Hiding debts from partner - How can I tell them

shel0314

Hi all,

I currently have a debt of around £4500 on a 0% credit card. I had a lot higher debt that I accumulated during uni (my loan didn't cover my rent so I relied on credit cards and overdrafts. Eventually i had to also pay off my £2k overdraft with a credit card and the interest had piled up and piled up)

My partner knew about this and after paying off about 2/3rds of it i stupidly told my partner it was all taken care of, we weren't planning to buy anywhere for a while and I thought it would be fairly simple to pay off the rest but due to saving for a deposit at the same time I am yet to pay this off.

I have done several affordability calculators and AIP forms so I know we are likely going to be accepted for the mortgage amount that we want, but I'm going to have to tell him before we go to the bank and actually apply. I was hoping there would be a way to hide it really, as it wont affect him or our mortgage amount either way. How do I tell him? He's going to be so hurt. Is there no way I can go through this and just deal with the debt myself? :(:(

thriftychick

Taking out a mortgage together is a big commitment on both sides and hiding things from each other will never work out well, there are plenty of threads on here to prove it. I think you should tell your partner and at the same time, present them with how you plan to pay it off. Divide the debt by the time you have on the 0% card and commit to paying that amount off each month. They may be annoyed with you initially but it is better to be up front. Good luck.

zippygeorgeandben

First of all, please don't worry about it. What decisions you made in the past, whether good/bad/misjudged are in the past. They are irrelevant now. Is there a possibility of you paying this off monthly. Have you got the funds to do this? When does the 0% run out?

Fireflyaway

The amount is small compared to many. So long as you are not behind on payments its not a huge deal. Actually having a card and paying it back can increase your credit worthiness. Maybe before you tell him, work out in your budget how you are going to tackle paying it off? Bad news usually goes down better if there is good news with it, or at least a solution to the problem. He will most probably find out during the mortgage and its better he hears it from you and not the mortgage advisor.

shel0314

Thanks all,

yes the debt is fully under control, it will be paid off well within the interest-free period as I've had a pay rise and moved to a 41 month 0% deal. It's strange because my credit score is a lot higher than his, as he has never had a credit card until recently (went into work straight out of school and has always been extra frugal and good with money) he made me feel like a bit of an idiot for ever opening a card, but he is privileged to be in a situation where he has never needed one. He spends about £100 on his card every month and pays it off in full to build his credit score - to someone like him a £4500 balance is going to seem like so much. My main concern is him finding out after I told him it was already taken care of. That's why I was hoping to hide it I suppose, just because I know the debt is fairly small (compared to some I've seen on the forums) and under control.

TBagpuss

I think possibly you need to think about why you lied to him about it before, and why you are so anxious to hide it now?

If you feel you can't be honest with him, or if you are scared of telling him, then that suggests that there are bigger issues in your relationship than a (relatively small) debt, and it may perhaps be sensible to address those, and to look at how well the two of you communicate, and whether you have compatible attitudes towards money.

I think after that, the best way would be t sit down with him, explain that you weren't entirely honest when you told him that you had cleared the debt (and why that was, if you can) and then explain what the current amount remaining is, and what your plans are to clear it.

This may be an opportunity to talk about how you plan to manage your joint finances in future.

shel0314

Well the reason I lied is that I was embarrassed and ashamed, and naively thought I could clear it up before he would need to know. I suppose another issue is that he just doesn't understand credit - like others have said on here the debt is fairly small and I know of many people paying off more debt than I am on 0% cards. I know I can manage it without affecting him, but he is very much a worrier and all things doom and gloom and more than anything I don't want him to worry and stress about something that's not his fault or his problem. I keep a spreadsheet of all my finances with projections for savings/income/monthly payments which I've never shared with anyone, but I'm hoping if I can show him that I'm in control and the debts are from a long time ago when I was young and not reflective of my spending habits now, then he will forgive me. I think that once he sees that it won't affect our mortgage chances he will be okay, just hurt that I have hidden it. If anyone has been in a similar situation I'd love your input.

enthusiasticsaver

Money is often a source of conflict in relationships particularly if one person views it differently to their partner and as you say he does not like credit and you have had to resort to it in the past and are paying it off. Keeping it secret is not an option. If you are taking out a joint mortgage you are effectively creating a financial link so it would be unfair of you not to tell him, regardless of how difficult this is for you. You also need to declare it in your mortgage application so I would tell him well in advance and asap. The closer you get to applying for a mortgage the harder it will be as he has no time to adjust to a new reality.

Show him your spreadsheet, explain as you have above, tell him you are sorry for lying to him and hopefully he will be understanding. Good luck.

DigForVictory

Feed him, sit him down & say "I made a mistake."
Let that penetrate, then explain.

He may be so relieved it's just money that when you explain its under 5K & anyway sorted, he may near fall off the sofa with relief.

If he wants details, start with asking him to read this thread, while you get the spreadsheets.

If he decides to turn all 'holier than thou', it is possible he's got the jitters and is just looking for an excuse to leg it.

Best of luck & if he's got the sense God gave a rabbit, he'll be thankful you now really understand credit & are extra good with finances in consequence.