Has anyone been successfully 'treated' for compulsive spending?

Ivanesence

Money_Rollercoaster wrote: »

I've hundreds of DVDs in my loft, the product of compulsive spending. I've bikes I've hardly ridden and expensive electricals that were purchased on credit. Keeping spending in check, for me, is a conscious battle and if I'm feeling depressed, that's when I'm at greatest risk.


I've made big progress paying off old CC / loan debts and I am currently managing to keep to a budget and continue to pay off what I owe. I do know however that I've done this before ... paid things off and slipped back into bad habits.


Has anyone here had any sort of therapy or counselling that has broken a cycle of overspending, particularly associated with spending during depressive / manic periods? I feel that I need some help so I don't spend my whole life locked in this cycle.

I have a similar problem and I find that practising mindfulness really helps here. When I feel compelled to buy something I don't need I zone out and ask myself questions like:

"Do I need this?"
"If it weren't in the sale would I buy it?"
"Why am I here?"
"How am I going to pay for it?"
"How am I feeling right now?"
"What could the money be spent on instead?"
"Will it make me happy?"
"Where am I going to put it?"

Seems silly but it works sometimes...other times my mind fights against me and my response to "Do I need this?" is "Yes."... :doh:

Money_Rollercoaster

theoretica wrote: »

Why do you still have this stuff? Getting rid of it might help reinforce how wasted the money you spent really was - a good reminder next time the urge to spend strikes you. Either sell it for a fraction of what you paid, or if it isn't worth that hassle to you give it to charity.

I have done that before. I'm not sure how therapeutic it would be to get rid of it for a pittance. Anyhoo, I might need the pittance I could make from selling it all when I'm really on my uppers ...

Ivanesence wrote: »

I have a similar problem and I find that practising mindfulness really helps here. When I feel compelled to buy something I don't need I zone out and ask myself questions like:

"Do I need this?"
"If it weren't in the sale would I buy it?"
"Why am I here?"
"How am I going to pay for it?"
"How am I feeling right now?"
"What could the money be spent on instead?"
"Will it make me happy?"
"Where am I going to put it?"

Seems silly but it works sometimes...other times my mind fights against me and my response to "Do I need this?" is "Yes."... :doh:

I suppose part of my success in getting myself some way toward being debt-free (when I really was in the ****) has been doing something like that. I have had to remind myself of how the short term buzz of acquiring something new is often followed by less positive feelings ...


I'll have to work on that.

Teacher2

Distraction and substitution help.

When you feel like spending to cheer yourself up take yourself away from the temptation whether it be online or at the shops.

Close the computer and do something else for a while (a walk, Hoovering, ironing, reading...) or, if the problem is actual shopping in a real shop, avoid visiting them. If you have to visit shops make a shopping list and stick to it. if you think you will give in to temptation add a treat like a croissant or cake and take it home to eat with a cup of tea or coffee.

While you are weaning yourself off spending unnecessarily and you have cravings you simply cannot resist substitute an expensive purchase with one that costs much less. Instead of buying a new dress or shoes go into a charity shop and buy something cheap and cheerful like a £1 scarf or a book or a DVD you haven't yet seen.

For just over two pounds the other day I bought four books (fifty pence and 'buy one get one free') and two sets of 50 cake tin liners that I know are £4.50 each in Lakeland. All bought from a charity shop where the charity benefits too. I had exactly the same shopping 'buzz' I would have got from buying the items full price and an extra helping of smugness from knowing I had saved money buying things I needed/wanted cheaply that I could have spend ten times the amount on.

These distractions and diversions are only stepping stones to forgoing the pleasure of buying what you do not need and suffering the pain of debt. Keep trying to give up spending and don't give up if you backslide. They say that every person who succeeds at giving up smoking, one of the most powerful addictions there is, has attempted abstinence six times.

Spatton

Have you tried calculating how many hours and minutes (literally) you have to work to earn the money to pay for stuff. That can sometimes help put it in perspective - essentially telling yourself that your time is worth more than a shiny new 'thing' that will give you a happy feeling for just a few minutes.

dw1

Money_Rollercoaster wrote: »

Nkkingston - I'm sure you're right, it isn't just the spending it's a whole bundle of things that probably need unravelling somehow. I guess I've put off doing anything about it as Inot sure what a doctor can achieve - after all, if they couldn't fix my persistent shoulder pain ... how are they going to fare with what is more than likely some sort of mental illness. Perhaps I need to try all the same.

It sounds like you're aware there's an underlying problem but put off seeing a doctor about manic/depressive periods by your previous experience - that's understandable, and it's possible that they won't be able to give a permanent 'cure' but it also can't hurt to speak to someone, other than perhaps taking up a few hours of your time.

The one thing that's definitely true is that manic depression (now usually called 'bipolar disorder') is much easier to treat in between the high and low periods, when your mood is more stable and you're better able to put things in place to protect yourself later on. So if you think that's where you are at the moment, now would be the best time to take action, if ever.

Money_Rollercoaster

Thank you for the responses, Teacher2, Spatton and dw1. I don't have time to respond properly now, but when I get a mo later I'll pop back and do the job properly. Thanks for looking in though.

