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Depressed with Debt

Hi All

Firstly let me say what a great forum and website this is. It's really encouraging to see a positive vibe come out of debt.
I got into debt through marriage and as much as we are now working towards clearing it, I still struggle on a daily basis with that trapped feeling that Debt leaves you with. I have a loan of what is now £24,484 which is down from £28,000 and it runs for another 4.5 years. I pay £470 a month which really does eat away at my income. We went on a really cheep holiday in June, but we're still trying to pay off the overdraft now!! We just find it difficult to plan anything, we can't afford to buy a house, can't afford to have a baby and we feel like that for 5 years our lives are on hold. Most days I can see past it and just get on with things but other days it really gets me down and even though I see the debt coming down bit by bit, I still feel like it's a prison sentence.
Does anyone else feel that say and have any advice to get through it.

Thanks
Harrie x
Proud to be dealing with my debts
«1

Comments

  • Hi there,

    Do you mean the debt is from your wedding? I totally sympathise if that is the case, we spent a bomb on getting married although most of it we managed to save up and had a lot of help from parents, it is a very expensive day!!

    If you are managing day to day living ok and still managing to have treats like holidays though things are not so bad, have you tried working out exactly how much you spend every month and see if you can cut back anywhere? Post your statement of affairs and lots of helpful people will be on hand to give you advice.

    I am trying for a baby at the moment and panicking about how we will afford so trying desperately to curb my spending in order to have some savings :D
  • raq
    raq Posts: 1,716 Forumite
    hi there and welcome

    Yeap this really is a good sight.

    Put down an SOA ( statement of affairs ) and someone with much more knowledge will be along shortly.

    We all feel the same from day to day however much are debt is, but least you have got the ball rolling by signing up on this site.

    Best of luck
    :A Tomorrow's just another day - keep smiling
  • Big hugs for you. Being in debt is a bit like a prison sentence because it restricts every area of your life. Le you say some days are good and some bad. How to weather it...I try & focus on the feeling I have when it's paid off; the lessons I've learned and the positives. I am more financially aware than I was; waste less money; found what I enjoy (allotment!) and who my friends are. WHen I have a treat it is a treat, unlike before when it was a regular occurence. I take joy out of bargains and finding good deals and take pleasure out of simple things like home cooking and seeing friends, rather than shopping for tat I didnt need like I did before. Would I change being in debt? Yes. I cannot wait for my debt free date (in about 7 years) but I know that along the way I will be supported by, and supportive off, people on here who totally get what is exciting about a Sat night party which is even better the week you can afford a bottle of wine...cut price of course!
    Nerd no 109 Long haulers supporters DFW #1! Even in the darkest moments, love and hope are always possible.

  • Thank you so much for the quick responses. Ok, I firstly wanted to just explain a bit about my situation. Two years ago I met the man of my dreams, who is a very decent man. Anyway he'd had a rubbish life up until then and as a result become depressed ignored bills, loan repayments, life etc. When we moved in together I put him on the electoral role and that's when the debt collector letters started to role in, when they had finished arriving through the letter box, they had racked up a total debt of £28,000, in unpaid loans, credit agreements, overdrafts, council tax etc. My husband had no way of paying this, so I had no choice but to help him out and get a loan out for the total amount. I know that may sound reckless, but I didn't know what else to do.

    Anyway, following that there were issues with his ex and the CSA. We discovered that she had been claiming benefits during the time he was living with her and supporting her and his daughter and the CSA began a fraud investigation. To get herself off of this, she lied to the CSA and said that he never lived there. Another devestating blow and one that we both still find difficult to swallow. My husband couldn't prove that he lived there as he had no utility bills, rent agreement or electoral role and we have been down every possible avenue [bank statements, doctors, dentist, credit reports, work letters, pay slips etc] nothing is good enough for the CSA. The only thing would could do is go to a Tribunal, which ironically we are sure we'd win, but we are very aware that if she is found guilty then that could have serious consequences for his daughter. So we're now paying £10,000 in arrears to the CSA which are technically her fraudulant benefit claims.

