Have you ever 'ghosted' a friend? (Or had it done to you by a friend?')

fierystormcloud

I was chatting to a few mates about this, and it seems a few people have been ghosted by a friend, and a few have done it to someone else.

If you have done it to someone else, how did it go? And why did you do it?

And have you had someone ghost you? And do you know why? How did you handle it?

For those who wonder what 'ghosting' is...


"Ghosting is a term that originated in the dating world and refers to one person suddenly and without warning cutting off contact by simply disappearing from the other person's life. They refuse to answer calls or texts, block them on social media, and basically pretend as if the relationship never happened."

Rachel83

How do you handle it? Either by knocking on the door and asking why? Or realising the 'ghoster' is clearly someone who has no backbone to explain why before doing it. I wouldn't dwell on a person who's happy to ghost and clearly not a real friend anyway.

Spendless

Yes, I have. I knew my friend of 30+years was acting cagey and not telling me the truth about something going off in her life.

At the point I discovered her son had been dealing drugs and got involved in some very dodgy dealings and she had paid someone a grand to do over her son's supplier, I decided I wanted no part in her life.

This was 7 years ago. I haven't missed the friendship.

System

Only once to an ex. We'd split up and he continued to text me multiple times a day, or message me. I told him several time i needed space and generally didn't stay friends with exes. He refused to take the *somewhat giant* hint that i no longer wanted to have contact so i just stopped replying, that didn't worked so i blocked him and haven't heard from him since. It was extreme but when you ask someone not to talk to you and they continue against your wishes what can you do?

fierystormcloud

Spendless wrote: »

Yes, I have. I knew my friend of 30+years was acting cagey and not telling me the truth about something going off in her life.

At the point I discovered her son had been dealing drugs and got involved in some very dodgy dealings and she had paid someone a grand to do over her son's supplier, I decided I wanted no part in her life.

This was 7 years ago. I haven't missed the friendship.

Interesting. Don't blame you for ghosting.

The reason I ask if people have done it to anyone, is that I am thinking of doing it to 2 people. One is someone who is actually an acquaintance, but seems to think she is a friend. She keeps bugging me with texts and voicemails asking to meet, and I can't abide her. All she does is moan and whinge continually, and no-one's problems are as big as hers. Luckily she doesn't live near me, but she knows where I live! :eek:

Another one is an ex colleague who is a FB friend, and she is similar; a real soul sucker and an energy drainer, whose problems are worse than anyone else's! I would happily never see these 2 parasites again, but they keep getting in touch with me. So I am thinking of unfriending and blocking on FB, and not returning calls and texts.

Neither one has done anything bad or 'wrong,' I just can't stand them, I have very little in common, and they bore me.

I have been ghosted in the past (a couple of times) and it was a bit hurtful yeah, as I didn't know why, but on reflection, I guess they must have had their reasons. Perhaps they found ME annoying LOL. (This was 15-20 years ago.)

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Only once to an ex. We'd split up and he continued to text me multiple times a day, or message me. I told him several time i needed space and generally didn't stay friends with exes. He refused to take the *somewhat giant* hint that i no longer wanted to have contact so i just stopped replying, that didn't worked so i blocked him and haven't heard from him since. It was extreme but when you ask someone not to talk to you and they continue against your wishes what can you do?

Yeah I would have ghosted him too! :eek:

Soundgirlrocks

I think just let friendships die off naturally and they will get the message, if you can never meet up etc no need to block, (which is making a strong "I don't like you" statement) You can unfollow on fb so you don't see their posts.

Ghosting isn't a particular mature thing to do but I think its more of an issue when you are dating someone and they just vanish, casual acquaintances that you don't have a strong connection too I don't think will suffer any serious hurt but why cause any, just let it die a death naturally

ThemeOne

I've just been ghosted by someone who was quite a good friend, I thought. Unfortunately we sometimes attend the same events, and the last one we both attended it was as though I didn't exist.

I then heard he'd done the same to someone else, although as far as I know they were more casual acquaintances.

In the light of this I'm guessing the person has some issues (don't we all) and although somewhat annoyed about it, am mostly inclined to let it go, though it seems an immature way of dealing with whatever issues he has.

makingplans4nigel

ThemeOne wrote: »

I've just been ghosted by someone who was quite a good friend, I thought. Unfortunately we sometimes attend the same events, and the last one we both attended it was as though I didn't exist.

I then heard he'd done the same to someone else, although as far as I know they were more casual acquaintances.

In the light of this I'm guessing the person has some issues (don't we all) and although somewhat annoyed about it, am mostly inclined to let it go, though it seems an immature way of dealing with whatever issues he has.

Same here, good friend for over 10 years. I had lost regular contact with him in the last 12 months as I had become a daddy, but wished him happy birthday and tried to keep in touch every few months or so.

I know he has suffered from long term depression and has not worked for several years. He's a stay at home dad. I have always reached out to him and I believe I have been sound in any support I've offered but noticed he was becoming more and more distant whenever I did get in touch.

I noticed around Christmas he'd removed me off facebook along with bunch of mutual acquaintances (who were more his friends than mine) and he had not responded to my messages wishing him and family well.

It bothered me, but I figured I had not done anything wrong here...I know he didn't get on so well with my O/H, which could have been another factor...

I don't have many friends, not real ones anyway... except for Ozzy the bender and my Uncle John.

olgadapolga

My DH and children were "ghosted" by his mother. I don't include myself in this as she hated and ignored me to a point of rudeness anyway.

We have no idea why she did this (personally I think it was to do with his siblings) but my DH was - is - very philosophical about it and whilst he initially tried to keep in touch with the woman, it wasn't reciprocated so he left her to it. She's the one who's missed out though as she has chosen not to see her son's beautiful children grow and mature into wonderful people.

pollypenny

Yes. I had a friend, a colleague in fact, who always had a new best friend. When she moved on, the last best friend became a pariah.

She continues to do it.

fierystormcloud

olgadapolga wrote: »

My DH and children were "ghosted" by his mother. I don't include myself in this as she hated and ignored me to a point of rudeness anyway.

We have no idea why she did this (personally I think it was to do with his siblings) but my DH was - is - very philosophical about it and whilst he initially tried to keep in touch with the woman, it wasn't reciprocated so he left her to it. She's the one who's missed out though as she has chosen not to see her son's beautiful children grow and mature into wonderful people.

That's very sad. I think if this woman is a person who could cut off her own son; he is better off without her anyway.

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

I think just let friendships die off naturally and they will get the message, if you can never meet up etc no need to block, (which is making a strong "I don't like you" statement) You can unfollow on fb so you don't see their posts.

Ghosting isn't a particular mature thing to do but I think its more of an issue when you are dating someone and they just vanish, casual acquaintances that you don't have a strong connection too I don't think will suffer any serious hurt but why cause any, just let it die a death naturally

Yeah true.........