Have you ever 'ghosted' a friend? (Or had it done to you by a friend?')

uberalles

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Easier said than done.

And are you suggesting that it's less rude to say to someone 'you are boring and annoying and I don't want to be friends with you anymore?'

Not quite as cut and dried as it sounds is it?

Easy ? No. That's why I said have the guts.

More honest though and can be put across in a certain manner that does not have to be so rude or harsh.

For example, I know a fella years ago who simply told another fella he simply did not have time in his life for everybody who is in contact with him so would not be keeping in touch. The second fella thanked him for his honesty.

Certainly does not leave the poor person pondering on what they have done wrong.

fierystormcloud

uberalles wrote: »

Easy ? No. That's why I said have the guts.

More honest though and can be put across in a certain manner that does not have to be so rude or harsh.

For example, I know a fella years ago who simply told another fella he simply did not have time in his life for everybody who is in contact with him so would not be keeping in touch. The second fella thanked him for his honesty.

Certainly does not leave the poor person pondering on what they have done wrong.

I seriously cannot see one single person I know - or have ever known - being OK with this.

Most people would think, 'why am *I* one of the ones being phased out of my friend's life?'

Sugar coat it all you like, but telling someone face to face that you don't want them in your life anymore is something NO-ONE would want to do.

And very few people on the receiving end would think (or say) 'hey that's cool, thank you for your honesty.'

onlyroz

fierystormcloud wrote: »

Seems a shame to lose touch with a sibling like this, for what seems (IMO) a trivial reason; maybe she had her reasons for getting married in secret. If they got on OK it seems a bit much to lose contact. JMHO.

I know a woman who got married in secret - just her and her husband, and 2 friends (for witnesses,) to save on fuss and cost. Her parents disowned her for doing it. 3 years later, still no contact! Crazy (IMO.) All of my sisters said they'd be glad, as it means they wouldn't have to fork out anything for the wedding!

It wasn't just that she got married in secret. My dad didn't even know she was seeing anyone until her daughter told him that she was on her honeymoon. I don't think they got on particularly well, so he doesn't view it as a loss. I wouldn't know - I've never met her.

pollypenny

onlyroz wrote: »

It wasn't just that she got married in secret. My dad didn't even know she was seeing anyone until her daughter told him that she was on her honeymoon. I don't think they got on particularly well, so he doesn't view it as a loss. I wouldn't know - I've never met her.

I had a similar thing with a friend, who was always included in outings, theatre trips, meals etc whether it was girls or couples.

I was hurt to be told by someone else that she'd married. When she eventually rang to tell me I was curt with her, which I very much regret now. However, I just felt totally used.

ThemeOne

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I seriously cannot see one single person I know - or have ever known - being OK with this.

Most people would think, 'why am *I* one of the ones being phased out of my friend's life?'

Sugar coat it all you like, but telling someone face to face that you don't want them in your life anymore is something NO-ONE would want to do.

And very few people on the receiving end would think (or say) 'hey that's cool, thank you for your honesty.'

This is why with the person who's ghosted me, I'm inclined to let it lie. As anyone would be I'm wondering why he's done it, but also suspect I might not like the answer if we had that discussion, and then things could get said that both sides regret.

uberalles

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I seriously cannot see one single person I know - or have ever known - being OK with this.

Most people would think, 'why am *I* one of the ones being phased out of my friend's life?'

Sugar coat it all you like, but telling someone face to face that you don't want them in your life anymore is something NO-ONE would want to do.

And very few people on the receiving end would think (or say) 'hey that's cool, thank you for your honesty.'

Maybe not. It takes guts.

But I still believe it is not as discourteous as simply just suddenly cutting somebody out, leaving them wondering what on earth they did wrong.

At least do them the decency of your honesty.

FatVonD

Yes, I was ghosted by the mother of one of my son's friends from nursery. She and I became friends and, after she moved a four hour drive away, (not on my account ), we stayed in touch. We would meet up when she came back to stay with family and one time, when I was holiday ing in her area, I did the detour to visit her.

We had arranged for her to come to mine a few weeks previously, something I would need to take the day off work for, and she rang a few days before to check it was still okay. I admitted I'd forgotten but said it was no problem, I would sort the day off, she then said that she had a hospital appointment as she had bowel cancer and was hoping I could look after her son while she went which I said I could.

The day arrived, I took the day off work and she didn't turn up. I tried calling her a few times and eventually texted her and said 'please let me know if you are okay, I'm worried', still no reply.