    So that is the story. I think my problem is that before I met him I had a fairly self sufficient life and could buy/do what I wanted and now I can't. I've become so depressed with all this that I'm now in therapy as I couldn't help but blame my husband for everything and despite his stupidity with money, he really is a lovely man and I am determined that in 5 years we'll be debt free and things will be easier. The problem is we'd like to start a family, but I'd have to go back to work and child care costs around £400 a month, not to mention everything else. It wouldn't benefit either to give up work and not pay child care as we do need the extra salary.

    So here is my SOA. It may look like we have money spare at the end of the month, but I just dont' know where it's going because we are permanently over drawn. We have managed to pull it back from £700 overdrawn to around £200 this month and fingers crossed £0 next month, but I still don't know where the money goes.

    Overdraft - 250
    Me Wages - 1550
    Hubbie Wages - 1115
    Rent - 520
    HSBC Loan - 470
    CSA Arrears - 82
    Trust fund - 130
    Council - 98
    Electric - 40
    Water - 26
    Mobiles [joint] - 80
    BT - 29
    TV - 11.41
    Car insurance - 20
    Food - 350
    Travel - 127
    Smoking [not me] - 40
    Wine - 40
    Cosmetics - 20
    Petrol - 60
    lunches - 50

    We've started shopping on line so that we can stick to a budget more and are not tempted by uncessary things, but we like fresh things and run out quick quickly. We've only just got the car [it was free] and we've agreed that my husband doesn't use it to commute [he can ride a bike to work] we only use it at the weekend. We moved from our 2 bed flat to a 1 bed flat to cut down on rent, I've cut down on the mobiles. I do buy magazines and I think I tend to fritter things away. Maybe to some it may not seem like I have a problem, but I just feel like there is never enough money and I'm not sure why.

    Thank you so much again for your responses, this is clearly a good friendly place to be.

    Harrie xx
    Proud to be dealing with my debts
  • Harrie2010 wrote: »
    Overdraft - 250
    Me Wages - 1550
    Hubbie Wages - 1115
    Rent - 520
    HSBC Loan - 470
    CSA Arrears - 82
    Trust fund - 130 What's this for and can it be stopped?
    Council - 98 - can you pay over 12 months insted of 10
    Electric - 40
    Water - 26
    Mobiles [joint] - 80 - can these be cut down? £960 per year is a lot to spend on mobile phones. It's almost your hubbie's whole monthly wage!
    BT - 29
    TV - 11.41
    Car insurance - 20
    Food - 350 - How many is this for? If this is for 2 of you then it's enormous!! This can be cut down a lot. There are 2 in my household and we allow £250 which is still huge (I'm working on it though)
    Travel - 127
    Smoking [not me] - 40 - Roll ups?
    Wine - 40 - how many bottles is this? We include ours in the food budget.
    Cosmetics - 20
    Petrol - 60
    lunches - 50 - Is it possible to make and take your own? We do it and it's included in the £250 per month food udget.

    There are some things missing from your SOA though. You've mentioned a car but not tax, MOT and maintenance. Also things like haircuts, presents, going out etc. A spending diary will help you see where the extra money goes.

    Good luck!
    Debt at LBM (March 2006): £30,000 :eek:
    DEBT FREE SINCE APRIL 2008!!!! YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!
  • consultant31
    consultant31 Posts: 4,814 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    You need to keep a spending diary and write down every single thing you buy - including every cuppa, magazine, roll of mints etc. If you do this for a couple of weeks you'll soon see how much is frittered away on stuff you can do without (at least in the short term).

    As the previous poster says, your mobiles are on a high tariff - can you not downgrade?

    Stop with the cosmetic buying for a while - £5 a week, every week, seems a bit much to me.

