is so important you must put yourself first at some point and with everything you have to going on you really do deserve to. I find going for a walk even for 5/10 mins helps clear my head and process things. I am sure at times I talk to myself out loud and answer my own questions!

I hope it helps coming onto your diary and getting it all off your chest, keep coming on here talking things through with your OH. One step and one day at a time.

Is there any possibility of having a couple of days off work or extending the weekend by one day even before the wedding just to have some time for you ? xxx

Take care
Best wishes
NMC xx

poppytattoo

DancingInTheRain wrote: »

In the 18 months since you started your diary you've paid down almost £8,000 - 20% of your debt total, fantastic!

Hi DancingInTheRain, thanks so much for taking the time to comment - I wish I had logged back in sooner to read it. Your point about paying off the £8,000 is very striking as I find it very difficult to recognise how I've been paying it off as an achievement. I need to update the figures in my signature actually, but I find it very hard to regularly track my progress - I've tried tracking apps, printing out charts, but for some reason I just can't get into the habit! I think I need to give myself a bit of a kick up the bum with that one so I can actually feel good about paying it off!

DancingInTheRain wrote: »

Just a thought on moving your credit card or overdraft to 0%, I know you said your credit score is poor at the moment but is there any way your fiance could apply for a 0% balance transfer or money transfer card? In the future, as your score improves you could always transfer it back to you? Ultimately, this would benefit you both financially as even more of your monthly payments would go towards the debt rather than interest charges.

This is a really interesting idea, actually I hadn't thought of this. To be perfectly honest, he has always earned less than me on average as he is freelance and it ebbs and flows a bit - although he works a lot harder than I do! He's always been so careful with his money and it makes me feel nervous to think about having some of my debt in his name. But you're right, we do work together so I'll check it out as an option! Thank you for the suggestion [/QUOTE]

poppytattoo

nomorecredit wrote: »

Hi

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug, it sounds such a stressful time, you have a lot on your plate at the moment and planning a wedding too that's enough on its own.

Please don't be too hard on yourself as Dancing in the Rain said you are doing fantastic paying off £8k off the debt what an achievement.

Hi nomorecredit. Thank you, I really appreciate this. It's such a help to have a supportive community that I can share with and the people on here really do look out for each other. I was having a complete wobble when I wrote that last post but I am feeling in a much better place now.

nomorecredit wrote: »

Great idea to do something for yourself, self care is so important you must put yourself first at some point and with everything you have to going on you really do deserve to. I find going for a walk even for 5/10 mins helps clear my head and process things. I am sure at times I talk to myself out loud and answer my own questions!

You're so right - and I was neglecting myself a bit in the panic of work and deadlines and feeling rubbish - and then of course it makes it harder to get out and start doing that stuff! I've started trying to be more strict about giving myself a lunch break so I can sit somewhere comfy and read my book, listening to podcasts on the bus instead of scrolling through work emails, and trying to get an earlier night. I've also been to a few classes at the gym and went back to netball last night (it had been rained off the past few weeks) and I feel much better for it. Plus, we won the match, which only happens once in a blue moon!

nomorecredit wrote: »

I hope it helps coming onto your diary and getting it all off your chest, keep coming on here talking things through with your OH. One step and one day at a time.

Is there any possibility of having a couple of days off work or extending the weekend by one day even before the wedding just to have some time for you ? xxx

Getting it off my chest really does help. I want to try and get on here more often - other than fiance there's not really anywhere you can be frank about this sort of stuff is there? I wish people talked about money worries more - it really lessens that feeling that you're alone and drowning when you realise how many people are going through very similar struggles. Plus it gives you that extra bit of confidence that you need sometimes - even simple things like when friends ask me out for brunch, once upon a time I would have said "yes" even if my bank account said "no", but now I am perfectly happy to say "I actually don't have room for that in my budget this week, but you're welcome round mine for a brew and scrambled eggs on toast" - half the time I think people are secretly relieved that they don't have to spend either.

Thanks again for your support x

poppytattoo

Hello everyone, thanks to the lovely and supportive messages left by DancingInTheRain and nomorecredit I am feeling much more like myself again.

Bad things:
-Had a very soon university deadline sprung on me, got to complete and present a presentation by the end of this month! Yikes
-Am still suffering with a few bad symptoms
-Worst of all, my grandad who has been suffering with skin cancer was admitted to the hospital yesterday with back pain, it turns out he has spinal fractures caused by cancer that has now spread to his spine. They're doing an emergency operation on him today, so I have my fingers crossed.


