Advice on issues with boss please

livewire_82

I need some advice...
I work in a job which I enjoy but for a boss who I feel I can never please. I feel like he's always giving me a hard time about the work I produce and the rapport he seems to have with the other members of my department appears to be much different to ours and I find he brings me down with snide remarks which do my self confidence no good at all. As an example, he's on holiday for the next couple of weeks & I said "you won't have to see me for 2 weeks, lucky you." To which he responded "Exactly right, you're exactly right." Now this may appear petty to anyone else, but I can read between the lines. The simple fact is, I've worked there long enough to know he has little confidence in me and to know that the person who I spend more time with day to day than I do with my wife feels that way is soul destroying. The last time I had an appraisal I didn't get a pay rise because I was told I need to do more & I fear the same will just be said at my next one. I sometimes just feel worthless. Agreed, I make mistakes but I make it clear that I'm a hard worker with a mature attitude to take criticism on the chin and learn from it. But I'm never commended for the good I do, only criticised for the bad. Yes, I'm a person who takes things to heart & sometimes I wish I didn't but it's not exactly something you can just turn off. I sometimes come away from the office so dejected and wanting to burst into tears that I've had to resort to taking anti-depressants.
I'm reluctant to discuss this with him as I feel this will just add to the friction when he knows I have problem with him. Resigning is also not really an option because who else is going to provide a reference for me? Is there anything else I can do to help me overcome this?

IAmWales

You could put in a grievance about him, but reading between the lines is not evidence. What else did you expect him to say to your comment? You set yourself up for that response.

If you can't cope then you need to find something more suitable. And toughen up!

TELLIT01

The comment you made to your boss about holiday elicited exactly the response I would have given in the same situation. You created the opening to wind you up and he took it.
Basically you have 3 options. 1. Tell him how you feel about the way you perceive you are being treated. 2. Suck it up and get on with life. 3. Leave.

ThemeOne

Firstly I would stop making the kind of comment you quote, as you're just setting yourself up for a negative response.

Unfortunately not all bosses assess those they manage strictly on the merit of their work.

You sometimes hear people complain they do so much "for the good of the company" but never get credit. This is because they do nothing for the good of their boss - the difference being a company is an inanimate object which can't reward you, whereas a boss is a human being who can.

In other words, with some bosses you have to be a people pleaser, and this comes much more easily to some than to others.

You say he seems to have a much better relationship with others in your department, so it seems they have somehow learned the art of pleasing him. All you can do is take a long, hard comparison of them and you and see what you come up with.

Otherwise is there any past background between the two of you which would cause him to be so down on you?

If all that brings up a blank, then yes you'll have to think about moving on.

elsien

Did your appraisal set you objectives?
Saying you need to do more is meaningless - what specifically do you need to do in order to achieve the pay rise? If you don't know, then ask for more objectively measurable targets.
When you say you're making mistakes, are they the same ones or are they mistakes that have more of an impact. Hardworking isn't good enough if your performance is below par.
Your boss may be picking on you. Or you may be leaving yourself wide open, such as with the holiday comment. Is there anyone in the workplace you trust to ask about how they perceive the situation from a different viewpoint?
But if you're getting yourself in a state you need to address it. It's not going to get better on its own.

Takeaway_Addict

livewire_82 wrote: »

I need some advice...
I work in a job which I enjoy but for a boss who I feel I can never please. I feel like he's always giving me a hard time about the work I produce and the rapport he seems to have with the other members of my department appears to be much different to ours and I find he brings me down with snide remarks which do my self confidence no good at all. As an example, he's on holiday for the next couple of weeks & I said "you won't have to see me for 2 weeks, lucky you." To which he responded "Exactly right, you're exactly right." Now this may appear petty to anyone else, but I can read between the lines. The simple fact is, I've worked there long enough to know he has little confidence in me and to know that the person who I spend more time with day to day than I do with my wife feels that way is soul destroying. The last time I had an appraisal I didn't get a pay rise because I was told I need to do more & I fear the same will just be said at my next one. I sometimes just feel worthless. Agreed, I make mistakes but I make it clear that I'm a hard worker with a mature attitude to take criticism on the chin and learn from it. But I'm never commended for the good I do, only criticised for the bad. Yes, I'm a person who takes things to heart & sometimes I wish I didn't but it's not exactly something you can just turn off. I sometimes come away from the office so dejected and wanting to burst into tears that I've had to resort to taking anti-depressants.
I'm reluctant to discuss this with him as I feel this will just add to the friction when he knows I have problem with him. Resigning is also not really an option because who else is going to provide a reference for me? Is there anything else I can do to help me overcome this?

Clearly you don't like your boss and they don't like you.....look for another job and help you both.