Talking to partner/spouse about debt

worriedDan

How do you approach the topic of debt with your partner/spouse when you are the one who looks after the money (badly in my case)?

Do you go for total disclosure, regardless of consequences? Does anyone keep their debt a secret from their spouse and get away with it?

My wife knows that we have a lot of debt, but she doesn't actually know the figures.

ceb1995

Since presumably you have a financial association best to go for full disclosure since it ll affect her credit too and you can come up with a plan to deal with it together.

FBaby

Just responded to your other thread. If she knows that you are in a lot of debts, then it shouldn't come as a big surprise.

From what you've said, it is not YOUR debts but that of both of you, so your only single fault is not having gathered the extend of it before now. She is however as responsible for the bad habits of over spending.

I think the best way to approach it is coming up with a solution, which you have started doing with your SOA, and make her see that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

You can then together work out the best way to manage your finances in the future. It might be a good thing for her to be involved in it so she has some control over what is happening.

Money_Rollercoaster

I hid the extent of my cc / loan debt from my wife for quite a few years, even through remortgaging. I was actually nearly 2 years into sorting out the debt and things seemed to be on the up that I felt I could tell her that I'd been struggling with it all. Even then, I don't think I've ever owned up to the total.

I do think it's alot better to talk these things through, but I 100% recognise that you can get stuck in a trap of trying to sort it out in secret.

enthusiasticsaver

I think it's better that husbands and wives or partners deal with it together. Full honesty, regardless of how difficult it is or how much one party wants to protect the other. That way you can come up with a budget together and plan. The last thing you need is one person carrying on blithely spending while the other is worrying and scrimping and scraping by.

Why don't you want your wife to know the figure? Presumably she contributed to the debt figure too? Is it because you think it reflects badly on you as you manage the money or you don't want her to worry? You do need a budget as I seem to recall you have a lot of debt but a high income? Sticking within that may be easier for her if she knows the extent of it.

When_the_going_gets_tough

You are partners. Think of your marriage vows. You are in this together and you are both adults. Keeping secrets in marriages usually turns out badly. Have faith that your wife has the resilience and courage to deal with this she might surprise you. Treat her like an adult. Good luck. With regard to your debt it might help to think that when you want a treat which you can't afford think back to the last time you had that treat and paid for it on credit - so you have already had that treat and now you need to pay for it before you can have it again - a mind trick but it might just help.