    Make your lunches for work and have a trip to the Money Saving Old Style board for massive savings on food and grocery buying (without cutting back on fresh foods).

    Hope this helps a bit!
    I let my mind wander and it never came back!
  • Thanks for the advice guys.

    Will look into council tax, didn't know you could pay it over 12 months!
    Well to start with the trust fund is instead of child maintenence. His ex said that she doesn't want any money off him at all for anything [guilt probably] so the only choice he has is to put money into a trust for his daughter. This is roughly in line with what would be the CSA payments so we thought this was a good idea. Reducing this or cancelling it would be in effect not paying Child maintenence!!
    I need to look into the phone situation as we don't use a land line phone so thought we were saving money with just mobiles. We have the internet as I need that for work, but don't use it for phone calls.
    We've started shopping on line which is working out at £55 a week so far which is better, but still getting extras like milk, bread and stuff.
    Yes the smoking is roll ups.
    Wine I'd say was a 1 to a couple bottles a week.
    I could start to make my own lunches, I need to look into recipies though as my sandwiches are always awful.
    I guess it's just difficult when you are used to one type of living and then you have to change. £20 month for cosmetics was really cutting down. That is including shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, moisturiser [cheap olay stuff], razors and a body moisturiser. They are all cheap stuff like the coco butter at £2.69 but it adds up.

    Thanks again for all your help some good advice there.

    Harrie x
    Proud to be dealing with my debts
  • C_Ronaldo
    C_Ronaldo Posts: 4,732 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Its disgusting what lies people will tell, the ex that is
    No Links in Signature by site rules - MSE Forum Team 2
  • After what his ex has done do you trust her? Paying the money to a trust fund instead of paying child maintenance sounds a bit dodgy to me. Again I'm no expert but surely the CSA can still come after him for money as they know who he is and where he lives....

    Well done on the shopping on-line. This works out cheaper for us too. If you use Tesco there is usually a money off vouchers to be had on the discounts and vouchers board.

    I hear you on the cosmetics stuff! Have a good look through your cupboards and check to see what you've got left and maybe set yourself a challenge to not buy any more unil you use up of the stuff people buy you as presents.

    I allow myself a "spends" fund of £61 per month. Out of this I buy cosmestics, magazines, parkings fees..basically anything that's not related to any of the other items I've budgeted for.
    Debt at LBM (March 2006): £30,000 :eek:
    DEBT FREE SINCE APRIL 2008!!!! YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!
  • calleyw
    calleyw Posts: 9,896 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    Harrie2010 wrote: »
    £20 month for cosmetics was really cutting down. That is including shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, moisturiser [cheap olay stuff], razors and a body moisturiser. They are all cheap stuff like the coco butter at £2.69 but it adds up.

    All these items should not need replacing every month. I have long hair I wash my hair 2/3 times a week don't always condition and I could never get through a whole bottle of shampoo in a month.

    I buy nice face cream (boots time delay range £9.99 a jar)but don't need to buy that every month the same with shower gel razor blades etc. If you use face wipes they are normally way to big for my face so cut them in half so get 50 for the price of 25.

    I use a body buff so you do only need a very small amount of shower gel. I use boots own brands or what is on offer or reduced to clear.

    Own brand baby products like lotion etc is cheap. Or if you do have to have brand names try somewhere like poundland or homebargains.

    Also food is way to much. I feed two adults who rather like there food for £100 a month. Have salmon once a week. Joint on sundays and nice bread. But I manage to buy a lot of things on reduce to clear. And only buy value labels in frozen peas, jaffa cakes (nicer than Mcvities)and OJ.

    Lunches out need to stop. Pop over to the oldstyle moneysaving and they will save you an arm and leg on food.

    Yours


    Calley
    Hope for everything and expect nothing!!!

    Good enough is almost always good enough -Prof Barry Schwartz

    If it scares you, it might be a good thing to try -Seth Godin
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