Recurring bad dreams.

dori2o

Please understand that this is hard for me to write.

In recent months Ive been having a recurring dream that I'm finding extremely upsetting.

I am attending counselling sessions but so far talking about it is not doing anything.

People on here know that last year our youngest daughter died whilst we were on a family holiday.

We struggle still every day to deal with the loss and we use work as a distraction, taking very few days off just so our minds are kept occupied.

In the past 3 - 6months I keep having the same dream. Sometimes twice in the same night.

Essentially, to give the short version, I find my daughter walking down the street. I give her a big hug. Tell her we've missed her, then hold her hand as we walk home. Then just as we get home ready to tell everyone she's back I wake up, often in tears.

The psychologist says that in time it will go.

A woman in the pub who claims to be psychic and works as a carer, says it's my daughters 'essence' in the house coming to me to tell me she's OK.

I've read loads of things online about recurring dreams. Changed what I eat/drink at night before bed, but nothing works.

Has anyone else sufferred recurring dreams and if so have you managed to control them.

jenniewb

Really sorry to hear your suffering so much with everything- without wanting to sound harsh, it sort of makes sense that you would be, it's a huge loss and whilst your head can come to terms with things almost quickly, your feelings wont always catch up at the same speed. In my experience, my feelings only make the next step when things around me in my life feel settled and I feel safe enough to move forward- and even then it isn't always a big step forwards, it's not always a step you can see when you are in the middle of it all (other people can tell but you may not be able to see the incremental stages) and you can go backwards as well as forwards.


I think it's great you are able to see a professional because they are going to be able to give you feed back that people involved in your life may not be able to share. But I hope it goes without saying that if you can, you'd still benefit from using others in your life to express the way you feel in whatever way (talking isn't the only way to air things) but bare in mind that whilst you have a professional to go back to, you can always bring other experiences to your sessions to try to understand them. In the end I think therapy isn't always just a place to let things go, it's also a space where you can get some perspective and look at things from a different angle to understand them differently and perhaps not feel so overwhelmed by them.


I've not experienced something as tragic as you to give me recurring dreams, but I have found in the past, writing them down, even if they are the same thing, can help them not recur or not recur in the same way if they do come back. I used to keep a dream diary which is a mixed blessing because I found the more I acknowledged my dreams, the more dreams I seemed to remember and they were not generally "happy" dreams. But it can help me to understand what is going on inside my head a bit.
I think everyone's dreams will carry a different message for whomever has them, but that for me at least, once I grasp the message they have, they reduce or even don't come back. But be aware that there may be part of you that wants to hold on to them as there will be benefits and losses to both having them and not having them if you see what I mean.


Sorry I can't be of more help, I hope others are able to share things which help a bit more than I can.

ERICS_MUM

I'm so sorry you have had such a tragedy. Your dream is obviously your mind replaying itself, but could there be a physical/medical "trigger" ?

Are you taking any medications ? When I started anti depressants I had very vivid dreams for a few months, one of the side-effects listed on the leaflet in the packet. One in particular was about my Dad who had died suddenly 5 years earlier. He would appear fit and well in my dream and I'd be happy that he hadn't died after all. But then he would tell me that he was going to die, either that day or the next. I'd wake up at that point, never found out if he did actually die in the dream. This went on for months.

Oddly I've never dreamt like that about any other loved ones after their deaths, not even Mum who died in 2016. I'm wondering now whether that's because Dads death was sudden and unexpected but others that I've lost had been very ill and we knew they wouldn't recover.

Anyway I'm gabbling now, I'm probably not helping much. One question that I hesitate to ask. Do you want the dreams to stop, or do they bring some small comfort to be "close" to your daughter for a short while ? Sorry if this offends or upsets you, but it's worth considering.

I wish you well. Xx

Ben84

Yes, I've had dreams that sound like this. I'm not sure I'd say they were nightmares in hindsight. I mean, the dream was about something I wanted, something nice, it was the jarring experience of waking up and effectively re-discovering the situation that made them so intensely bad. For a long time, particularly when first waking up, I kept rediscovering reality, and it was intense to go through all that in a matter of seconds. I also found myself daydreaming at times, then snapping out of it and that felt similar. I felt at times like I was in some alternate dimension and it was all some kind of dream. I look back at the dreams and the disconnections with reality now as some attempt to experience what I wanted most, my subconscious was trying to feel better.

