I am about to lose my home.

I wonder if anyone can offer advice?
Left my partner in March 2015. He lives in our council home still with our 17 year old Daughter who chose to stay near her school. I moved into rented accommodation and continued to pay rent and bills at 1k a month. Then his eldest Daughter and her boyfriend both moved in and both work full time so I informed him I would no longer pay the household bills or rent (he has always only worked part time)- because both his new lodgers work full time and could help with bills.
Anyway I started giving my Daughter 200 cash plus paying her phone rental 30 a month plus giving her the CB every month. (He refuses to give her her passport or birth certificate so she can open a bank account).
He went to CMS and in July 2016 I was ordered to pay 686 a month direct from my salary. This is despite me writing and telling them the circumstances plus what I pay plus her staying with me at least 52 nights a year.
He basically told them I'd abandoned him and her and have paid nothing. He also refused to give his bank details to be paid directly.
I've since had to move out of my rented accommodation and now my new rent is 850/month and with other bills and debts I'm in serious financial trouble and have now missed a rent payment because I can't afford 686 a month and to live.
CMS say it's not their problem and what he does with the money is basically up to him. ( she texts me weekly asking for money for clothes and shoes and I still pay her phone). They live on take away and my 17 year old daughter is now obese. I'm frightened of losing my home.
This is like a quick overview of my story so please don't be judgemental.
I just am so at my wits end I could cry.
I also took my name off the tenancy right at the start because he said he couldn't claim tax credit if it was still on there.
So he basically works PT- always has. He claims TC. He works cash in hand.
My own situation is I work full time as a care home manager. I live with my new partner who has just been diagnosed with MS and works 10 hours a week now because it's all he can manage down from 40. CMS say my circumstances are irrelevant and they can take up to 60% of my gross earnings and if I can't pay rent it's tough.
I feel like walking onto the motorway most days to get out of this hell. Please can anyone advise? Do I give up working?
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Comments

  • NYM
    NYM Posts: 4,066 Forumite
    First Anniversary Photogenic Combo Breaker First Post
    What an awful situation... :(

    I can't offer any advice or help, but I'm sure that someone will be along soon enough that will advise you on your options.

    Good luck x
  • 1. If you were paying your ex £1000 a month, how come you can't now afford to pay the reduced amount of £686 that the CMS is asking for? I'm confused. With regard to the £230 you give your daughter voluntarily, well that's voluntary and you only have to pay the CMS amount.


    2. Why are you getting the child benefit? I didn't think it was possible for one party to get the child benefit and the other to get the child tax credits.


    3. Your daughter is 17 so anything you have to pay won't be for long now anyway. When is she 18?


    4. Your daughter needs her own bank account. If her father won't give her her passport or birth certificate to allow her to open one then that's abuse and a matter for social services.
    Overactively underachieving for almost half a century
  • Rejast
    Rejast Posts: 45 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Sorry to hear you are having trouble.
    I am also a little confused as to the £1k
    It is totally possible to have child benefit claimed by one parent (even if they don't live with the child) and tax credits claimed by the other.
    As your daughter is 17, is she still at school?
    If your daughter wants her own bank account you could always help her order a copy of her birth certificate online and have it delivered to your address
    I can only reiterate that you are only legally obligated to pay the maintenance, morally it is a whole other minefield. I would try to concentrate on paying what CMS have assessed and transfer the child benefit to your daughter and pay her mobile phone (as I assume the contract is in your name) and no more until you are back on your feet.
    I understand this may cause some issues with your daughter (I have a 17yr old girl myself) as she would no longer get the £200 as well but she is old enough to understand. You could always point out that it could be worse, you could hand in the child benefit for her Dad to claim it and by the sounds of it she wouldn't get any of it then.
  • Have you entered your monies in to the CMS calculator?


    https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance


    Also try turn to us site
    https://www.turn2us.org.uk/


    I have an Android phone and have mentioned before that I have an app that does call recording.
    I have this and ALWAYS tell people at call centres that I have a phone that does this and it is a business phone and I can not turn it off.


    This sharpens their mind and makes them think about what they are about to say.


    Order a new birth cert (as others have said) you can walk in to a registrar office and get one there and then (I assume you will know where and when it happened :D )


    Look up things and gain the relevant information before you call.


    For benefits purposes (I had to deal with my dads stuff) they often have a fax number on the page and this works well- they can not deny receiving it as you will have a receipt from the machine
    I use a combined printer / fax thing.
    baldly going on...
  • 13Kent
    13Kent Posts: 1,177 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Combo Breaker
    Unfortunately we've been in the same situation where our PWC denied receiving money that my husband had paid, the CSA believed her leaving him with arrears for money that he had already paid in addition to his regular CSA payments, and other extras he continued to pay for after they split up.

