Sacked for stealing - next steps?

Smrhh

Hi all,

I have made a HUGE mistake & now I don't know what to do or where to turn.

I have worked for company x for 4 years. In that time I have been a faithful & hardworking employee without any issues or cause for concern for my employer with regards to my integrity. However, I have suffered with mental health issues since childhood and over the past year these issues have affected my work. My marriage has been struggling and the pressure I put on myself to be correct & perfect at all times was causing me to get stressed and bad tempered with my colleagues. My boss noticed these changes and urged me to look after myself better and I managed to improve for a while. Then my marriage really started to nose dive and I went off the rails...long story short I became suicidal and had frequent panic attacks. I was distraught one day and took off on my own in the rain without a plan as to where I was going. My husband and 2 of my colleagues hunted me down in the rain, the police came to the house and strongly suggested that I went to the hospital etc - it was a big drama that I didn't want. After that I agreed to go on antidepressants and take leave from work. I was away from work for approx 6 weeks (feeling massively guilty the whole time as I knew they were struggling without me there). In that time I was pretty much confined to the spare bedroom in my house while my husband had the run of the place (he had wanted 'space').

I found a house share but couldn't move in for 6 weeks - in total I was in the spare room for approx 4 months.

I went back to work and my boss+colleagues were amazing - so supportive and kind. The problem was that I just don't respond well to that kind of love - I find it difficult to accept and I just end up getting worked up by it. When I went back we were having issues with a newly hired member of the team who was very unreliable (it is a reception desk so if someone doesn't turn in it can cause real chaos). I was also just super stressed at being around people again but I managed to hide the worry and convince everyone was I was 'normal'.

Moving day was set for the 1st March and I was really freaking out. I have been with my husband about 8 years, living together for 7 and married for 3 (no kids, that's a major part of our issue). I had no savings, a huge credit card bill and a massive shopping compulsion.

The crux of it is I stole nearly £500 in cash from my company. I can't explain what my intentions were...I knew it was a stupid and wrong thing to do. The next day my colleagues (my great friends who found me in the rain and sat with me at the hospital) confronted me about some discrepancies, I lied to try and cover myself, I was found out and lied again and 2 days later my boss sat me down and laid it out that they could see what I had done.

Obviously I have been sacked for gross misconduct. They are conducting an investigation to see if I have stolen before but I haven't...I don't know what I was thinking but I didn't spend any of the money etc and the cash was sent back to them in a taxi the same day.

I know that they won't refer me to the police etc and that I am extremely lucky that I won't be taken to court & prison over this.

I just don't know where I go from here. I have now moved in to the house share but I have no income to pay the rent (Ihave paid until the end of March), I can't go back to my husband (the house is rented in his name) I have £300 in my bank account but payments will be taken out of that (card repayments, pet insurance etc). I have 2 lovely dogs that are still in the house with my husband that he needs me to walk& feed when he is at work (we worked opposite shifts so that we could look after the dogs properly). I don't have any other family & my only friend that isn't associated with my employer has her own things to deal with - I feel like I only turn to her in a crisis and I'm not going to impose on her this time.

I'm genuinely torn between trying to get a new job and make a go of living in the house share (so I could still walk the dogs & there would be a tiny chance of making the marriage work if I can get back on my feet), running away to live somewhere that provides bed & board in exchange for work (how could you ever get out of that situation?) or just giving up entirely (which would make the only people I care about feel like crap short-term but would relieve them of my long term).

So is it possible to get employment after that? It it even worth me trying? Do I lie? If so, what lie? I am in the middle of a huge still ocean with no idea of how to get to the shore...

DCFC79

It is possible to get another job, might take time. Do no lie about it, it will only come back to bite you.

Bogalot

Is it possible to speak to your ex employer about your reference. Once the dust has settled they may be willing to give you a neutral one.

In the meantime you need to claim housing benefit and JSA or ESA (they may now be known as Universal Credit depending on area).

Smrhh

I have looked in to claiming but I won't get JSA for months due to being sacked and I think housing benefit takes a long time too doesn't it? I just feel like if I can't get something sorted in the next couple of weeks there probably isn't any point in bothering at all...I don't want to let my new housemate down by not being able to pay rent

Bogalot

Smrhh wrote: »

I have looked in to claiming but I won't get JSA for months due to being sacked and I think housing benefit takes a long time too doesn't it? I just feel like if I can't get something sorted in the next couple of weeks there probably isn't any point in bothering at all...I don't want to let my new housemate down by not being able to pay rent

Your JSA claim is likely to be sanctioned, but you're still best to get your claim in as quickly as possible. Also if you're not fit for work (and if your doctor agrees) you can claim ESA, this would not be sanctioned. HB processing times vary between areas (and will be different if part of a universal credit claim) but again it's best to get the claim made asap - it's better to receive payment late than not at all.

