Time to turn this around

enthusiasticsaver

Unfortunately you cannot make a partner sort out their finances unless they want to. All you can do is protect yourself and hope he sees the light or ultimately move on. Don't treat your finances as joint. Sort out your debts and start to save for the future. Hopefully he will get on board or you will have some tough decisions to make.

enthusiasticsaver

Also, please don't take any notice of your credit score. It means nothing. Aim to clear the debt and hopefully by the time you need a mortgage you will be offered a decent rate. At the moment the very worst thing you could do is apply for more borrowing so there is little point looking at the score.

Cherryfudge

Thanks ES. Seems very sound advice to me.

JonW1984

Hi, how are you getting on? So sorry to hear of your partner's extra debts

Try not to let it get you down, please keep posting here!

FiscalPickle

Thanks to everyone who has recently posted, it has really helped. I returned/sent back what I could splurged on during my minor spend binge, so I’m really only out of pocket for some postage fees in the end. I’m seriously considering scaling back my expectations and DF timescale, aggressively paying back the debt and putting so much focus on it is seriously affecting my state of mind. Adding the other debt that my husband has racked up to the mix has only made this worse, although I am getting better at distancing myself from it as his debt is not mine.
If I can manage my expectations better, the debt will still get paid off, albeit slower, but I will still feel like I’ve had a (relatively) stress-free life in the intervening period.

GlendaSugarbean

You need to do what's best for your mental health. You have a plan and you're following it - sounds good to me. And please don't join your finances until your partner shows he can take responsibility for his debts!

Could you think of a little treat or splurge you could add in when you reach a certain milestone?

enthusiasticsaver

Your mental health is important so if slowing down the debt repayment means less stress than I think it is worth it. You really cannot worry about your partners debt as well as your own. Just focus on making small improvements like taking lunch into work each day or decluttering and selling stuff you don't need.

FiscalPickle

Tomorrow is payday and I'm £2.06 away from the maximum limit of my overdraft. I'm taking it easier on myself, but having had a little time of reflection have realised that I still very much want to be debt-free. So now I'm looking ahead to October when a decent enough pay rise will mean a couple of hundred more £ take home pay, however this is going to be balanced between debt repayment and enjoying life a little more.

I'm rejigging the August budget to allow for a couple of treats during our annual leave, we aren't going on holiday but would still like to do nice staycation-y things, like walks, the cinema, the odd lunch out, picnics and ice cream at the beach. I'm very much looking forward to 2 weeks away from work from Friday, it is definitely needed as I feel like I'm running out of energy the same way that a clockwork toy slowly winds down. I'm actually glad we aren't going abroad, the thought of airports at this time of year and the faff of getting somewhere sometimes just isn't worth it. I'm going to pick up some more crafting from the several unfinished or unstarted projects I've previously planned, it's going to be very relaxing :beer:

JonW1984

Pay rise on the horizon sounds good and make a great difference to your repayments. It's a constant battle between living and paying off debt, I think the important thing is just to make sure you have a strategy in place where you're slowly paying it off and not going backwards. Hopefully OH on board with you now, if not it'll be hard...

FiscalPickle

I've been back at work last week after a really good 2 weeks of leave, having given the debt crisis a lot of thought I've come up with a way forward.

• carry on paying off debt and not accumulating more - it will go in the right direction. The CC payments will not be as aggressive though, I have accepted that this will affect my timeline
• stop focussing on the numbers and percentages - for me, this has just added extra pressure
• enjoy life and factor in the occasional treat without agonising over it - I work hard and need to have some joy along with the grind
• support Mr P as we work towards becoming DF, it may be a slower and more winding journey but we will get there

I have decided not to put any of Mr P's balances onto my available 0% credit card, at the moment that is functioning as my EF and he really needs to sort out his own debt. The best thing I can do is encourage him and be a good example.