Coping with depression and throwing myself into debt

Chelleby

Today is the beginning if facing up to my past and dealing with my deep depression...... the depression that I believe drove me to where I am now. IN DEBT FOR THE 2ND TIME .... I built up a debt of £11,000 18 months ago and promised my partner it would never happen again . He paid off my creditors and I pay him £400 a month from my wages to clear it. But I found myself falling back down and sinking and the only way to cheer me up was to spend money I never had.... until it reached £4,000 . Maybe not a lot of money to some but to me I knew I was sinking deeper and deeper again. This time I hid it from him, ashamed and disgusted with myself. He found out and I was so rock bottom and felt suicidal because not only had I done this to him again, I had to face my demons from my past to get better in my head. I am now seeing a councillor to probe into why I am like I am..... hate myself so much right now !!!!!!!!

:mad:

[Deleted User]

Big hugs to you Chelleby xx

Well done for facing up to the problem and taking steps to clearing it.

Pmo2 x

enthusiasticsaver

You are not the only person on here to have the problem of spending debt when depressed which then makes you more depressed when you feel guilty about keeping it from partners. Can you put in place strategies such as maybe not using cards any more, just cash? When it comes down to it though it is just money and any financial problem has a solution so your health should be paramount. Hopefully your counsellor will suggest ways you can modify your spending behaviour.

Chelleby

Yes hopefully through sorting my head out will sort my spending out. My partner has taken all my cards including my bank account. We have opened a basic bank account so my wages can go into. Opening up though has been the hardest thing to do.

Chelleby

Feeling low again but not tempted by spending. All my money goes into partners bank, which is good as he is helping me sort myself out. Just finding it hard as he has told a few people including his family and I feel so ashamed and embarrassed with myself. I have only just found out about him telling his family and it has broken me. I don’t feel like I can sit and face them and put a brave face on it. They must all think bad of me I’m sure. He has made me out to be a bad person and he is the victim in this mess. I feel awful that I did this again but know in my heart I don’t wanna go down this road again. Just wish he hadn’t told so many people. It’s like I am walking around with a dark shadow over me.

😟😟😟

wishingthemortgaheaway

I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling and the result of your illness being debt.

It's great your partner is helping you out, but some alarm bells are ringing in my head. Where you say
'He has made me out to be a bad person and he is the victim in this'

This may be your perception of this - please speak to your councillor about this. My worry, only from the way you have described this situation, is your partner now has 'financial control' over you, add this to the fact he is saying he is the 'victim and you are the 'bad person' this, at an extreme is a form of abuse and effectively domestic violence. Please please please speak to someone independent. This is such a hard message to write as I don't know you, or your circumstances and from what you've said your emotional wellbeing is quite fragile at the moment.

Wishing you all the very best.

Wish.

enthusiasticsaver

I think this is a tricky situation. Your mental health is important but are "victim" and "bad person" words your DH is using or are these your words? It is a shame he discussed this with others so at the least you should have a conversation telling him how you feel. On the other hand I think if I were your DH I would also not be happy that first you built up debt twice and second you hid it.

You are not the first person to struggle managing finances so try not to let this define you. Talking about this with your partner and counsellor should help. I am assuming your partner has taken over your finances to help you rather than exert control do I don't think this is financial abuse.

What sort of background did you come from? Were your parents wealthy?