Im 99% sure im doing the right thing...

**Amy**

... but the OH is kind of scaring me a bit...

Basically he lives in Ireland and moved there 2 months ago.

I am going over there, but i want to clear my debts first. I also want to have some savings behind me.

We had a bit of a disagreement last night with him saying that he would be able to get £10K from someone to pay off my debts. But the thing is, we would then owe that person (his father) that £10K, so technically i would still be in debt.

I tried explaining that i wanted to move over there as a fresh/new start and only have to worry about paying rent/bills/food, not an extra £300 odd a month for debts.

Anyway, he did get a bit off with me as i said its going to take me around 9 months - 1 year to pay off the debts and have some money saved.

He then said i should just move over to Ireland and leave my debts in UK. Errrrr NO!!! I told him that if things dont work out, i will have to come back to even more problems (which he know realises).

Anyway... do you think im doing the right thing in refusing the loan from his father?

xxxxx

(sorry for the long ramble! :rotfl: )

clarab_3

well, from a purely practical, MSE viewpoint - woulld the loan from the father be at a preferential rate to anything you have now? ie - would it mean you pay it back sooner?

Personally I understand totally why you wouldnt want to owe to his father, but maybe you could get the same effect by refinancing onto 0% card?

Perhaps if your OH is already paying rent over there, he'd be more than happy to continue to pay the majority if it meant having you there while you paid off your debt, and you could make a proportional input into the household bills?

supersavershal

I think it depends, how long have you been with your partner?is it a relationship that is likely to last.You dont want to borrow the money then split with your partner and have his father demand it back all in one go.It could be a good idea if you would pay less interest back to his father and made an arrangement to pay it off and stuck to it. It could make your debt free date even closer.You could just pay the amount you would have paid on your debts to his father but you wouldnt have as much interest so could pay it back quicker leaving you debt free sooner.Im not in favour of moving debt if it means you pay more interest in the long run.

**Amy**

Do you know what, seeing it from that point of view doesnt seem so bad!!

However, the jobs in Ireland arent as well paid as over here, so i would need to still be over here for around 7 months to pay off the £10K...

I will have a think about it, but i wanted to try and be debt free, i just feel like he is being quite selfish at not listening to my point of view... but then again maybe the same could be said for me...

Tete_en_l'Air

Hi Amy,

I'm going against popular opinion here, but... I'd be very wary of borrowing from a friend or family member, especially such a large amount. It's not something I've ever done myself but it's easy to see how it could all go wrong.

I think you're being really responsible in facing up to your debts and wanting to get them paid off without any outside help and you should be proud of yourself for that. I guess if your OH seems selfish in what he's saying it's only because he wants you over there with him. But he seems to be looking for a quick fix, which us DFWs know doesn't exist. Nine months isn't that long in the great scheme of things.

Good luck whatever you decide, Lx

January20

I would feel very uneasy about borrowing that amount of money from a friend or a member of my family. And Tete en l'air is perfectly right, 9 months is nothing in the grand scheme of things, plus I like you idea of starting afresh: moving away having paid all your debts and not having to worry about them anylonger.

**Amy**

Thanks Tete en l'air and January20, this is my thought (re: borrowing money from a family member). I would just worry that if things dont work out, i would need to pay back ASAP, which could cause me problems.

I think i will stick to my plan, and try and explain to OH that i will be going over there every 2 months (£20 a return flight cant be sniffed at!), and that 9 months vs. stress over debts is nothing!

:j