Money_Rollercoaster

OK. Me again.


Spatton ... I haven't done that. I do try and focus on where the money is coming from to pay for it though nowadays (I was criminally poor at doing this simple and pretty obvious thing before). If I don't have the money to pay for it now out of my cash balance and I won't have the money to pay for it when the credit card needs clearing next month, then I don't have the money. So far, that has been working pretty well, apart from Christmas, when everything went totally kablooie because I hadn't got any savings.


Teacher2 - I am at risk quite a lot of the time, because my most outlandish expenditure has often occurred in the comfort of my own home. Some times, I've hit that buy button and then immediately realised I'm being stupid. Sometimes, it has arrived by the time I realise its stupid and I have sent it back (sometimes this still costs you something). Other times (sadly) the twinkly new thing has arrived and it never gets sent back ... some of these purchases have been kept long term, but others have maybe lasted a relatively short while before the need to balance the books has resulted in them being sold, most often at a healthy loss. I am an impulse and reward shopper when out and about too, but to a lesser extent and actually I have always used charity shops quite a lot. I think part of my problem is that I focus on something and there's a part of my brain always ready to latch onto something as being needed / wanted and before you know it, (a) I have already devoted too much time to thinking about it and (b) have sown the seed that I'll probably get it at some point. The risk has often been that (b) sometimes coincided with my less than rational moments and at some point becomes NOW.


dw1 - I know what you are saying and it makes sense. I'm probably not sure I want to be diagnosed. I have a neighbour who is very bipolar and who does have a diagnosis and I can still hear her shouting when she's at her worst. I don't get THAT bad, but I am definitely on the same spectrum somewhere. What often happens is that when I'm on level ground, I feel a bit like a fraud for seeking help. I just imagine the doc / counsellor saying "How do you feel now" and I say "Fine" and they say "Great, job done ...". I think I am getting closer to talking to someone about it professionally, largely because I know when I'm at my worst that it can be hard on my family, so I appreciate your encouragement to make that step.

ada-or-ardor

MR, there is no shame in getting a formal diagnosis. It won't change anything. It won't make you closer or further away from me, your boss, the shouty lady next door or anyone else in the world. You are who you are, and to me you seem very self-aware and thoughtful. If you decide to take next steps in looking into your mental health with a professional, you should do it for yourself and to get the support YOU need (ie strategies for dealing with compulsive spending), not because of the "burden " you feel you become on other people. Also, it is far less scary than you might imagine speaking with professionals about your mental health. Thirdly, if you're not quite ready for that, there are some great charities like Mind and SANE who have helplines who might give you a softer introduction to "dealing with it" in a more focused way, before going to your GP or whatever route you might go down.

However, it's completely up to you also to manage your own health in any way you see fit. I'd just hate for anyone to not seek help, guidance, treatment, whatever, because they worry what it means about them as a person. Especially with mental health issues, because the effect that has on your self-esteem often exacerbates any conditions one might have! They are all such a cruel affliction. Anyway, I'm sure you are lovely and loved, and you deserve support and nurturing as much as the next person - in whatever form that means for you.

I do agree though, with PP - compulsive spending is very strongly correlated to mania and if you already have suspicions that this may be affecting you, dealing with the spending may only be fixing the surface symptoms, and not the underlying problems.

Best of luck with everything! You could even start a diary on the diaries board if you wanted to be more accountable for your budget and have somewhere to go to scream "someone tell me not to order these gold platform boots NOW!!!!" :-)

Ada

Olliegami

A few people have mentioned depression and these manic episodes you talk about. For a really long time I was diagnosed with depression, and had a lot of other difficulties but recently on a gap-year in Australia I was actually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I would have low moods one day (and end up taking a day off) and then bounce back into work the next morning feeling like a different person. I had a lot of issues with relationships and really noticed an issue with spending. I realise some people are just compulsive spenders - but I had these feelings that I HAD to have it, and I could (even if it was on my credit card. Not really my money!)

Either way. Getting a diagnosis and learning more about myself and knowing there were other people who had the same symptoms as me, and 'got' how I felt was such a huge relief.

I don't think you need to get a 'formal' diagnosis, and honestly - it would be hell to get one if you're able to function at least one day a week. Either way! The point I was trying to make is that maybe take a look! Some of what you said sounds so familiar and I know I was relieved knowing what the issues I'd faced for so long was.

ANYWAY!!!! There are loads of ways you can try and control your spending. You just have to decide how serious you are about it. I kept a spending diary, and also put a fair amount of money into a savings account - one of those ones you can't access unless you order the money or whatever. It was difficult. I NEEDED that money, but the next day I was usually thankful for it.

That said, you should be allowed to treat yourself every now and then. Put it in your budget!

Money_Rollercoaster

Thank you both. I think I will probably talk to one of the charities and see where that takes me. It has actually been quite therapeutic to get some of it off my chest here.


I might start that diary thread too ... that way when I do have a hankering for something outlandish, you can chip in and ask quite rightly whether I have need of (and funds for) a shiny new synth, Heston Blumenthal Waffle Machine, remote control car, jumbo TV or sparkly new megasmartphone (yes, these are all recent near misses).