Finding Out Who Your Real Friends Are

Squirrel29

I have been friends with someone for about 4 years. For the first couple of years I earned a lot more than I do now. I treated her to concerts, weekends away and nice birthday and xmas presents. However, my salary has dropped albeit for a much more secure job and I have ended up in debt as I didn't bring down my outgoings to match reduced incomings.

I had my LBM at the beginning of August and have had to trim back and have cut how much I go out and stopped buying expensive rounds including the doubles she always insists on. I said I am quite happy to have friends around instead for a glass of wine, just can't be spending £20-£30 a couple of times a week in bars.

I have explained about my situation but in the last month I have barely heard from her, I feel really used and let down. Yet other friends have been great and happy to spend time with me not spending money such as walk around the park and a natter.

Is it worth trying to keep the friendship going, have others lost friends in their debt free quest?

Sola

Drop her - she was happy to use you but doesn't want to know now the cashflow has dried up. Too one-sided to be a proper friendship - concentrate on your other friends.

I've found similar - I was always the one to do dinner parties, but now I've pretty much stopped that (as much from lack of energy as anything else), there are people I haven't heard from in months. I just let it go. It has certainly taught me who my real friends are.

fletch3163

Ask yourself what this friend brought to the table. What is it you like about them? Is it only a social life you share or is there something deeper? If it's just socialising then I wouldn't sweat it. It's completely not worth it.

I didn't exactly lose friends but my "poverty" sort of rubs off on them. They don't want to face my new frugal outlook. I liken it to when I stopped smoking, there was always someone trying to sabotage my efforts.

rog2

True friendship is not dependent on material wealth - it's true that many so-called friends don't want to know you when you don't have much money, but your REAL friends will.

jillie1974

real friends will be happy to see you whether it is once a week or once a month
when we first started it was hard as were used to seeing our friends at least 2/3 times a week now its once a week sometimes once a month but when we do meet up its great we have loads to chat about and prob have a better time!
she may feel awkward though as if now she has the money and you dont. i would prob call her and see if you can sort things out..especially if you were good friends before.

Squirrel29

She honestly doesn't really bring anything to my life. We have fallen out before as she always wanted me to go out with her until she bagged herself a fella, I was dropped like a stone. When he subsequently dumped her a year later she was begging me to be a friend again. I now feel like I am only needed as a drink buying chaperone while she finds a bloke to sponge off.

I am learning that you don't have to be generous just to keep friends, the genuine ones care for you no matter how skint you are.

OberonSH

If you say she doesn't add anythingto your life, then you've answered the question. If she was on worth keeping I would have said maybe she sees it differently - that you not going to the pub with her means you don;t want to spend time with her.

I had a mate who was similar, fine and dandy while he had a girlfriend - I was handy to pour all the relationship troubles to - then when I got friendly with his ex (not the one he was moaning about) then he realised I was going to find out that what he'd been telling me wasn't completely true with regards to how the whole relationship with her ended (she caught him in bed with the current girlfriend)....so I haven't really heard from him in a year or so, despite living int he same town, and him frequenting the hobby shop my OH works at...some people just don;t realise that friends mean 24/7, not as an when it suits them.

yellowmonkey

Squirrel29 wrote: »

I am learning that you don't have to be generous just to keep friends, the genuine ones care for you no matter how skint you are.

You have just answered your own question with that one superb sentence :T

ym

wannabefreee

ouch! i can imagine it hurt...

i think when it comes to all the money ive given out and friends ive looked after i reckon id be in less than half the debt i am in now!

and same as you those people are not around now...

part of our recovery will include some degree of removing people who want to freeload....

bathgatebuyer

It's really difficult at times to have to say no to friends who are out and about spending cash when you're trying to cut back. There will always be 'clashes of interests' and longer term, sometimes you just have to cut your losses. That maybe sounds really harsh, but a real friend would have your longer term interests and future at heart, and not their short term interests.

In some ways, I'm finding money saving and fighting my debts to be quite cleansing in more ways than one!

tealady

A real friend wants to see you and will ensure you are both happy with where you meet and what you do. Parasites you don't need.