I am rubbish at money

happppydays

I am sitting here in tears, not sure where to start.
Very briefly, I am paying a £16,000 loan over the next 5 years which was paying credit card debt. I have also just moved 4600 onto a 0% credit card as I had built that up in the meantime.
I dont know how to budget!!
I transfer £900 to our joint account for bills and mortgage but my other half knows I'm in debt but not by how much and I am not going to tell him. I do have some disposible income but I just spend and I feel out of control. I dont know how to budget or how to stay within a limit. I know this sounds mad but any advice would be gratefully received as I feel very stressed by this.
Thank you

spadoosh

Dry those tears, youve come to the right place!!

It wont get better today but if you follw the advice on here you will get past it and you will no longer be rubbish at money.

Firstly you should do a SOA (statement of affairs). Basically list all your ins and outs. You can post it in a thread and people will rip apart your spendings, give you a good telling off like only a mother can and then give you normally simple solutions to financial problems.

I'd also consider telling the OH. Im no relationship guru but if you cant face up to it to him, i imagine you will struggle facing up to it on your own. Not to mention you can work together at managing your money instead of you struggling by yourself. Just simple things like him agreeing to a meal in instead of splitting a bill and going out.

Good luck!

EssexHebridean

Spadoosh is spot on. SOA first.

You're a good example of why consolidation is such a b ad idea - you've said it yourself - you don't understand about budgeting and that's the root of your problems - I know, I've been there!

The reason the SOA is so important is that it is going to become your "budget bible" - it will list every penny you have coming in, and going out, each month, and will also tell you how much you then have left over to pay off your debt. Nothing is unfixable and we've seen it all on here, trust me!

You're not "rubbish at money" - you just haven't learned how to manage it yet and currently, your money is managing you which is the wrong way round. We'll help you get back in the driving seat, sort the debts out, and start living within your means.

As far as telling your OH is concerned, I understand your fears, but, I'm going to ask you to do one thing - imagine if the positions were reversed - he was in that sort of debt and didn't tell you, only you somehow found out...how do you think you would feel about him not having told you? The reasons Spadoosh has given are great ones for telling him, but more importantly than that to me is the question of love and trust - if that's there then sure he might be cross, baffled, even upset, but he'll help you work through it all. It's worth a bit of shame now to maintain the honestly between you, surely?

Do you still have credit cards currently? If so your first job, even ahead of the all-important SOA, is to go and get a pair of scissors and cut the cards up. Put them through the shredder if you have one - even better. No more credit cards until you're back in the position of YOU being in charge of your money.

LeeU

I would seriously consider telling your other half, I didn't really discuss our financial situation until I literally ran out of money and had no where to go.
Yes, it cause arguments but we worked through it, keeping it secret won't help you in the long run especially if they find out the hard way.
I was the worlds worst for spending money, not on myself but on my wife and kids, if the wanted it I bought it.
That and the job/expenses policy at that time equalled a BIG problem, more than your current situation.
As EssexHebridean says, cut up the cards.

ReadingTim

There really isn't anything to it - it's basic maths. What comes in must be more than what goes out. 3-2=good, 3-4=bad. You simply need to know what's coming in and what's going out.

Keep a spending diary to see where your money is going. Fill in an SOA to see where it should be going: whilst some bills are a set amount weekly, others will be more variable less often (eg annually) and it's important to remember both. List all bills and debts - especially if they're in unopened envelopes... Most of your stress is probably caused by ignorance: you literally don't know what bills are coming next, how much money you have in your account etc. Information is the answer.

Then you can work out ways to spend less and earn more - it's that formula I mentioned above again: what comes in must be greater than what goes out: 3-2=good, 3-4=bad.

Lastly, it's not easy - you need self control and self-discipline. There ain't no magic wand, and sometimes you're going to have to say NO to yourself - no, I'm not going to spend that, or buy this because no, I can't afford it.

happppydays

Thank you thank you thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate it. Where do I find an SOA please?

happppydays

Do I just list my outgoings and incomings for one month? Thanks.

FatVonD

SOA at stoozing.com, remember to format for MSE

FatVonD

happppydays wrote: »

Do I just list my outgoings and incomings for one month? Thanks.

For most things it will be one month if they are paid monthly but other stuff like, say, Christmas and birthday presents it should be one twelfth of what you spend each year. The same for haircuts etc.

EssexHebridean

Get your online banking opened up along with any card statements etc. ideally have a full years worth to check through but six months will catch most things. The first go at the SOA should reflect the way things are right now - that gives you the ability to see where changes can be made and from there as you make savings you can tweak things - eventually you end up with a document that will be your new budget to work to.

Essentially it all needs to be as honest and accurate as possible. for things like car maintenance budget a figure but note against it if you've not done this before otherwise we'll be asking you where you;re saving it! A decent enough way of working out what you need to set aside is to add up any car costs that you don't pay in monthly instalments - so road tax (best to pay this 6 monthly or yearly as it costs more to pay monthly), an annual service, MoT, a proportion of a set of tyres - 50% for low mileage, 75% for medium and 100% for high - then add on 10% for screenwash, wiper blades, bulbs etc, and a further 10% for contingencies. Multiply by the number of cars in the household,and divide by 12 - that's your monthly figure to set aside.

Ilona

Statement of Affairs.

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

Ilona