Please learn from my mistakes!!

Ellieseleven

Well done on taking the first steps, those are the hardest!


It might not be all plain sailing but I can tell you, it is definitely worth it and the freedom you will feel is immeasurable;)


Good Luck


Ellie x

sunshinegirl66

I have learnt from being in debt of £37000.I kept the extent to myself until I reached the point when I finally told my husband.He was very supportive.
That was back in 2007 and now since October 2016 we are finally debt free.Its very difficult when you are both retired and over 65 but sheer determination kept me going.

I hope to never go down that road again.
We have sacrificed holidays to pay this off ,but we are now free at 68 and 72 years.
There is no magic fix.

kindofagilr

Well done on taking hte first steps, I highly reccommend a diary, I saw your other post where you can't stop thinking and talking about it and it's doing your wife's head in lol, te dairy will help with that
I love mine xx

pbsmiles

Well done. Its not just a man thing honestly my debt was over 90k when I admitted it in 2009, unfortunately my husband wasn't supported and a massive blame culture came into our marriage after 21 years. He gave me the impression he thought i had done something with the money, when in fact it was part of his constant wanting a new car and new furniture and to retrain and then only work part time as the kids could spend more time with him and due to previous mental health issues I just found the money to give him what he wanted. Back fired in the end, marriage broke up and I got left with the debt of which I am still fighting. So its great to hear your other health is giving you the support you need. Good luck to both of you.

Game_Over_2

Hi

I wanted to post this in response to your last thread so I'm pleased you posted again.

I think it's easy to underestimate the sheer emotional pain of that 'lightbulb moment'. A lot of reality crashes in at once and you start hating yourself, and feeling like you've let everybody down. I know I did.

I took a lot of comfort from a book by Julia Cameron & Mark Bryan called Money Drunk Money Sober. It was published in 1992 so some of the specifics are out of date now (applies to America, anyway) -- but she's really good on the emotional aspect of money issues.

One very wise thing she observes is that when you have that lightbulb moment (though she doesn't call it that), and you've taken steps, and you're not adding to your debt, it's tempting to think you're in the middle of a disaster. But the OPPOSITE is the case -- when you were blithely spending was the real disaster. Now, however tentatively, you're putting things straight. You're averting a disaster.

I think we worriers would feel right if we didn't beat ourselves up a little bit. But very few people get a proper money education so we all have to learn it as we go along.

Susanhughes_54

My son has just informed me that he has so many debts that his salary won't cover them any more. When you get a phone call saying that it would be easier to jump under a train it's pretty shocking. The ironic thing is that he has no arrears yet so his bank won't help. Stepchange have offered to set up a DMP which is a good start, but if you have no photo identification get no benefits you cannot open a bank account. So it looks like he will have to spend money he doesn't have to get a passport. Everything is so frustrating and as his mum am just trying to get him to hold it all together. Glad you can see light at the end of the tunnel

angelpye

Susan, that sounds really hard. I am a mum and my elder DD has expressed similar things in the past. Will none of the banks take other forms of ID? Would a provisional licence not be cheaper if not? Have you told him to come along here? He will get loads of support and I think it helps to know you are not the only one. There is even a DMP thread for mutual support. Also the Samaritans is a good resource for people in their darkest hour - my friend is a Sam and people call about debt and feelings of hopelessness a lot. They don't take details of names etc so its totally confidential. I wish you well and hope your son gets the support he needs.

Lumanous

Susanhughes_54 wrote: »

My son has just informed me that he has so many debts that his salary won't cover them any more. When you get a phone call saying that it would be easier to jump under a train it's pretty shocking. The ironic thing is that he has no arrears yet so his bank won't help. Stepchange have offered to set up a DMP which is a good start, but if you have no photo identification get no benefits you cannot open a bank account. So it looks like he will have to spend money he doesn't have to get a passport. Everything is so frustrating and as his mum am just trying to get him to hold it all together. Glad you can see light at the end of the tunnel

Hello Susan, I hope your son will be ok. It might look daunting at the moment but he has recognised it and that is great, especially at a young age. Might be overwhelming but he can get through it and I'm glad he has you to support him. Might be worth him having a look around just doing some reading on the forums like you are too so he knows he is not alone and can see that little changes can make a difference. There is always light, it's just finding it

Dan sounds like you are getting a handle on it all and I'm so glad you have opened up to your partner and can deal with the outcome. It's one thing dealing with things alone when you are alone (like me) but I am sure it takes a great deal more when you are having to hide it or take on the additional burden so I am so glad you have taken that step. Good luck on your journey hopefully more will see it is possible and can be ok from you sharing your story