Visitors when you've just had a baby

cyantist

Our first baby is due in 2 weeks and we aren’t sure how to handle visitors in the early stages.

We had originally said we didn’t want anyone coming round for at least a week (preferably 2) to give us time to settle and both sets of parents can be frustrating at times. All my family lives 2 hours’ drive away, hubby’s live 5-6 hours' drive away or abroad.

One issue is that my parents (well my mum) think for some reason they are more important and should get to come and stay with us and see the new baby before hubby’s mum and stepdad do. With the distances they all have to travel getting both to come for a short visit on the same day would be impossible.

To slightly complicate things, we have a lodger who when my parents visited recently said to my mum “I’m going to see the baby before you do, ner ner ner ner ner” which upset my mum a lot (and did annoy me and hubby as I felt there was no need for such a comment). I’d ideally like both sets of parents to see the baby before her almost out of principle now, though as this is where she lives I appreciate this is probably not possible and is just me a being a bit childish really.

Any suggestions on how I handle this?

tonyh66

serve the lodger notice, see how they like that.

cyantist

tonyh66 wrote: »

serve the lodger notice, see how they like that.

Genius! It would mean we then had an extra spare room and could put more people up at once. Though thinking about it, 2 sets of parents at once and a new baby is more than I could handle.

She is usually lovely and I really have no idea why she said that. If I hadn't heard it myself I'd think my mum had made it up/exaggerated

Sunny_Saver

Tell the lodger you need the extra room and space now you have a baby. Also having a baby means unsociable hours and erratic, so you think it best if it were just you and OH and baby. Congratulations

LilElvis

Give the new grandparents the details of the nearby Premier Inn / Travelodge / B&B. Tell them that you would love for them to see the baby but that you don't want to commit to housing and feeding them all when you don't know how you will be feeling and also will be getting used to a new routine and little sleep. You need to be firm, unless you want to be rustling up a Full English after two hours sleep, whilst baby screams to be fed and your boobs are leaking!

tensandunits_2

You may appreciate having somebody around to help you with the baby, especially if it's your first one. You don't know yet how you will feel (apart from tired!) so why not leave it until after baby's arrived, and talk with your parents and in-laws then?

cyantist

Sunny_Saver wrote: »

Tell the lodger you need the extra room and space now you have a baby. Also having a baby means unsociable hours and erratic, so you think it best if it were just you and OH and baby. Congratulations

Thank you. With 2 weeks to go until due date, we wouldn't be able to give the lodger enough notice anyway. I'm not sure what we will do longer term, but the extra money would certainly be helpful while I'm on maternity leave.

LilElvis wrote: »

Give the new grandparents the details of the nearby Premier Inn / Travelodge / B&B. Tell them that you would love for them to see the baby but that you don't want to commit to housing and feeding them all when you don't know how you will be feeling and also will be getting used to a new routine and little sleep. You need to be firm, unless you want to be rustling up a Full English after two hours sleep, whilst baby screams to be fed and your boobs are leaking!

We did think about this but we have a lot of space and living near London rooms even at a cheap B&B are extortionate, especially if you can't book in advance. I'd feel really bad saying "thanks for all the things you've bought us, although we have 2 spare rooms, please go and pay £100+ a night to stay at the premier inn".

tensandunits wrote: »

You may appreciate having somebody around to help you with the baby, especially if it's your first one. You don't know yet how you will feel (apart from tired!) so why not leave it until after baby's arrived, and talk with your parents and in-laws then?

I'd be happy for my sister to come and stay for as long as possible, because she actually would be a help. From how both sets have been during visits throughout my (very difficult) pregnancy I very much doubt they would be any help at all!

GwylimT

tensandunits wrote: »

You may appreciate having somebody around to help you with the baby, especially if it's your first one. You don't know yet how you will feel (apart from tired!) so why not leave it until after baby's arrived, and talk with your parents and in-laws then?

She does have someone to help, the babies dad.

GwylimT

We have no visitors for at least two weeks, its just easier, even more so when it isn't your first baby and you have a child getting used to their new sibling.

tensandunits_2

GwylimT wrote: »

She does have someone to help, the babies dad.

Yes, and the sister, it turns out. I think with your first baby it can be very helpful to have someone around who's had children of their own.

cyantist

GwylimT wrote: »

She does have someone to help, the babies dad.

Thank you. This is actually one of the big problems I foresee with visitors. Both sets of parents seem to expect to be waited on hand and foot by my husband (his are a lot worse than mine). He will obviously want to spend as much time with his child as me, but I can imagine the parents would spend all their time cooing over the baby and "looking after it" conveniently leaving hubby free to clean up the house, tidy up after them, and make them cups of tea! And they'd actually think they are helping by doing this.

I think the no visitors idea is a good one. Still doesn't solve the who visits first problem though...