Husband is leaving me

glosoli

Prove to him that you are not a push over and get legal advice as soon as possible for your own sake.

Thrugelmir

DollyDay wrote: »

My husband has just become a total stranger. We have spoken about me buying him out and he has told me that if he gets half of what the house is worth now, and then I sell the house in 5/10 years time - he wants half of the equity that has accumulated during that time as well. He has also told me that he wants more than £225k, that he doesn't have to move out if he doesn't want to (he was going to move out at the end of the month), and he might want to stay here for a few years, then sell the house and retire.
It doesn't sound very amicable any more somehow...

A solicitors letter might well focus his attention. Don't get embroiled in pointless discussion.

RightyTightyLeftyLoosey

Please protect yourself financially and seek the advice of a solicitor, as others have said.

Most will have endless experience of dealing with unrealistic ex-spouses and their ridiculous demands. The courts are only interested in what is equitable, given the circumstances of each particular case, and it sounds like your husband is in need of a wake-up call.

AnotherJoe

DollyDay wrote: »

My husband has just become a total stranger. We have spoken about me buying him out and he has told me that if he gets half of what the house is worth now, and then I sell the house in 5/10 years time - he wants half of the equity that has accumulated during that time as well.

Fantasy time as long as you ensure the break is final and the financial split means that house ownership is updated. Though it's also good reason to be selling.

DollyDay wrote: »

He has also told me that he wants more than £225k

After 20 years seems highly unlikely he'll get that.

DollyDay wrote: »

that he doesn't have to move out if he doesn't want to (he was going to move out at the end of the month)..

Correct and another reason to sell and have any clean break. Doesn't work with the idea of him having found someone else though. Maybe just a bluff to get you to want to sell ?

DollyDay wrote: »

and he might want to stay here for a few years, then sell the house and retire.
It doesn't sound very amicable any more somehow...

Sounds as if the penny hasn't dropped about his pension.

Then it will get even less amicable. All points towards selling being your best bet. You need to see a solicitor.

GDB2222

This is a very difficult time for you both, and you need some legal help. But some lawyers tend to inflame the situation, in my experience. (I work in that field.) So, try to find solicitors who are more collaborative than confrontational. And be prepared to compromise.

I know some lawyers who will happily spend £10000 of the couple's money on fees in order to get £1000 more for their client.

Lots of couples share the house during the divorce process. It's much cheaper, obviously, than running two households.

If you both have nearly equal earning power, the obvious solution is a 50/50 split of all the assets including the pensions. You can't retain the house unless you take on a massive mortgage, so you will just have to come to terms with that, I'm afraid. So will your husband. It will be a clean break, so he won't be entitled to anything after the divorce is settled.

GDB2222

On the pension, you can argue for an equal split of the income from the pension rather than the value. Whether that makes any significant difference depends on the type of pension it is and your ages.

This is one area that you can rack up costs for a marginal advantage. Since the costs will come out of the joint pot of assets, it may not be worth it unless the pension is quite big.

DollyDay

Thank you to everybody who has taken the time to reply.
I feel very shaky today, didn't have much sleep.
Can anyone offer any advise as to how to go about finding a solicitor please?
I don't know any and I'm not sure where to start.

Many thanks

AnotherJoe

Do you have any friends or work colleagues who've been through this process?

GDB2222

DollyDay wrote: »

Thank you to everybody who has taken the time to reply.
I feel very shaky today, didn't have much sleep.
Can anyone offer any advise as to how to go about finding a solicitor please?
I don't know any and I'm not sure where to start.

Many thanks

http://www.divorce.co.uk/divorce-approaches/collaborative-divorce


That is the website of Mills and Reeve, who are rather a large firm. Large generally equates to expensive! But you may find the ideas helpful.

http://www.resolution.org.uk/

This is a list of collaborative lawyers.

Bear in mind that it takes two to tango. Also, its early days and there's no huge rush, provided you can manage to share the house reasonably amicably for the time being.