The Nice People Thread, No.16: A Universe of Niceness.

silvercar

Thanks all.

Is the funeral likely to be before Wednesday? I mean, the poor man isn't actually dead yet, after all.

Yes. Jewish funeral generally take place as soon as possible. Very good point that he is still alive.

Look at it this way; how would you feel if he kept something similar from you?

No. It's not "that close/blood" and there's no benefit to him knowing. Better to know here when he's available to think about it etc. Being distant, any/all thoughts would be without him able to "do anything".

On previous occasions, when cousins/ uncles have been ill, we have agreed in advance that if anything were to happen when we were away, we wouldn't be told. Particularly true in my family where twice people have died when my sister has been on holiday. (In fact, my sister now jokes that if I turn up unexpectedly at the airport again, she will assume someone has died!)

Unless, of course, religion provides some formal structure to these things I am unaware of that make a "yes" decision more usual.

It would for immediate family, not for an uncle or uncle-in-law.

Surely, whether he rushes back for the funeral ought to be his decision?

Yes, but having not been told would be his get out clause. He lands this evening, if there was a funeral say Monday, that means travelling back tomorrow. Tiring and frustrating.

The relatives will understand if he is thousands of miles away and cannot make it, but they might be upset if they do not hear from your OH at all.

I can make good sympathy calls.

If the relatives found out that the reason he did not attend or contact them is because you deliberately withheld the news, could that cause problems?

No they would respect my decision. They would understand that I didn't want to put him in the difficult position of having to make a decision on whether to come back or not.

Even if he can't make the funeral, he could fly direct to Manchester for the shivah. That would save him a couple of hundred miles of driving at the end of a long flight.

Very true. That would justify not telling him until after the funeral.

Pyxis

Why not tell him Uncle has gone into hospital, then ask him what he wants you to do in a worst case scenario.

Then, like the previous times, it would have been agreed beforehand.

GDB2222

silvercar wrote: »

Yes, but having not been told would be his get out clause. He lands this evening, if there was a funeral say Monday, that means travelling back tomorrow. Tiring and frustrating.

Of course, the main thing is that he is happy with what you decide. I am sure you know what's best.

I hope the old gentleman recovers.

silvercar

GDB2222 wrote: »

Of course, the main thing is that he is happy with what you decide. I am sure you know what's best.

I hope the old gentleman recovers.

I spoke to MIL this evening (it is her BIL). She said she certainly wouldn't expect OH to come home so there is no harm in telling him. Anyway apparently he is doing well in hospital, so hopefully all will be OK.

GDB2222

silvercar wrote: »

I spoke to MIL this evening (it is her BIL). She said she certainly wouldn't expect OH to come home so there is no harm in telling him. Anyway apparently he is doing well in hospital, so hopefully all will be OK.

Excellent news!

Pyxis

On Thursday when it was snowing all day, it was snowing inside my porch.

At first I thought it might be blowing in through a fanlight window that won't shut, even though the angle was wrong, so I blocked up the window, but it carried on snowing, a very, very fine dusting of snow raining down in one part of the porch.
Some had collected on top of things in small drifts. However, there was a pool of water on the floor.

You could barely see it in the air, only just, but you could feel it landing on your skin.

I couldn't see any cracks in the glass, or any obvious place where it was coming in, and the roof of the porch was heavy with snow in that particular part.

I could only assume that the very fine particles were being driven in under the flashing, or something.

On another thread, someone commented that it was snowing in their loft, I suppose for similar reasons, but I didn't dare go and look in mine.

It's strange that snow particles would be driven in but not rain.

chris_m

Pyxis wrote: »

It's strange that snow particles would be driven in but not rain.

They are much lighter and less aerodynamic than even drizzle size raindrops so the wind can catch and move them more easily - after all, you don't hear of "raindrifts" do you?

vivatifosi

Another reason you may not have noticed before is that the winds were easterly, whereas our systems are mostly westerly. Where I used to work we had problems, but only if the precipitation came from a very specific direction (ENE). They weren't able to repair as they couldn't identify the specific point of entry, but it hasn't happened again since.

Pyxis

vivatifosi wrote: »

Another reason you may not have noticed before is that the winds were easterly, whereas our systems are mostly westerly. Where I used to work we had problems, but only if the precipitation came from a very specific direction (ENE). They weren't able to repair as they couldn't identify the specific point of entry, but it hasn't happened again since.

Yes, I suppose it's quite likely that there is a little bit of flashing slightly raised on an eastern face.
It's interesting that even though there was thick snow on that side of the porch roof, which you would have thought would plug any tiny gap, it was still coming in.

I know that this snow was unusual for England (maybe not in Scotland) in being so dry and powdery and so cold.

I noticed this morning that there is still some frozen snow on the NNW side of the garden, despite it having all disappeared on the SSE side by yesterday evening), so I feel more justified in not having risked going out yesterday for fear of ice.
(I had cancelled an AmDram practice about 7miles away, which was a pain, but I really didn't want to risk skidding or slipping).

I read somewhere on here that Norway or somewhere has some heated pavements, (from geothermal springs perhaps?).
How cool is that! (Or should I say, how warm is that? :rotfl:)

LydiaJ

Pyxis wrote: »

On Thursday when it was snowing all day, it was snowing inside my porch.

At first I thought it might be blowing in through a fanlight window that won't shut, even though the angle was wrong, so I blocked up the window, but it carried on snowing, a very, very fine dusting of snow raining down in one part of the porch.
Some had collected on top of things in small drifts. However, there was a pool of water on the floor.

You could barely see it in the air, only just, but you could feel it landing on your skin.

I couldn't see any cracks in the glass, or any obvious place where it was coming in, and the roof of the porch was heavy with snow in that particular part.

I could only assume that the very fine particles were being driven in under the flashing, or something.

On another thread, someone commented that it was snowing in their loft, I suppose for similar reasons, but I didn't dare go and look in mine.

It's strange that snow particles would be driven in but not rain.

I had snow inside my porch too!

Actually I don't think that a lot of the white stuff that fell here was actually snow. The way the wind was blowing it about without it sticking to itself or anything else was one thing, but also I could hear it on the conservatory roof, whereas snow is usually silent, and DD commented that it stung when it hit her face, as if it was fine sand. I suspect it was very very fine hail, although I've never known hail be that tiny or go on falling for that long.