Daughter going to uni - so.upset

Charityworker

Hi. I know my problem is going to seem really trivial. My youngest daughter is off to uni in September and instead of being happy about it I'm so upset. I literally can't stop crying. I know I should be happy and excited for her and I do know it's going to be great for her but how am.I going to get through it? I've been crying for a week.now. waking up crying in the morning. How do you mums get through it? If I'm like this now how bad will I be when the day finally arrives?

Guest101

Do you have enough going on in your life? Empty nest syndrome can be a massive burden.

Charityworker

Yes probably too much at the moment. I run a business full time and I'm a district councillor.

maman

I couldn't read and run.


It's a difficult one but you've already said it's great for her and I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way.


My DGD went to university in September so my DD is on her own at home now. It was difficult particularly to start with. They text/phone regularly but basically you just have to get on with it. You've got plenty to keep you busy so you'll manage and after a while you'll settle into the new routine. You have to support her and it wouldn't be fair to burden her with your problems (not that you intend to I'm sure).


Perhaps plan something special for you next September/October. Holiday with a girlfriend? Keep busy at weekends with days out?


Have a hug and put on a big smile, tell her how proud you are and help her to plan ahead. .

*max*

Perhaps you need to book an appointment at the GP.

Being a little upset at the fact your child - now young adult - is leaving to go to Uni and won't be home all the time is normal. It's the end of an era, if you will, albeit being perfectly normal and expected.

However, crying constantly, waking up crying, when what you are crying about is 6 months away and is not a tragedy - it's not even a BAD thing at all - is not "normal". Maybe you are processing this more deeply because of your general mental health not being the best right now?

Charityworker

Yes I do think I need to see a GP. Thing is I'm not looking upset in front of anyone I know so the minute I'm left on my own I just start crying and can't stop. I'm particularly bad today because I was out and heard a song on the radio that took me right beck to a really bad time in my life. Now its like an ear worm. It won't go even if I try humming a happy song over it.

I think the idea about planning something nice for me in September might be a good idea.

I know it's a good thing that she's going to uni. I won't be trying to stop her or anything like that. I just need a hand getting through it.

susancs

It is hard when your child goes off to University. My eldest child is in her second year now and I have younger daughter at home, but I remember feeling sad like you for a few months before my eldest left for uni. When my husband and I took her up to start university I was so sad for days after but so were a number of her school friends mums so I had them for support. I remember hearing a childhood song and crying.

Like you, I knew she would cope and do well but I missed her. However she is really happy at university and happy to come home too. She has lots of nice new friends from other parts of the country who want to visit London so come and stay. She rings or skypes/facetimes most nights, We have visited several times. Like you I am busy with work and have family and friends and find the uni terms are so short that she is back home a lot. We plan nice family trips and activities for when she comes home.

Sending a big hug to you, it does get easier.

74jax

Are you close to her? I only ask as I was a single mum with one daughter. We are very close. She went off to uni last September and I've found I don't miss her like I thought I would.

It is different for me as I didn't feel the sadness before she left, I was so excited for her, it was like I was going away not her. She included me in everything, her student finance, I went to the open day with her, helped choose the accommodation, shopped with her.

It hit me on the last night she had her friends round for drinks. It wasn't just my daughter leaving but I wouldn't see all her friends either, the house would be empty.

I dropped her off at uni, stayed about an hour and left and it's been fine. We talk in some form every day. Is as though she is here really. I've been to visit, met her flat mates.

Her mothers day card this year meant the world, she said I'd taught her independence, unconditional love and how not to dwell on life, how she can achieve her dreams.

I think she was worried about me, as she is an only child and so I wouldn't have another too look after, but we have reached a different relationship stage. I'm so proud of how she has coped.

I would try and be involved in what is happening, show an interest etc. But really a deep breath, big smile and portray a front of happiness shop they don't feel a sense of grief of sadness you are upset.

And come on here, as this is what we are all here for.

thorsoak

It is very hard : as mums we work oh so hard to give our offspring roots and wings - and how much it hurts when they use those wings! It's a good idea to have something planned for when she goes off - as well as helping her get everything ready - and it does need a lot of planning - almost equipping another home it seemed to me - and even when No 4 left, it was just as hard as when No 1 left.

You will be okay xxxx

Fireflyaway

I have thought about this and don't laugh - my child is only 10! I dread the day my child leaves, even though I will be so excited and happy for them too. I've already planned I might get a horse to take up my time.
It will pass. The worry and build up can be worse than reality sometimes. I remember holding mine as a baby and bawling my eyes out wishing for her to stay a baby so I could protect her and keep her away from all the bad things in life. Being a parent is hard but with the pain there will be so many great things too.
What is the main worry? Missing her? The bond you have changing? or are you worried for her safety or wellbeing ( not eating right / drinking too much etc!) ? Try to identify the main issue then do something to lessen the stress. Book a spa break together for the uni holidays. Buy a cookbook. Send regular parcels of goodies etc. You are not losing your daughter, she is just going away to do something to benefit her future. I'm sure with time things will get easier.

tensandunits_2

OP are you menopausal? It could be your hormones playing tricks and making your emotions more exaggerated than normal.