Debt Help

South_dilema

Finally signed up to the forum, have been reading this over the past 2 week and has opened my eyes up to my problem.

My problem is i am in £37500 of debt, this has accumulated over the past 7 years and now is sitting on 4 x credit cards, 1 x loan, 1 x overdraft and recently 3 x PD loans.

i have got myself into a real mess, also i come to the realization that i have a gambling problem that has span over the past 18 months which i am guessing at least £10K of that debt come from i have spiraled out of control and have been carrying this burden it feels for sooooo long now.

I have been married for 4 years and i have been keeping this from my wife and its killing me that i haven't told her. We have a house and i have a good job but because of my stupid actions in spending freely for too long mixed with the gambling i cant reach the payments anymore. i can make them this month because i completed some overtime but will need to juggle a little.

After reading all of peoples stories these past 2 weeks and support people are giving along with various articles from sites i filled out my details on stepchange charity and they advised that its recommended i go onto a DMP which i am planning to do but i want to tell my wife first.

I was planning on telling her today, its been so hard for me keeping this bottled up and to find the courage and not be scared of her finding out i finally going to confess but then her grandma passed away this afternoon so it is unfair of me to lump this on her as well whilst she is grieving so now i am back at square one, when to tell her. I think now i will wait until next week so she has time to process her loss as i really do need to tell her.

Anyway, thank you for listening i think i just needed to get this written down as at moment my heads all over the place, i think the biggest fear is just not knowing what her reaction is going to be.

sourcrates

Hi,

I`ve moved your post to the general DFW forum as it is the best place for it.

Thanks

South_dilema

Ok, thank you.

rockabillygirl

Congratulations on taking the first steps of your debt free journey, and as you say, telling your wife should lift the emotional load you have been carrying. Others will be along who can offer better advice than I, but would suggest that you seek support with your gambling issues. Wishing you well for the future x

South_dilema

Well i have made a step in the right direction, i have applied for a basic account with Santander this morning and it has been approved in preparation to go on a DMP.

Still have a lot to get covered over the next 3/4 weeks until i am in a place to submit my DMP paperwork but step in the right direction i guess.

EssexHebridean

Well done for facing the issue - that's the hardest step on the debt side of things dealt with already. On the gambling front - have a good read through the boards on here - you'll find a heck of a lot of regular posters on here have past issues with gambling so you're far from alone on this one.

Keep posting, make contact with others on here who have been in a similar position, and tell your wife as soon as you feel she is emotionally able to cope with it.

System

If you can post a SOA (Statement of Affairs), we'll try and help you to prioritise debts and see if we can help skim some money from something else to put to the debts.

kindofagilr

South_dilema wrote: »

Finally signed up to the forum, have been reading this over the past 2 week and has opened my eyes up to my problem.

My problem is i am in £37500 of debt, this has accumulated over the past 7 years and now is sitting on 4 x credit cards, 1 x loan, 1 x overdraft and recently 3 x PD loans.

i have got myself into a real mess, also i come to the realization that i have a gambling problem that has span over the past 18 months which i am guessing at least £10K of that debt come from i have spiraled out of control and have been carrying this burden it feels for sooooo long now.

I have been married for 4 years and i have been keeping this from my wife and its killing me that i haven't told her. We have a house and i have a good job but because of my stupid actions in spending freely for too long mixed with the gambling i cant reach the payments anymore. i can make them this month because i completed some overtime but will need to juggle a little.

After reading all of peoples stories these past 2 weeks and support people are giving along with various articles from sites i filled out my details on stepchange charity and they advised that its recommended i go onto a DMP which i am planning to do but i want to tell my wife first.

I was planning on telling her today, its been so hard for me keeping this bottled up and to find the courage and not be scared of her finding out i finally going to confess but then her grandma passed away this afternoon so it is unfair of me to lump this on her as well whilst she is grieving so now i am back at square one, when to tell her. I think now i will wait until next week so she has time to process her loss as i really do need to tell her.

Anyway, thank you for listening i think i just needed to get this written down as at moment my heads all over the place, i think the biggest fear is just not knowing what her reaction is going to be.

Please tell her as soon as you can and seek GA advice

This type of thing ruined my mam and mine and my brothers lives for many years, my dad was a gambler, he gambled everything, in the end took out loans on the house that mam knew nothing about, borrowed off all the family that mam knew nothing about, till one day the police came knocking (this was in the 80's) and mam and dad had to sell the house to pay his gambling debt off, we moved to a housing assosiation house (in a not nice area), mam didn't kick him out, he did it all again, she eventually kicked him out when I was 3. Took her 15 years to be able to save enough money back up to move out of the HA house and into her own little terrace house.
Dad was gone, he never bothered to stay in touch, till 3 years ago when I was 33 he got back in touch, he only got gambling free in 2010, so he had lived a horrendous life also with his addiction for years from 1980-2010

I know you are going to tell her, but please do, and please seek help so it doesn't happen again

good luck to you xxx

National_Debtline

Hi South_dilema

Welcome to the MSE forum. You’ve taken a really big step by posting about your gambling and debt issues, well done. I’m glad to hear Stepchange are helping you with a DMP as it can be a great way to get your repayments under control and start reducing your debt.

