maintenance 11 years after divorce/separation (sorry, bit long and waffly)

Inc0gnit0

Bit of background

I divorced my xh 11 years ago and in all that time he has never seen the children (now aged 15 and 16) or even sent them birthday or xmas cards. Three years ago my daughter got hold of his phone number and rang him, he was nice to her on the phone and said he would call her the following day to arrange to see her and her brother, the phone call never happened and in fact he changed his phone number. My daughter was so distressed by this she went on a path of self harm and serious suicide attempts and has been in hospital for over a year.

He turned up a few months ago and has been seeing them on some weekends, taking them out and then giving them some pocket money (£10 usually) but at first he was giving them £50.

So yesterday he calls me cos he's going to see daughter in hospital and son is going to meet him there, then they all go out for lunch together and spend a bit of time getting to know one another. In this conversation he says he won't be giving them pocket money because he can't afford it and did I think they'd be upset? I pointed out that for the last 11 years he's been spending all his cash on someone else's kids and he owes it to our children to be a bit generous, especially as it's hurtful for them to think he's prioritising his stepchildren. He then wouldn't discuss further with me (I think his wife and her kids were in the vicinity) but he did take them out and he did give them £10 each at the end of it.

Now, I'm wondering, as he never paid a penny in maintenance over the years, and now owns a 4 bed house in the 'burbs, has a reasonably good job etc etc, where I would stand legally in trying to recoup some of the unpaid maintenance and also to make sure my children are financially looked after? Do their ages have any bearing on any kind of legal entitlement?

I'm angry because he begrudges them £10 each a week while he's buying his stepson a motorbike and paying all the expenses associated with that and all these years he never gave a monkey's about whether his own children had what they needed or whether they were happy or anything.

cal1_2

what an awful story:grouphug: big hugs coming your way.
I'm not an expert on CSA (kelloggs will hopefully be along soon:D ) but unless you actually did put a claim into the CSA all those years ago, you cant recoup any of the money. The child maintenance will only be backdated to the day the CSA contact your children's father and a set amount is set aside based on the figures he provides to the CSA.
If you have never contacted the CSA and now want to go down this route, you would need to contact them ASAP, as I think it will take at least a few weeks before they even contact your ex. I believe he will then have to pay CSA maintenance for the children whilst they remain in full-time education, but again, I'm not 100% certain.

It is such as sad situation when ex's move on with their lives and forget about their own children, I feel genuinely sorry
Kindest regards, x

Inc0gnit0

Thanks Cal

The CSA were involved from the beginning, however they never managed to track him down despite me giving his address, NINO, car reg, place of work etc.

When they sent letters to him he sent them back not known at this address and when they sent someone round he denied that he was himself. He had moved into his brother's house and is now married to his brother's wife so all surnames are the same and I would imagine he was easily able to get some kind of document so he could pretend to be his brother.

It just makes me mad on my children's behalf that I struggled for years bringing them up on my own with a very low income because he left me tons of debt, whilst their cousins (his stepchildren) have everything you can think of and he's now begrudging them a tenner???? :mad:
When I left him he took out lots of loans and credit cards n things in my name and forged my signature. When it came down to it all those companies thought it was an excuse to get out of paying so I had to pay off over £30k

Zara33

TBH you have managed fine for the last 11 years why go after him now You and your kids will be no better off if you start chasing him with the CSA, your kids will see with their own eyes who has actually been there and looked after them for last 11 years.

I just wouldn't waste my time with it at all.

Cozworth806

The CSA would have needed to have sent a MEF (enquiry form) to him. If the case is still open then it can be still be assessed from the date that he is contacted, and then you can apply to the CSA for compo based on the fact you have lost out financially as they are carp.

kelloggs36

You need to check to see if the case is still open. If not, then you can make a new application which will be under the new rules of 20% of his net income after first deducting the relevant % for the step children. I presume that both your children are still in full time education? If the 16 year old has left school and is working then you can't claim for them but you can the younger one.

If the old case is still open you should be asking why they have not pursued him more vigourously and ask for a compensatory payment for their failure to do what they were supposed to do. Do you know where he works? Do you know where he lives? If yes to either then they will get hold of him - particularly if he has a house.

kelloggs36

Oh, and if they visit him, I would suggest that you send them a photo so that they can identify him - it means he is less likely to deny who he is and the CSA officer can put on their report that he tried to lie to them about his identity and then they will be able to state that the address where they visited him is indeed a confident address.

Inc0gnit0

Zara33 wrote: »

TBH you have managed fine for the last 11 years why go after him now You and your kids will be no better off if you start chasing him with the CSA, your kids will see with their own eyes who has actually been there and looked after them for last 11 years.

I just wouldn't waste my time with it at all.

I'm pretty much thinking the same really.. just I'm soo bloody angry that he's living in the lap of luxury whilst I'm really struggling to make a nice life for the kids and it just feels really unfair for them to know that their stepbrother/cousin is getting lots of expensive things and yet they are begrudged £10 pocket money.

I wasn't definitely going to do anything regarding the CSA, I just wanted to know how I would stand if I did.

Inc0gnit0

kelloggs36 wrote: »

You need to check to see if the case is still open. If not, then you can make a new application which will be under the new rules of 20% of his net income after first deducting the relevant % for the step children. I presume that both your children are still in full time education? If the 16 year old has left school and is working then you can't claim for them but you can the younger one.

If the old case is still open you should be asking why they have not pursued him more vigourously and ask for a compensatory payment for their failure to do what they were supposed to do. Do you know where he works? Do you know where he lives? If yes to either then they will get hold of him - particularly if he has a house.

Thanks Kellogg, I'm going to see what happens over the next few weeks and then decide what to do. I'm not sure if he's playing a slippery one and using his brother's id as he is now dead and exh is with the brother's wife. I'm not even 100% certain if he married her or not cos he and she say they're not married but one of the stepchildren (who is 20) says they are and her surname would remain the same cos of marrying into the same family again.

I had no idea about the compensation thing, is that still applicable if I was on income support for a lot of the time?

Inc0gnit0

kelloggs36 wrote: »

Oh, and if they visit him, I would suggest that you send them a photo so that they can identify him - it means he is less likely to deny who he is and the CSA officer can put on their report that he tried to lie to them about his identity and then they will be able to state that the address where they visited him is indeed a confident address.

I gave them a photo at the time and I even offered to go with the CSA officer and point him out from a distance but they said that wasn't allowed.

Inc0gnit0

Cozworth806 wrote: »

The CSA would have needed to have sent a MEF (enquiry form) to him. If the case is still open then it can be still be assessed from the date that he is contacted, and then you can apply to the CSA for compo based on the fact you have lost out financially as they are carp.

Thank you I'm going to see what happens. He already told the children that he won't be giving them pocket money anymore which has hurt their feelings and made them feel like he doesn't love them or care about them. It was only a tenner each but it meant they had a bit of independence and it meant a bit less money for me to find (living off student loans atm) and it just feels so petty.