Just entered into an IVA and worried how to tell boyfriend

Laura2018

This week i've finally dug my head out of the sand and worked out how much debt I'm in. I'm 28 years old and have around £22,000 worth of debt. I was in foster care all of my childhood and no one ever taught me money management so i've had to learn the hard way.... Not that I am in any way trying to shift the blame onto anyone else, I obviously am completely to blame for my situation. I've been racking up debt for the last 10 years and something has finally had to give.
After exploring all of my options i've decided to enter into an IVA. I do feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and i'm on my way to being debt free.
However, I've recently met my absolute soulmate and we've been dating for over 6 months now and are talking about living together soon and our plans for the future. He works in insurance and is extremely money savvy. He was almost 60k in savings and no debt whatsoever. I feel so ashamed that he has landed up with someone like me and feel like I don't deserve him. He doesn't know anything about my financial situation and I am worried he'll leave me when he finds out the truth.
I've been diagnosed with depression in the last few months and was also in hospital in February after taking a massive overdose. I feel so much better now i've got a plan in place financially but I still feel sick with worry about what my boyfriend will do when he finds out. He's been talking about us getting a house together in 2018 which obviously is never going to happen....

DCFC79

So tell him then, its either that or you making excuses why you cant get a house, well you could but not together.

sourcrates

I think if the guy loves you, he won't care about anything else.

If he kicks off and makes a fuss, then he was never worth keeping in the first place.

Well done for dealing with your debts, the IVA will give you some piece of mind from your creditors, that should be your focus.

bilbodreams

It's worst the thinking about telling him than actually telling him. (do I make sense?)
You'll feel better if you tell him, I promise, some of us have been there ;0)
Having an IVA is not the end of the world, life continues, and you get to have 6 years to get your finances in order/save for a deposit/learn about finances etc
He could still buy a house (avoid financial association though) and you can still move together, and after 6 years review your situation. You could then put your name down on the mortgage.
You are young and you have so much to look forward to. Speak to him please, life is too short, and you'll be so much happier :0)

zippygeorgeandben

It's just possible that he might love you even more if you open up to him? Sounds like a good catch.

Laura2018

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I'm thinking about writing him a letter and then leaving it up to him.... I'm very worried it's going to be a deal breaker for him

heartbreak_star

It's one of those things where you're not going to know until you try, sadly. Good luck

HBS x

Laura2018

So I told him last night and he said to me we're in this together and nothing would change how he feels about me....I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

National_Debtline

Laura2018 wrote: »

So I told him last night and he said to me we're in this together and nothing would change how he feels about me....I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

Hi Laura

I’m glad this has worked out well for you and you now have extra support from your boyfriend.

James
@natdebtline

sourcrates

Laura2018 wrote: »

So I told him last night and he said to me we're in this together and nothing would change how he feels about me....I feel like such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

Debt is the great unknown for many people, still, despite all the information there is out there.

People worry about the most insignificant things to do with debt, as if its the end of the world, when in reality, it was never more than a slight hiccup !!

I wish you well in your IVA Laura, and in your relationship.

Bumblebear

So pleased for you, like others have said, he sounds like a catch! You might also find that just having him in your life really changes your mindset about money (I speak as someone else who had debt entering a relationship with someone who had savings, and had never owed anyone a penny - we're married now )

Best wishes on all counts