I understand telling your partner is a difficult step but usually it’s much easier to face these things together. There’s some great advice above, and as mentioned there’s many people who have been through similar situations who can support you. It is really important to seek professional help with your gambling, you may want to contact Gamblers Anonymous or GamCare for advice. Good luck with it all.

Susie
@natdebtline

South_dilema

Finally had the guts to tell my wife last night and confess everything, i feel so relieved finally i have been able to face up to this and lighten my burden. As i have read from other peoples posts it truly is a strange feeling once that weight is off your shoulders.

My wife was mainly angry i didn't tell her in the first place but she had been very supportive and is more than willing to help me sort this whole mess out so we can carry on with our lives. To anyone out there that is in the same position as me hiding this from a loved one all i can say is that it is better for your own sanity to tell them, it truly does feel good..in a weird way.

Anyway i had my plan of action and told her everything, how much i owed and to who and more importantly that i had reviewed the solutions and told her each one and the pros and cons to them and how it would effect us down the road.

We both come to the conclusion that a DMP would be my best choice out of the options, thankfully i had already started inroads into this route by opening a basic account with Santander and also contacting Step Change before to sort out a SOA but had not applied for the application pack as that what i was waiting to do after i had told her everything.

This morning i received my application pack, i need to sign it and send off the account names/number etc as well as payslip back and this will be done tonight so i can get the ball rolling.

I have already contacted my HR department and changed my bank details to my new one bank account but annoyingly my pay will go into my overdraft account this month but i should be able to transfer all of my money over on pay day to my new account without any outgoings.

Now i have a few questions that i need answering if anyone can help at all.

1. I have pay day loans that i put on my debt sheet to Step Change, do i cancel these to come out of my bank account automatically on Friday and Monday on their websites as read before on a post here that there is something you can cancel to stop them taking the money out?

2. Do i write to all my creditors i have debt with now advising them that i am going on a DMP and just waiting for it to be set up but will be in touch with them?

3. Do i make a token or minimal payment to my credit cards this month/ when payment is due still?

4. I have a loan in my debt so shall i cancel the direct debit with Tesco and contact them that i have cancelled it as i am now on a DMP?

5. Also i have an overdraft with Halifax, do i tell them i am having trouble paying it and that i am going on a DMP so i wont be making the overdraft fee this month? Also before i do this i am going to contact them to say that i want to stay on the old overdraft monthly fee plan rather than change to their new daily overdraft fee that comes into place next week?

Sorry for the long post, i finally have a lot to do and a lot to say.

National_Debtline

Hi again South_dilemma


I'm really glad to hear you've been able to tell your wife about the situation, I'm sure it is a big relief.

South_dilema wrote: »

1. I have pay day loans that i put on my debt sheet to Step Change, do i cancel these to come out of my bank account automatically on Friday and Monday on their websites as read before on a post here that there is something you can cancel to stop them taking the money out?


You need to withdraw permission for the payday loans to take money out of your bank account, this permission is called a continuous payment authority (CPA). You can find a sample letter for the lender here https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/sampleletters/Pages/Withdraw-your-continuous-payment-authority-from-payday-loan-company-(sole-name).aspx and one for your bank here https://www.nationaldebtline.org/EW/sampleletters/Pages/Withdraw-your-continuous-payment-authority-from-your-card-issuer-(sole-name).aspx.

2. Do i write to all my creditors i have debt with now advising them that i am going on a DMP and just waiting for it to be set up but will be in touch with them?


There's no harm in sending a hold action letter and asking your creditors to freeze everything while the DMP is set up.

3. Do i make a token or minimal payment to my credit cards this month/ when payment is due still?


Stepchange are best placed to advise you on this, if the DMP will be up and running shortly there may be no need to make any further payments. If you do make a payment it should only be a token amount.

4. I have a loan in my debt so shall i cancel the direct debit with Tesco and contact them that i have cancelled it as i am now on a DMP?


I assume you mean the loan is in your name? If it's unsecured treat it in exactly the same way as your other debts going in to the DMP.


5. Also i have an overdraft with Halifax, do i tell them i am having trouble paying it and that i am going on a DMP so i wont be making the overdraft fee this month? Also before i do this i am going to contact them to say that i want to stay on the old overdraft monthly fee plan rather than change to their new daily overdraft fee that comes into place next week?


Stepchange will be asking all your creditors to freeze interest as part of the DMP. The overdraft is no different from any of the other debts, just send them a hold action letter too and let Stepchange do the rest.

Good luck with the DMP.


Susie
@natdebtline