Developing a drink problem

System

Yeah emotional wise this 2 years has been a rollercoaster which probably hasn't helped matters.

-I had some financial difficulties
-I became financially well after 1 year of saving
-I moved abroad with partner and opened a business
-I struggled with identity here was uncertain if this is were I want to be.
-my mother passed away suddenly. It happened to be around a time when we had had a stupid falling out for a couple of weeks and both too stubborn to say sorry.
-then returned couldn't sleep, used drinking as an outlet at weekends had difficulties with my relationship and frustrations that I was somewhere I didn't see I wanted to spend my future.
To date I am still worried about what to do with my mother's house that still has a mortgage I need to decide very soon and also I am at an age where really my next move whether that is to stay here in my new country and buy or to buy at home is making my life abit difficult.

It's nothing more than the average person has to face but most of them probably think drink wouldn't be the best route. As i say I certainly have no cravings for drink. There's times I don't drink for 5-6 weeks. But when I decide to go out I usually go out with the intention to get drunk and it ends up worse than 5-6 years ago. Like a trigger hits self explode after 6 beers.

OldMotherTucker

frannyj543 wrote: »

No I'm not working out anymore. I have no urges to drink mid week and it wouldn't bother me to go a month without it.

My problem is the 4th or 5th beer I want more. I want to stay out and nothing triggers to say.... wow your drunk here get a shandy instead or a vodka.

I'm going to just give it a miss for a while. I'm starting to not trust myself with it. I dont fight or act bad I just end up staggering home and the odd time falling and waking up with a bump or bruise.

I have been in exactly the same position - could go weeks without a drink but after the second or third, I liked the feeling and didn't want to stop. I rapidly lost good judgement and kidded myself that I could keep up round for round with everyone else! I seemed to get a lot drunker a lot quicker when out drinking than if I had a couple at home (which was rare) It didn't seem too bad because everyone else was drinking and obviously under the influence . . but it was having a stronger effect on me for some reason . .

Coming from a family with alcohol problems and having lost my mother and my brother within 2 weeks of each other, 8 years ago, due to liver failure, you'd think I'd be put off booze for life but, ironically, that was the time I gradually turned to alcohol, having never been a drinker in the past.

I hardly drink any more -I usually nominate myself as designated driver but I rarely go to pubs or bars anyway - it doesn't appeal to me! I enjoy a glass of wine with a meal occasionally and I have an open bottle of 12 year old malt which I bought in June . .

I've learnt that it's not about how much you drink -we can all tolerate different amounts anyway - it's the reason why you drink that's the killer!!

You sound like you're pretty switched on and aren't making excuses ,and you've clearly identified why and where you drink. Are there any changes you could make there?

jenniewb

frannyj543 wrote: »

Yeah emotional wise this 2 years has been a rollercoaster which probably hasn't helped matters.

....................................

It's nothing more than the average person has to face but most of them probably think drink wouldn't be the best route. .................

OP you don't need to justify why things feel difficult or why you feel you are turning to drink for relief if this is what is happening. It's no one's business to judge or justify your feelings or OK them either- that's your business and accepting them and getting help is yours to do (or not) too.


Everyone has a right to feel whatever they do, we don't get to choose how we feel, we only get to choose what we do with those feelings.


If you are struggling and you are aware you are not managing or managing but in an unhealthy way, the ball is then in your court to either ignore any warning signs (and potentially get worse) or to get help. It will feel like a big step to go against the grain and do the opposite of what you are already doing but in my experience (with myself and others) it ends up being what you need to do but you just have a long list of additional problems caused by the overuse of your new found coping strategy (be it alcohol, drugs, food or even exercise) you end up with the same options you had to begin with: get help or don't get help, only you end up needing more help if you've caused yourself more emotional and physical damage in the process.


Have you tried looking into any group support? Or calling help lines? Either can be really helpful for signposting you to well walked routes and methods that help by those that have actually used them themselves.


You don't realise this, but you are ahead of yourself by recognising a problem, many don't and some never do, others never want to. It sounds like you have a choice not everyone has so early on.

WibblyGirly

I used to get crazy black out drunk. I don't do that anymore. What works for me is no pre drinking at home. If we leave the house at 11 for town then my first drink is after 11 when were in the bar. I also don't do shots, bombs or drink doubles anymore. Means I have a decent night I remember without being black out drunk.

Primrose

frannyj543 wrote: »

Yeah emotional wise this 2 years has been a rollercoaster which probably hasn't helped matters.

-I had some financial difficulties
-I became financially well after 1 year of saving
-I moved abroad with partner and opened a business
-I struggled with identity here was uncertain if this is were I want to be.
-my mother passed away suddenly. It happened to be around a time when we had had a stupid falling out for a couple of weeks and both too stubborn to say sorry.
-then returned couldn't sleep, used drinking as an outlet at weekends had difficulties with my relationship and frustrations that I was somewhere I didn't see I wanted to spend my future.
To date I am still worried about what to do with my mother's house that still has a mortgage I need to decide very soon and also I am at an age where really my next move whether that is to stay here in my new country and buy or to buy at home is making my life abit difficult.

QUOTE]
Franny - you tick many of the key boxes for needing some serious emotional support in the form of counselling, or support from an alcohol addiction programme.
You are starting to seriously question your alcohol intake which is a good starting point.
I really suggest you lay off it now and if you find your willpower is not strong enough to do this alone, suggest you get some help.


You have a lot of serious decisions facing you, and trying to make rational choices which will affect your long term future will not be helped when your brain is under the influence of alcohol.

PasturesNew

If you adamantly stay out of all rounds ... you'll be able to get it under control.

It's other people buying drinks that tends to speed up the time between drinks and what you drink. Buy your own, stay out of rounds ... don't get sucked in. Then get yourself a nice little drink at the start before switching to soft drinks and making sure you're drinking slower than the others. When they're off for round 2 you should still have 1/3rd of your drink left.... and no urgency to neck it.