I don't have these dreams now - although I do still sometimes dream about my friends and family who aren't here now, but in a good way that feels ok. I think I got better largely because of time, time gives us, well, time to understand better. It wasn't so much the situation I needed to understand, it was me I needed to figure out. How I felt about it. My personal difficulties I had to work on a lot were not being annoyed at myself for struggling with things, and finding motivation to do things that would help me. There was also a guilt I felt about the idea of enjoying anything ever again. Sounds extreme in hindsight, but that's where I was. Maybe these things sound familiar, I doubt they're uncommon. Working on those helped me a lot.

katiekittykat

I am so sorry for your loss.

I had similar after the death of a loved one, although nothing anywhere near as horrendous of what you are going through. I had grief counselling and one of the things I found to be most helpful was the write it all down, I know that sounds odd but it did help.

I also had a few sessions of hypnosis which helped a lot, I am afraid I can't remember all the details as I was on quite a lot of medication at the time which I was advised was also linked to the dreams


Apologies for asking but do you think that part of this could be PTSD after everything that has happened?

Sorry I could not be more help.

dori2o

Sorry Ive not been back to this topic since my opening post but it's a hard subject to discuss.

Ive been up since 4.30 because of the dream again.

To respond to the questions asked.

ERICS MUM

Ive been on anti depressants for over 10 years due to depression caused by non-remitting severe chronic pain.

The pills I take now Ive been on since late 2015. They are venlafaxine.

Do I want the dream to stop?

Yes. I do.

I dont need a dream to see her. I have loads of photo's and selfies and whilst I cant bear to watch them yet I have hours of video footage. I'm not ready yet to see her moving around or hear her voice yet.

Kstiekittykat

I've been asked this before by friends.

I dont know, is the answer.

I mentioned it to an occupational health advisor from ATOS who do my employers assessments, but they completely dismissed it as a possibility. That put me off mentioning it the last time I saw my gp, and Ive never discussed it with the psychologist.

Thanks very much for all the advice so far.

House_Martin

Just out of interest OP, but are you taking any long term prescription medicines painkillers , such as Co Codamol or Tramadol which contain opiates, codeine or synthetic opiates ?. These will really muck your sleep pattern up and are well known to give horrendous disturbing dreams.

katiekittykat

dori2o wrote: »

Sorry Ive not been back to this topic since my opening post but it's a hard subject to discuss.

Ive been up since 4.30 because of the dream again.

To respond to the questions asked.

ERICS MUM

Ive been on anti depressants for over 10 years due to depression caused by non-remitting severe chronic pain.

The pills I take now Ive been on since late 2015. They are venlafaxine.

Do I want the dream to stop?

Yes. I do.

I dont need a dream to see her. I have loads of photo's and selfies and whilst I cant bear to watch them yet I have hours of video footage. I'm not ready yet to see her moving around or hear her voice yet.

Kstiekittykat

I've been asked this before by friends.

I dont know, is the answer.

I mentioned it to an occupational health advisor from ATOS who do my employers assessments, but they completely dismissed it as a possibility. That put me off mentioning it the last time I saw my gp, and Ive never discussed it with the psychologist.

Thanks very much for all the advice so far.

It might be worth looking into it with your psychologist.

Thinking of you x

asajj

dori2o, I don't think I will be able to give you an answer you are looking for but I just wanted to say, after losing my mother at the age of 10, I've had recurring dreams and they made me extremely uneasy and upset. Then, they stopped. I don't remember when was the last time I had her in my dream. I also lost my father later in life and I still have dreams where I see him. Following day usually isn't good. So you aren't alone and I believe this is a way of our brain "coping" or perhaps reasoning.

I've also used some anti-depressants in the past (sertraline) and I found out that one of the side effects was vivid dreams. Perhaps you could check if your meds have something similar listed as a side effect?

I don't know you but I am thinking of you. I hope things will get better soon.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Whatever else you do, stay away from pub 'psychics'/tell them to stay away from you. They probably believe they're helping you (and feel really good about themselves as they do so :cool:), but they will cause you more harm than your dreams, which are, really, perfectly natural in the circumstances.


That's the nicest thing I can bring myself to say about such people, by the way.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

In addition to my previous post, what I see is you saying you are trying to 'not think about it' through work and distracting yourself. It's perfectly reasonable for you to need to do it - but if you're forcing yourself to not think about your loss so much, particularly when you're already taking lots of medications for pain, both prescription and non-prescription, as I remember, then the only time you can think about it is whilst you dream.


I can't begin to imagine what it feels like, so I won't insult you, but I did find that trying to blot out and pretend traumatic experiences in my past didn't happen/weren't affecting me was completely counterproductive. Allowing myself to feel the true pain and accept that it would hurt so badly made it easier to cope with afterwards.