    The CSA don't care about whether the NRP has enough money to live on, or about the lifestyle and amount of money the PWC has at their disposal, or what they do with that money - whether they give some to the child or not, whether they use it to pay their bills, or whether they spend it on stuff for themselves - it's all about how much they believe the NRP can afford to pay based on their formula and calculations and nothing else is taken into account.

    However, difficult as it may be as you feel you want to support your daughter directly financially, you are only obliged to pay the amount the CSA stipulate and the CSA will not take into account any extras you are paying- they consider them to be voluntary payments (even in our case payments to things like clubs, school uniforms, household bills, house insurance, and even a joint loan - none of that is considered). It was hard for my husband, but he eventually had to stop paying these extras as he couldn't afford to live. The PWC tried to blackmail him into paying them telling him the children were going without, and even putting them on the phone and saying "Dad will tell you why you can't to such and such as he won't give me the money for you to do it".

    It was very hard, he felt very guilty, but once he did stop paying for the extras he was struggling less, and actually the kids didn't miss out as she found the money to give them the things he was paying extra for anyway.

    Unfortunately you're stuck between a rock and a hard place with some tricky decisions to make.

    There is light at the end of the tunnel, CSA liability ends when Child benefit ends. So at 19, or at the end of her A levels or other approved education or training - A levels, some apprenticeships, NVQ's level 3 and above, and some trainee schemes the liability will end.

    If she goes to Uni that counts as further education and your CSA liability ends.

    So if your daughter is 17, she must be coming to the end of her education - if she finishes in full time education then your liability for the CSA will also end and you will be free to support her directly and not via the PWC if you so wish.

    Good luck, I hope you manage to sort things out.
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    AdeleRSC wrote: »
    I wonder if anyone can offer advice?
    Left my partner in March 2015. He lives in our council home still with our 17 year old Daughter who chose to stay near her school. I moved into rented accommodation and continued to pay rent and bills at 1k a month. - why?? Then his eldest Daughter and her boyfriend both moved in and both work full time so I informed him I would no longer pay the household bills or rent (he has always only worked part time)- because both his new lodgers work full time and could help with bills.
    Anyway I started giving my Daughter 200 cash plus paying her phone rental 30 a month plus giving her the CB every month. (He refuses to give her her passport or birth certificate so she can open a bank account). - why are you not giving this to your ex??
    He went to CMS and in July 2016 I was ordered to pay 686 a month direct from my salary. This is despite me writing and telling them the circumstances plus what I pay plus her staying with me at least 52 nights a year. - your circumstances aren't really relevant, this is money for your child
    He basically told them I'd abandoned him and her and have paid nothing. He also refused to give his bank details to be paid directly. - that's silly on his part as he'll get less, but a common situation. You could've sent money via cheque for example
    I've since had to move out of my rented accommodation and now my new rent is 850/month - well can you find cheaper? and with other bills and debts I'm in serious financial trouble and have now missed a rent payment because I can't afford 686 a month and to live. - have you tried a DMP?
    CMS say it's not their problem and what he does with the money is basically up to him. - indeed ( she texts me weekly asking for money for clothes and shoes and I still pay her phone). - teenage girls can have expensive tastes They live on take away and my 17 year old daughter is now obese. I'm frightened of losing my home.
    This is like a quick overview of my story so please don't be judgemental.
    I just am so at my wits end I could cry.
    I also took my name off the tenancy right at the start because he said he couldn't claim tax credit if it was still on there. - fair enough, not really relevant.
    So he basically works PT- always has. He claims TC. He works cash in hand. - that's up to him.
    My own situation is I work full time as a care home manager. I live with my new partner who has just been diagnosed with MS and works 10 hours a week now because it's all he can manage down from 40. - is he claiming anything additional? CMS say my circumstances are irrelevant and they can take up to 60% of my gross earnings and if I can't pay rent it's tough. - but they wont be taking 60%
    I feel like walking onto the motorway most days to get out of this hell. Please can anyone advise? Do I give up working?

    You wont be evicted straight away figures recently released suggest that eviction is taking over 8 months.
  • You need to stop giving her the £230 because that won't be deducted from the £686.

    If he really does work cash in hand it's not relevant because his earnings don't matter.

    There's nothing you can do you'll just have to pay it until she leaves education. Do you know when that will be?
  • Thank you.
    I did say it was an overview of the whole story and there have been some helpful replies- thanks.
  • Thanks Guest101. I'll sleep better knowing it'll take 8 months to evict me....
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    AdeleRSC wrote: »
    Thanks Guest101. I'll sleep better knowing it'll take 8 months to evict me....

    Im not saying it will take 8 months, just that is the average length taken.


    If you want housing advice, pop over to renting boards and I or another person can give you an overview of the legal position
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