I tried calling periodically and left an answerphone message. Eventually, when I was about to move house and she would no longer have my home number I called and withheld my number and she answered the phone.

Neither of us mentioned that I had been ghosted, I knew that she was okay and that was that, I didn't bother to send a change of address card and never tried calling again.

1886

OP, this is quite common I believe.

In my experience it's when the friend starts a new relationship. I used to have a friend many years ago who was actually a pretty decent guy but as soon as he got a g/f that's it, he was gone. He would just disappear off the face of the earth.

It was actually a long running joke amongst me and the other lads that when we heard he'd contacted one of us and was coming out for a drink it meant that he must be single again. And do you know what, he was single and then when he got another g/f he was gone again.

I cut my ties with him a long time ago, I don't even have his mobile anymore. I have a friend at the moment who is quite similar too, I have'nt heard from him for easily three months and I have my suspicions that he's probably in a relationship again. I texted him twice before Christmas and he's still yet to reply. I once went a few years without hearing from him then he reappeared. I just accept that it's just the way he is.

For those two or three years when I was'nt in touch with him my life was no worse off for it so I don't let it bother me. No doubt he'll be in touch when he gets dumped

:rotfl:

fierystormcloud

1886 wrote: »

OP, this is quite common I believe.

In my experience it's when the friend starts a new relationship. I used to have a friend many years ago who was actually a pretty decent guy but as soon as he got a g/f that's it, he was gone. He would just disappear off the face of the earth.

It was actually a long running joke amongst me and the other lads that when we heard he'd contacted one of us and was coming out for a drink it meant that he must be single again. And do you know what, he was single and then when he got another g/f he was gone again.

I cut my ties with him a long time ago, I don't even have his mobile anymore. I have a friend at the moment who is quite similar too, I have'nt heard from him for easily three months and I have my suspicions that he's probably in a relationship again. I texted him twice before Christmas and he's still yet to reply. I once went a few years without hearing from him then he reappeared. I just accept that it's just the way he is.

For those two or three years when I was'nt in touch with him my life was no worse off for it so I don't let it bother me. No doubt he'll be in touch when he gets dumped

:rotfl:

That IS annoying.

I have had several 'friends' in the past who did the reverse actually; they would not get in touch or return my calls and messages for 1-2 years, when their life was not going swimmingly, and then they would get in touch when they had a new boyfriend/ car/ flat/ job, to boast about their good fortune. I actually totally cut off a couple of women that did this to me.

They weren't really friends, just old schoolmates and ex colleagues. I let them shun me for 1-2 years a couple of times, then after the 3rd time, when they tried to get in touch, I ignored them. I didn't class this as ghosting though; I was just treating them the way they treated me.

pollypenny wrote: »

I had a similar thing with a friend, who was always included in outings, theatre trips, meals etc whether it was girls or couples.

I was hurt to be told by someone else that she'd married. When she eventually rang to tell me I was curt with her, which I very much regret now. However, I just felt totally used.

I know someone who has a childhood friend who she was friends with through childhood/teens/young adulthood; went on hols a few times, double dated with guys, lived together briefly, worked together several times, families knew each other a little bit. Then her friend got married to a man she met 6 months before, and didn't invite her. Invited all her family, several work colleagues, several neighbours, several friends, but not her. No explanation as to why.

She never spoke to her again. A 25 year friendship down the swannee. She was so upset and disgusted at not being invited to the wedding of her best friend that it finished the friendship. She didn't call or congratulate her or give her a card or gift, and several months later, she moved away and never saw the girl again (who'd snubbed her from her wedding.)

She never found out why and never asked, but 15 years later, still hasn't spoken to her.

Giggidy

A close friend who I grew up with just stopped talking to me one day 20 years ago, and avoided me like the plague whenever I tried to talk to her. Things were pretty awkward because she lived across the road from me, to this day I still don't know why. I was really gutted because I thought we had a really good friendship and had loads of fun together. I kind of wish she just told me whatever it was that made her end things so I could move on, rather than just shafting me with any sort of closure.

I have had to ghost a couple of friends over the years unfortunately, I seem to attract really narcissistic type people. I consider myself a good listener and happy to let you talk about things that may not always be that interesting to me but matters to you. But I never got the same back, whenever I tried to talk about something, it would be as though they just listened to reply about something that happened to them, it would always inevitably end up about them. It has crossed my mind, maybe I'm the narcissistic one, or just really boring :rotfl: Even so friendship is about sharing, so if I got to listen to your boring crap its only fair you listen to mine