Where to start

Sazzie23

Hi

The 30 year old son of a friend is in serious financial trouble after relationship break up etcs. I don't know the extent yet but I do know he's had baliffs round several times, including to his parents. I'm only really considering getting involved as my friend and her husband are at breaking point. Son is currently living with them and spending his time drinking himself stupid. They think he's selfish, but I suspect maybe he's having mental health problems, which is also my motivation for trying to help. He has 3 children to who he pays maintenance and works a not fantastic job.

From what I can figure out a lot of the debts are PDL type.

His parents are the very tradional pay up and shut up types but they are very low earners themselves and can't cope with the thought of baliffs taking their possessions, but can't prove who owns what in the house.

How can I help? I've been in a DMP and on the DMP thread for several years but this is out of my knowledge base. I think his sister is up to date on what he owes so I could talk to her about options.

Thanks for reading

Saz

zippygeorgeandben

Hmm tricky one. I'd normally say steer clear and it has nothing to do with you but you're a seasoned poster on here and gone through a DMP so it's not like you'd be naive or anything. Have you actually spoken to your friend's son on a 1 to 1 basis? Away from the family home i.e. a neutral place. How well do you know this man? Would he recognise that he needs help?
The drinking may be the first thing to tackle though. Sounds like he may also need to visit his GP.
It's nice to know there are people out there like you who want to help with no personal gain however, I predict that most replies you will get will tell you to leave it alone and not get involved as it isn't your battle to fight.

Ilona

Hi. I think the only thing you can do is be there for your friend. It's good that you care, and she needs your support, but it's best to just be a good listener. If you start becoming more involved it could end up very messy.

Give her information if she asks for it, let her cry on your shoulder, but don't tell her what she should do.

Ilona

sourcrates

It would depend on how much he owes, and for what.

If its mostly payday loans, then possibly not that much.

Its always difficult when you dont know the facts, unless the people involved are willing to share that information, all you can realistically do is point them in the direction of stepchange or national debtline, and advise they talk to them.

Unless you have quite a close relationship, they are unlikely to want to go into much detail with any 3rd party unfortunately.