In the meantime get registering with agencies. Temporary work is more likely to overlook your rough patch, plus even a short contract will reset the clock JSA/ UC wise, you won't be subject to sanction if your last job finished because the contract ended.

pmlindyloo

Smrhh wrote: »

I have looked in to claiming but I won't get JSA for months due to being sacked and I think housing benefit takes a long time too doesn't it? I just feel like if I can't get something sorted in the next couple of weeks there probably isn't any point in bothering at all...I don't want to let my new housemate down by not being able to pay rent

OK, so you have paid your rent up until the end of March so you have time to get this sorted.

You can apply for JSA/Universal Credit - the sooner you do the better.

It is possible that you will be sanctioned (all the more reason to get your claim in sooner than later.)

Housing Benefit can be claimed on the basis of low income (that is if you claim JSA and HB separately) and you can still the housing costs part of your Universal Credit even if they sanction you.

From what you say it seems that you have been under a great deal of pressure. Would a visit to the doctor be appropriate? Compulsion to shop might also be a sign of depression (I am not trying to diagnose you just trying to help)

Can you also speak to your last employer about giving you a letter about the incident being totally uncharacteristic. This coupled with a letter from a doctor might just prevent a sanction benefit wise.

A visit to CAB about your debts and receiving some help would also relieve the pressure.

It sounds to me as if you need some 'breathing space' to get your head together and work through your 'problems'. Things may seem unbearable at the moment but there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Try to get some help.

TBagpuss

Yes, it is possible to come back from that.

Don't give up entirely. It would hurt a lot of people, and not just in the short term. It sounds as though that is your depression and illness talking. Try not to listen to it.

It is worth speaking to your employer. Be honest with them, explain that you understand that why they have sacked you, but also ask whether they would be prepared to give a neutral reference simply confirming the dates and job title you were there, so that you can look for alternative work once you recover.

Are you getting appropriate support for your health issues? You might find that it is helpful to contact you local branch of 'Mind' http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/ and that they may be able to offer help and support in looking for work once you start to recover, and in the mean time to help you with claiming any sickness benefits you may qualify for.

in terms of house-sitting of being part of a community where you work for accommodation and so on Do you mean something like Emmaus?) i think in most cases you would be able to work part time else where, or to use it as a short term thing.

Finally, if you need someone to speak to urgently, do consider calling the Samaritans (or emialing if that is easier.

Be kind to yourself. It may feel that way, but it is not the end of the world, andthings can get better.

bugslet

Without going into details which would be inappropriate for the ex employee.

We had someone that worked for us that stole a damn sight more than £500, of which we only got a small portion back. Mental health issues led to it.

Once the person had got back on their feet with their mental health problems, they found a job, for which we were happy to give the most positive answers that we could,w ithout telling an outright lie.

It sounds as if your employers realise that it was out of character and I suspect that they would take the same view of how to respond to a reference request.

I hope you feel better soon.

elsien

With regards to the credit card payments, I would suggest contacting one of the debt advice charities such as stepchange to talk through only making token payments for now. It'll damage your credit references but in your current circumstances that may be a lesser consideration at the moment - stepchange can talk you through all the pros and cons, anyway.

I wish you well and hope you can start to see a way through this sooner rather than later. Go to your GP and talk about getting signed off sick for a while if that's what you need to do to get some breathing space.

cavework

OMG OP I really feel for you.
First question I will ask is what did your fit note say while you were off work?
Did your Doctor give a referal for an occupational health assessment ? Does your work offer this?
second question is ..
Did your employers hold a return to work meeting when you came back?
I am not making excuses for you but I honestly think you should not have returned to work while you were dealing with all of this.


Stop feeling ashamed ..you have tried to hold everything together ..you have done better than a lot of people could in the same position. XXX

Smrhh

Hi all,

Thanks so much to everyone - I'm overwhelmed by how nice everyone has been...what I did was criminal & I knew it was wrong- but at the same time it seemed like the right thing?! My boss was so supportive and I have really hurt him & my 2 colleagues (my boss and 1 of the colleagues are actually a married couple) - they feel betrayed more than anything else. There was actually someone in the business a couple of years ago that stole £13k over a period of a year and so now they have zero confidence in me because this reminds them of that.

I officially have something called Borderline Personality Disorder....basically I'm self destructive, I either idolise or look down on people, I set myself unrealistic goals and I pressure myself into being perfect.

The only time I have ever managed to maintain a 'normal' mental state for a long time is when I have been completely on my own so maybe that is what I need to do again. My husband and I love each other very much but my husband fell out of love with me over a year ago...I said some things that really hurt him and it changed how he looks at me.

Anyway, thank you all again - I didn't expect such support and understanding- I certainly don't feel that I deserve it - but I appreciate it all the same.