Advice needed.

longleggedhair

I wonder if anyone has any advice for my situation. I live with & care for my elderly mother. Essentially she has always had a problem with buying things, which has caused her many problems over the years financially.

The result (over 70 years) is that we have upto 5 or 6 of the same items, every cupboard is full to the point they barely close, every bookcase is overflowing. Perhaps because I have lived in this environment my entire life I detest it! It's been good in some respects because financially I'm very secure because I've never wanted to find myself in the same financial situation.

She is incredibly defensive about it, if I criticise or moan about new purchases it can quickly descend into an argument so I now sneakily get rid of things (upto a bin liner each week) I have to do this or there would be no room to move in the house, I try to keep things neat and tidy but it's an endless battle.

As an example cups are one thing she buys usually one or two cups per month, I counted them the other day, 62 cups. There are 3 people in the house....I have tried talking about it but I get the argument "I've worked all my life and if I want it I'm having it".

TV shopping and the internet have taken over in recent years as she's less able to go out. The postman asked me if my "wife" as he thought had a shopping addiction!

It's very stressful and at present I manage it by secretly chucking things and keeping things clean and tidy but I just wish she could see that 62 cups are more than enough and she doesn't need to buy any more!!!!!! Help.

whiteguineapig

no advice, but my first thought was "can she afford it" or is she getting into debt?

Teapot55

Really difficult subject, but is the loft full up as well?

(Because we wanted to get the new thicker insulation that was being offered a few years back (our insulation is at least a foot deep now & the house is warmer for it) we had an incentive to clear all the stuff out. Glad I did it then - it was really hard going - it had been so easy putting stuff in the loft when I was 25! - and realised that if we had put it off any more we might not even have been able to do it physically).

If anyone young is reading this, don't put stuff in your loft, because you will regret it when you are old & have to fetch it all down again - or even worse - can't manage it!

LongLeggedHair - if the loft is full up you might want to think about clearing it now while you can. (Or not? - debatable!)

suki1964

Welcome to my world

One thing I would advise is a medical check up, restocking the same item can be an early sign of Alzheimer's

Mums the same, constantly upgrading and buying the latest and newest. She now has 3 laptops as well as kindles and tablets and doesn't have a clue how to use any of them

And I won't mention the tins of salmon etc

No real advice but wanted you to know you really aren't alone

kerri_gt

Just a thought as I'm not sure how's old your mum is, but was she affected by rationing from WWII at all? I have read / seen somewhere that the years of hardship or having little can have a long term effect on some people leading to a need or compulsion to stockpile and hoard either because they can, or 'just in case'. Not sure if it's like a kind of PTSD.

monnagran

Sorry, but this is a mental health issue. I dont understand it but I think it is more common than you imagine.

Have you ever watched 'Hoarders' on television? The families are beside themselves with worry but the hoarder can't let anything go.

I think that all you can do is what you are already doing,.getting rid of stuff surreptitiously might keep a bit of a lid on things but isn't going to stop it.
The financial side is more concerning, not much you can do about that.

I would suggest that a word with your mother's GP might be useful as this obsessional collecting of stuff is going to affect the health of everyone living in the house, not least of all your mother.