📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!

How do you know when a relationship has run it's race.

13»

Comments

  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,688 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    frannyj543 wrote: »
    You may have but not everyone. You would be very naive to believe everyone marries for love.

    There's lots of people who marry because they are running out of time to have a family or that by being married provides them with a financial secure partnership.
    I'm not disputing that.
    It's the "30 years ago" that I find hard to believe.
    And even more so of today.
  • frannyj543 wrote: »
    There's lots of people who marry because they are running out of time to have a family or that by being married provides them with a financial secure partnership.
    :eek: How many of the people doing this for those reasons are men?
    Proud member of the wokerati, though I don't eat tofu.Home is where my books are.Solar PV 5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.Mortgage free July 2023
  • Scorpio33
    Scorpio33 Posts: 747 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper
    Personally, I don't believe in divorce, I meant my vows of till death us do part.

    Saying that, if I had to put a time on when to give up on a marriage, it would only be when I truely feel that I have done absolutely everything to improve things. That includes talking, counselling (individual and couple) and what ever else that can be done. If a marriage does split up I think it is simply due to people giving up too easily. People change as time does and needs and wants also change. The key is that you feel that your partner and you are supporting each other, even if you disagree with their opinion.

    Saying that, if I was in a relationship where I wasn't in the relationship for long, wasn't married with no ties, and I was young, I would give up on those relationships easier as you need to enjoy the younger relationships - that should be the time when you are happy.
  • Scorpio33
    Scorpio33 Posts: 747 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Name Dropper
    frannyj543 wrote: »
    You may have but not everyone. You would be very naive to believe everyone marries for love.

    There's lots of people who marry because they are running out of time to have a family or that by being married provides them with a financial secure partnership.


    I don't think there is anything wrong with that alternative approach per say, as long as both people in the relationship see it for what it is. The problem comes when this approach is taken (usually by the female) and once the family and stability is there, she is unhappy as she isn't in Love. That leaves the other half completely in the dark about things and stuck in a relationship with someone that they don't get any Love from.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,688 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    How do you know when a relationship has run it's race.
    In answer to the OP's question:
    maybe when your partner issues you with an ultimatum that the relationship is over if you go to a stag party
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 23 October 2017 at 9:37AM
    Can't really remember - I've been married to the man I love since 1971 :)

    However before that I was engaged to someone I thought I loved. I was only 17. He was 25. I just woke up one morning and found I didn't respect him any more. So I finished it, much to his anguish.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • AubreyMac
    AubreyMac Posts: 1,723 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    :eek: How many of the people doing this for those reasons are men?

    I know men who marry for status.
  • AubreyMac
    AubreyMac Posts: 1,723 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Scorpio33 wrote: »
    Personally, I don't believe in divorce, I meant my vows of till death us do part.

    Saying that, if I had to put a time on when to give up on a marriage, it would only be when I truely feel that I have done absolutely everything to improve things. That includes talking, counselling (individual and couple) and what ever else that can be done. If a marriage does split up I think it is simply due to people giving up too easily. People change as time does and needs and wants also change. The key is that you feel that your partner and you are supporting each other, even if you disagree with their opinion.

    Saying that, if I was in a relationship where I wasn't in the relationship for long, wasn't married with no ties, and I was young, I would give up on those relationships easier as you need to enjoy the younger relationships - that should be the time when you are happy.

    I used to have the same beliefs as you. My asian family are very traditional and separation/divorce is unheard of and frowned upon even if one partner cheated or was physically abusive.


    11 years ago I was in love and engaged. I'm so glad that engagement never resulted in actual marriage as his life has spiralled downwards since and I would have felt obliged to stay (and waste my life) if I had made vows.


    But to answer the OP's questions, I knew it was time to go when I didn't care whether he lived or died anymore.
  • tealady
    tealady Posts: 3,846 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    Years ago someone told me tha a relationship is truly over when you feel neither love nor hate only indiference.
    Found that to be mostly true.
    Find out who you are and do that on purpose (thanks to Owain Wyn Jones quoting Dolly Parton)
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 350.4K Banking & Borrowing
  • 252.9K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 453.3K Spending & Discounts
  • 243.4K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 598K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 176.6K Life & Family
  • 256.5K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
  • 37.6K Read-Only Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.