I Am Debt Free Wannabe

Simmo2207

Hi All!


I am brand new to this forum. I was in £40k of secret credit card debt which has built up over 4 years. I had been hiding it from my partner as he had previously said that he would break up with me if I ever got into debt again (I previously racked up £15k of credit card debt). I finally bit the bullet this week and told him about my debt, how I had been trying to deal with it myself and pay it off but that I just couldn't do it. He was so supportive and has come up with an action plan. Between us we have got 2 consolidiation loans, paid off 3 of my cards (we are waiting for my loan to come through to pay off the other 2) and he has created a budget for me. I am feeling postive and am aiming to clear off both loans in 3 years (the length of the loans are 5 years).


I am looking forward to paricipating in the NSD challenge months going forward and have signed up to the forum to find lots of other tips. Any advice and stories people also have to share would be great!


Also I just wanted to say thank you to all of the people that have shared their stories. It's nice to know that I am not alone and that other people have been through exactly the same as me (including hiding debt from their partner). I still feel ashamed of what I have done but knowing I am not alone does help

sourcrates

I was routing for you right up until the point you mentioned "consolidation loans".
Your previous track record, by your own admittance, has not been good in this area, whats going to stop you racking up another 15k of credit card debt ?

You must tackle the reasons why you racked up that debt in the first place, otherwise in 18 months time you'll be having this conversation again, this time with twice the debt.

I wish you luck, but you must be stricter with your spending from now on.

Simmo2207

Thank you for your reply. I am being far stricter with myself than the last time. For one thing I have cancelled all of my cards (I hadn't previously). I have a daily, weekly and monthly budget. I am also being open and honest with my partner and showing him my bank statements etc going forward.

A large reason why I got in this situation again is after I cleared my last debts I buried my head in the sand and didn't address the fact that I had a problem with spending and kept my cards. I started buying small things but it just started to build up until my repayments meant that I couldn't afford anything apart from my card repayments, which because I was hiding my debt meant that I spent more on my cards trying to hide I had a problem. I also worked from home and was very bored so I just used to go out shopping every day.

Unfortunately I don't have a job where I can do any of the IVAs etc because it is a regulated role and it would mean losing my job which would put me in an even worse situation. So this was our only option really.

Sorry for the long post and waffling on, I just wanted to try and explain why we had to go down this route. I am also putting my cards into a photo frame along with pictures of what that money could go towards and how I feel now so that I can see that every day and use it as motivation to never get to this stage again.

sourcrates

Simmo2207 wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. I am being far stricter with myself than the last time. For one thing I have cancelled all of my cards (I hadn't previously). I have a daily, weekly and monthly budget.

I am also putting my cards into a photo frame along with pictures of what that money could go towards and how I feel now so that I can see that every day and use it as motivation to never get to this stage again.

Good for you.

enjoyyourshoes

Yes Ok, but you still have not identified the key source of the problem, just the symptoms?

Without confronting why you need to spend, then you just will carry on, 'on your own merry little way'.

Simmo2207

The key things were that I was having a lot of problems at my previous work (new boss who took an instant dislike to me because he thought women shouldn't be in the workplace) and this led to me suffering from stress and depression. Because I worked from home I found that going shopping and buying myself nice things made me feel better. Unfortunatently I then got into a position where my repayments on my cards took about 90% of my salary. Because I had kept it hidden from my partner I couldn't tel him I was struggling so was just trying to live like most of my salary wasn't going on card payments (which meant I spent more on my cards trying to keep up the facade).

I left that job a year ago and my spending has improved dramatically. I wasn't buying myself things anymore to make myself feel better. I was also paying more than the minimum payments (my new job also came with more salary) and I was making small inroads. Because I hadn't told my partner though I could still bury my head in the sand about the actual amount I had outstanding on my cards but actually telling him has meant that I have had to address this and now someone else knows I can't overspend, even if I wanted to (which I don't and haven't wanted to for nearly a year).

My previous debt actually came from my ex boyfriend racking up a lot of debt which I was trying to pay off. Unfortunately though these repayments were very high and I was struggling. This led to me getting a credit card to pay for food shops etc but in hindsight this wasn't the best solution at all.

I do understand that I have a problem and I am trying my best to address it. Now that I have shared this with someone it does make me feel more confident that I can become debt free permanently (eventually). I also know that if I find myself being tempted to spend I can speak to my partner for help. We have also agreed that if I do find myself tempted to spend etc again then we will look at counselling but for now I am seeing if having a budget (which is something I have never done for myself before) will be enough.

enjoyyourshoes

Excellent.

You also are relying on your Partner 'to do' a lot of the processes of keeping tabs on your personal finances.

This could lead to a degree of 'abdication' of your responsibilities ?

Part of getting out of debt should be taking personal; responsibility for the problems, setting up processes to manage personal finances and seeing these through every day. It may be worth taking over the control of your finances and doing thing yourself. (accruing for annual bills, doing cash flow to ascertain this is sufficient, saving this money in high interest account, reconciling your bank account daily, searching for best deals for regular payments (utilities, insurances, etc), reducing costs at every opportunity, prioritising debts and planning strategy to pay these off at the earliest time, reducing spending and saving on household items (food), cutting out fags/mags/lattes/lotto/snacks/eating out etc etc)

Good luck

FinallyDebtfree2017

I feel that there is a lot of negativity towards your post. I 100% agree you need to tackle WHY you are spending, BUT WELL DONE for telling your OH, from experience that is super tough.

I agree though that YOU need to be in charge of YOUR recovery not your OH.

Simmo2207

Hi all

Thanks for the replies. Just so everyone is aware I am taking responsibility. I have already set up a high interest savings account and have budgeted to put money away in there. I also have a set weekly budget but I am targeting myself to be able to put some of this away. I already shop around for best deals and ways to save money (TopCashback, comparison sites for household utilities etc). I didn't ask my OH to check my accounts and I don't need him to do this, I am taking ownership and accountability for what I have done. He wants to do this so that he can start to build trust in me again as obviously what I have done is a massive violation of that. He wants to see that I am doing what I say I am going to and not go out spending recklessly or setting up credit cards without telling him.

I know this is all work in process, I only addressed the issue in the middle of this week.

FoxFace

Just wanted to pop on with a positive and a well done... some of these responses came across as pretty negative, I hope you didn't find that off-putting So glad your OH is being supportive too

I took a consolidation loan about 15 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. I never took any credit for years after the debt was cleared... the only reason for the debt in my sign (or most of it) is because we were made homeless twice in two years (no fault of our own either times) and hadn't had enough money to save as a fallback

So my point being so long as you do learn where your issues with debt lay, a consolidation loan can be a very good thing, in spite of what you hear on MSE.

Good luck to you
Fox
x

Simmo2207

Thank you FoxFace for your kind words. I was a little upset yesterday but I am sure that's not anyone's intentions.

The only option we had was a consolidation loan as I would never be able to pay off my cards otherwise. I really have been addressing my issues over the past year though and have not been spending just paying off my cards (unfortunately though there was just so much debt on there that I even paying over the minimum payments wasn't making much headway).

I don't want to be dependent on my OH to clear this debt, I am doing it on my own and saving money wherever I can but having his support makes it seem more achievable than when I was trying on my own.

I know I have got myself into a huge mess and I know that I am an emotional shopper however I am addressing this. I just never want to be in this situation again which is why I want to put my cards into a frame with how this has made me feel. No matter how down I feel or how good shopping makes me feel nothing feels as bad as being this much in debt. I want to be debt free in 3 years and am looking at as many ways to save money to make sure I achieve this (and never get into debt again).