Good things:
- I WON A WEDDING CAKE ON INSTAGRAM! We had planned to get an M&S one which would have been about £200, but I've been entering as many wedding competitions as I can find in the past two years and this is the first one that I've won - a cake of my choice, worth about £700. I'm absolutely thrilled about it
- I managed to get a new client at work, which means I get a percentage of what they pay the company for the first year. It's not a lot after the taxman, but hey I will take it!
- Have been doing quite well in the not-wearing-makeup at least one day a week - I'm pretty much 60/40 at the moment for days with/without anything on. My skin is definitely looking clearer, and I'm not getting through products as much. I ran out of nearly everything lately and went to Primark instead of Superdrug for my costmetics after reading a load of online reviews. Got primer, mascara, cleansing water, a nail varnish, bronzer and a concealer for £16. It's not quite as nice as my normal stuff but it does the job. I got a bottle of my favourite fancy foundation for my birthday, so I'm using it sparingly...
- I had tins of birthday and Christmas money I'd been hoarding for the wedding for a while. We totted it all up and it came to nearly £500, which we've used to pay off a bit more stuff. That was a nice feeling.


I must go and do some actual work now, but again just to say thank you to anyone who might be reading this, it really means the world. And if anyone has any tips for tracking debts in a positive way that's easy to get into the habit of, please let me know as I can't get into a routine with it currently!

xx

nomorecredit

Hi

Good to hear you are feeling better, well done too for making sure you have lunch breaks and time out on way to work I do the same no matter how busy I am I try go for some fresh air even if its 20 mins. You need to take care of yourself even when you feel like you are having a stressful time put yourself first.

Great idea too suggesting friends go to you, I am the same I hate saying no and dread impromptu as I just want to save a bit of money I plan for everything and meals and drinks out is just not possible right now, it all adds up. I you are right I think some people are secretly glad but just too shy to say it. I keep saying that I just want to get ready for the holiday and its not possible to splash out. I want to go away and enjoy it and not worry if I have enough money.

Sorry to hear about you granddad hope everything goes well with the operation worry time for you. Good luck with the presentation too for uni and well done on the new client.

Great news on the wedding cake win wow that's amazing and worth £700 too fantastic. Keep entering those competitions it just shows. Think I am going to give it a go too.

You have got me thinking about primarni and their make up think I will give it a go for my holidays, I wear make up everyday but on holiday I tone it down a bit but all that for £16 is a bargain, I may have to have a look on Saturday.

Take care
NMC xxx

poppytattoo

So after saying I was going to try and get on here more often, it's actually been three weeks since I posted!

Work has been a little bit hectic and I've had a wave of university deadlines, so I've just been slaving away at my laptop, basically. Broke my own record last week when I was in the office from 8am straight through till 4am the next morning. Got into bed at 4:30am and had two hours of kip before I had to be back in the office again. Chaos!

However, despite all this I've managed to do alright cash wise. Debts are still being paid off and June was the first time in months that I hadn't received the texts from HSBC saying "you've gone over your overdraft limit" and had to frantically scrabble round for money. Which means that this months' overdraft charges were cheaper. AND that was including two trips to London (a surprise one for my birthday, and one for my brother's 21st), plus more wedding shopping, etc.

I've also now got a Monzo account and have excitedly set up lots of "pots" to store money in. It's been nice seeing them slowly fill up with 20p here and there.

Today has been expensive - I've had to pay the final instalment of a root canal treatment (yay) for £176, and I also need to pay a £75 deposit for my best friend's hen do next year. This month will be tight in terms of making my cash last, but I'm sure I will manage!

I'm going to update my signature too to reflect where I'm upto debt wise.

Hope everyone has a lovely Friday

DancingInTheRain

Sounds like a hectic few weeks for you. Well done on controlling costs & :eek: to the long hours you've worked. Monzo pots are a great idea/motivator, I use Starling for the same thing & it's lovely to see goals growing slowly. You're getting closer & closer to being in the £20,000's, keep going! :T

nomorecredit

Hey

I am the same I keep meaning to pop in but then time runs away with me. Good on you for keeping on top of everything even though you are busy (I am tired reading it) My friend was singing Monzo's praising just on Saturday and told us all to go get an account, so considering looking into it too.

Can completely empathise with the root canal I had the pleasure of a £574 bill as I had to go private, the bill at the end was more painful than the procedure !

Keep going you are doing fantastic.

Enjoy the rest of Monday (although there is not much left of it !)
NMC xxx