This Duo's debt free journey 20 September 2017 at 8:43PM in Debt free diaries 841 replies 43.2K views

DebtFreeDuo

Pondering on something today, how do you help someone who isn't yet ready to help themselves? Someone close to you who continuously relies on finance and rental schemes even though they can't afford the ones they already have, how do you change their mindset without a fallout? I know that things have their pros but they cost so much more.

Hiddenidenity

You can't change someone else's mindset until they are ready to accept the problem and deal with it. As hard as it is, you just need to step back and focus on yourself.. Don't let them bring negativity into your plans.

As for christmas is it not better to cut down on others you buy for/say don't buy gifts this year and spend that on DS? I only buy for my children and my nephew now. All the adults agreed it was much easier sticking to children only.

Willowtree222

I agree, they have to want to change.

DebtFreeDuo

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

You can't change someone else's mindset until they are ready to accept the problem and deal with it. As hard as it is, you just need to step back and focus on yourself.. Don't let them bring negativity into your plans.

As for christmas is it not better to cut down on others you buy for/say don't buy gifts this year and spend that on DS? I only buy for my children and my nephew now. All the adults agreed it was much easier sticking to children only.

I know deep down that you can't change someone else's mindset, I just wish there was some way you could.

My problem with Christmas is that out of the 12 I have remaining 7 of those are children, I still buy presents for cousins on LO's dads side because I am quite close to them and I receive all the presents from them rather than them going to LO's dads house. In all honesty I probably spend more money at Christmas on my exes family than my own and I wouldn't really know how to change that without feeling like I'm offending them. I also feel like if I buy for one then I have to buy for all, for example I get on well with one of the siblings and see their children regularly, another sibling we don't exactly get on well but I still feel I have to buy for them because I have bought for LO's other cousins.

Willowtree222

That's difficult. Could you perhaps do a 'token gift' for the one you don't get on with, a little craft set or stationary set for under £5? I find all sorts of bargains in Tesco craft aisle that I buy for birthday parties for my little one. They look decent quality and not like their cheap.

EssexHebridean

That's a good idea on the craft set type of thing - although I can see if they all see one another you can't treat one differently to the rest - it's a tricky situation.

As for getting someone else to have their LBM, there's almost nothing you can do other than sharing your own experiences ("Goodness I can't believe I had my head in the sand about credit card debt for so long - it scares me now to think what could have happened if I'd not realised where I was heading!") and helpfully dropping bits of information in to the conversation ("Have you come across that Martin Lewis site? Masses of really good advice on there!") That does sink in sometimes, although it can be a slow process. I've got friends who now make it their first stop for various financial things, which is at least a first step towards stopping using credit etc.

DebtFreeDuo

Thank you Nicnak and EH. I do like the craft idea, this year I think I'm going to give presents out on Christmas Eve rather than giving them to them when I see them Christmas Day then it shouldn't leave any room for comparing. I have dropped my budget down to £10 per child this year anyway so they won't have much to compare and I was thinking of the craft thing for the one of them anyway as she loves crafts.

Willowtree222

I've picked up the draft sets reduced to around £6, and they're decent sets. Originally £12 some of them too.

If you get 4 of them at this price, that's £16 saving.
I'll have a look later and see if I can see them for you x

Willowtree222

https://www.tesco.com/direct/go-create-drawstring-activity-backpack/306-3326.prd?skuId=306-3326



https://www.tesco.com/direct/3d-designer-bead-studio/335-9604.prd?skuId=335-9604


https://www.tesco.com/direct/creatology-kinetic-float-sand-purple/110-8707.prd?skuId=110-8707

Just some examples where they were £10 or over, but now well below £10 x

DebtFreeDuo

Nicnak wrote: »

https://www.tesco.com/direct/go-create-drawstring-activity-backpack/306-3326.prd?skuId=306-3326



https://www.tesco.com/direct/3d-designer-bead-studio/335-9604.prd?skuId=335-9604


https://www.tesco.com/direct/creatology-kinetic-float-sand-purple/110-8707.prd?skuId=110-8707

Just some examples where they were £10 or over, but now well below £10 x

These are great, thank you so much for taking the time to send them over! Think I might have to order a couple of the drawstring sets. Not sure if any of them are into beads which are a great price so I will play it safe with the bags.