Debt and Mental Health

sun_city_girl

Unfortunately I've always had battles with depression and anxiety.
It doesn't help so much that I stopped my medication.
Anyway after budgeting really tightly this month, having to pay 2lots of council tax because last months bounced, I was feeling okay but then today NatWest took £43 of interest off me (I can't even find anywhere how much interest they are charging me for my overdraft) and it's really bummed my budgeting for the month,
Then my partner helpfully reminded me they were taking it to pay out as interest to someone rich :-(
I just feel so miserable and like such a failure
Earlier on this week his mum asked him what I had to be stressed about, as even though I have loads of debt my life is pretty good.
It isn't really.
It's good in terms of my partner and daughter but our parents are unhelpful, we've never been on holiday in 11 years together, we basically work opposite shifts so barely see each other and when we do I'm just miserable.
I guess I'm not the only one and it's my fault so that doesn't help things either.
I have a half sister - she lives with my dad and stepmum
She's just turned 18 she she was born they have put money in savings for her, she has no job and this weekend is on holiday with her friend in Madrid, they have all just come back from a holiday in Costa Rica. Me and my other full sister have never been invited on any of their holidays (China, India, Borneo, Sri Lanka etc) and yet if I complain about money my dad just tells me I should work harder.
He hasn't really worked but my stepmum I think had some money.
Sorry to moan and then be jealous, not good traits to have.

EssexHebridean

Everyone feels a bit of jealousy about stuff from time to time - but letting it take over isn't helpful. First up, stop comparing your life with your sister's - you've got a child and a wonderful partner and for all you know she might be wishing she had those things too. You're you, and she's her, and while it may feel unfair if as you say her Mum has a private source of income then that probably explains how come she gets given "something for nothing" as it appears - her Mum has different expectations for her regarding her earning her way in the world than your Dad has for you - but remember that down the line you're getting the life experience that will allow you to continue fending for yourself in the future - what does she have?

Might be a good plan to sort yourself out with an SOA (Statement of Affairs) - you'll find the link in one of the "sticky" posts at the top of the board - this will help you with budgeting and allow you to account for things like interest charges so you don't get stung with anything unexpected in the future. Google "Natwest overdraft charges" and I bet you'll find details on how they work things out.

sourcrates

Just regarding the OD charges, most banks will refund charges on at least one occasion per year, if you make a compliant, just as a gesture of goodwill, so cant hurt asking for the money back can it !!

National_Debtline

Hi there,


Debt can affect more than just the 'money in your pocket'. People can find it stressful and upsetting and that can spread into other aspects of their life, so it is understandable that you can find it hard.


It is important to find a debt solution that works for you, and takes things like your stress into consideration. That might mean that monthly negotiations are unsuitable and you may be better to look at a write off solution (like a DRO or bankruptcy).


A SOA would be a big help for future posters to guide you on other debt solutions to help you get back on track and feel better. If you struggle to talk to your family about the way the debts are making you feel, don't forget, you can try places like the Samaritans instead - 116 123. Good luck,


Laura
@natdebtline

charmed1318

Firstly take a breathe. Things happen, life happens and sometimes once it's been processed it comes out as c**p.

Natwest is a pretty good bank as as said, although it may be daunting, go in speak to someone (do you get texts to say when your account is in an negative way..?) explain you didn't know that payments were going out and you had no alerts (if you didn't set them up, which they can kindly do at the time), plus you can always ask to go to a private booth/area if you want.

Secondly, smile, your step-sister has a pretty deep lesson to learn and probably won't learn it for a long while (think about in years to come, she has continued spending and spending, has £?? in debt (and i mean 5/6 figures and can't budget)

(Do this now) Thirdly and I'm not saying do this after the other two, go back to your Dr. In the past 12 years I have tried a variety of meds to realise I may actually need them and find the right ones, being on them is not bad and coming off them esp cold turkey is no good idea, remember they see like 50 odd patients a day, whatever you say will not surprise them or make a judgement of you. I moved to a new area 5 months ago and I am only registering this week with one in my area as I'm scared as hell.

If Natwest are charging you, ask what it is. Firstly, they probably won't know off of the top of their head what the % is - making them feel a fool. Had an experience with HSBC today so may rant a tad lol! Make sure it it an authorised o/d, if you can fill out an Income and expenditure, PM me if you want a copy I have numerous on a spreadsheet they may see financial difficulties - though it may affect your credit report.

Do not 'blame' yourself.

Do not talk to your dad about money - unless you need to. And he sounds like a businessman and also a jerk, so things need to be explained. Even then, a lot of people on here say they can't even tell their partners so hats off to you. Same with MiL, I do not have experience with that, but this is your life to be happy.
(Might sound too deep but) No-one is a failure, they have just had a learning moment (previous manager channelling through)

Your partner and daughter are the best reasons for doing this, can you set aside an hour with your partner with bank statements for 12 months to work out where money is going, do a benefits check up. Some does take a bit of planning but if you know what you need to do, takes no time.

People will advise to do an SOA, the link is http://stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php format for MSE when your done, and be honest.

There are soo many knowledgeable people here, who have been through soo many situations.

You are not alone.
You are not in a position where there us nothing to do/help you.

I may have said something incorrect but someone will steer you in the right direction. I will say thanks, as I think this 'brainpower' has worn me out and I not slept too good recently.

Thank for reading all that - all readers.

Geoff1963

The overdraft charge looks like normal interest, a percentage of the average overdraft during the month.
Text alerts can be very slow ; get a mobile App and / or Internet Banking, if you go overdrawn too much in the morning, you can deposit it by the afternoon.
NatWest is about 70 % owned by the government, so some of your interest charges come back to you in child benefits etc.

It's good in terms of my partner and daughter

I'm reminded of the old joke : A married man is someone who has in his wallet, photos of children where the money used to be. Another says : Some rich people are poor, because all they have is money.

We sometimes take for granted what we have, and only consider what we don't. Don't worry, I'm just as guilty.

charmed1318

Natwest texts may not as good as an app, but I have both: text alerts and the app. If i go overdrawn I get a text giving me plenty of time to transfer money or get to the bank (like hours...), the app is something I have to log on to, remember to do which isn't always the first thought in the day.

DesignNotDefault

EssexHebridean wrote: »

but remember that down the line you're getting the life experience that will allow you to continue fending for yourself in the future - what does she have?

I can relate to the OP as I'm in the same position with my stepmother, she seems to have got the best years of my dad and lives the high life as a kept woman. However I also agree with the above; having to get everything I own through my own graft since I can remember has made me exceptionally resourceful, plus the feeling of achievement is priceless

Please look after yourself sun_city _girl. As suggested by other posters, a doctors visit and an SOA sound like a good starting point.

Geoff1963

having to get everything I own through my own graft since I can remember has made me exceptionally resourceful

Suzanne Collins explains it well in the books of The Hunger Games. The rich Districts could train their children to fight, as they grew older ; but the poor Districts had been teaching their children to cope with hunger, since the day they were born.