Stop me please

Smodlet

"Debt is a symptom; solve the problem". Thus quoth the sage enjoyyourshoes... Just don't buy any, OK?

FinallyDebtfree2017

I appreciate all your help,which mainly practical, has anyone had any experience of tackling the emotional side?

determined_new_ms

set yourself a challenge not to spend ANYTHING for a month. It really does focus your mind and makes all those psychological spends glaringly obvious. I set myself a challenge to not buy anything new for a year. I had a blip over the month of December as I didn't want to buy people 2nd hand gifts - didn't want to impose my lifestyle choices on anyone. But I'm about 1/2 way through the challenge and it has changed the way I look at spending

Chandelier.

Hey..

There are some wonderful tips posted here. Although I've never been a massive impulsive spender I often find sometimes I go on small random sprees and buy things such as makeup etc. I also end up sometimes overpaying towards my debt which leaves things tight for the month but I find it a challenge and seek ways to overcome. It's all about the control for me. Money is the one thing I have total control over and can see where it's being spent.

I guess emotions do play a massive part in some ways. I've been known to get a takeaway when I'm feeling tired and exhausted and somehow justify the spend- this is different from a planned spent though.

I think a lot of it is about identifying the triggers. There are some great guides online and CBT self help exercises which you can do. Alot of people find CBT beneficial as they are able to break down their emotions and feelings and identify the cause.

So for example:- you want to buy a new pair of shoes because you're feeling rubbish and want to cheer yourself up.

Take five minutes and break this down into thoughts, feelings and behaviour and write it down. Why do you feel this way? What are you feeling? How this affects you? What are you going to do? Does this really help the current emotions you are feeling or is it more avoidance? Etc. Write down what has happened before you contemplate your spend. Do this each time you feel the impulse to buy something new. Even if it's just jotting it down in your phone.

It can give you a clearer picture. If your online shopping leave it in the basket/put it back in store and give yourself 24/48 hours to decide whether or not you really want this. Some head space would really help and make you think twice.

Leave all credit cards/debit cards at home. Only carry what money you need for the day. Maybe plan ahead your spends and allocate money for the day/week ahead. When you go to spend your money ask yourself did you plan to buy this? If not then why do you think you need it now- is it really necessary or life changing?

Set yourself small challenges and go from there. The NSD challenge may be a good one for this. I aim for around 12 each month and often go higher. I try to average 3 NSD a week. Some weeks are speedier then others.

Allow yourself room in your budget for personal expenses/treats. Don't be too hard on yourself and cut back so you feel the effect. Allow room for manoeuvre. Set a budget at the beginning of each month, by the end of the month you may or may not have spent it all. If you haven't throw that at any debt you may have. If you have spent it, start afresh the next month. Don't be too harsh.

Also learn to say No. Work out what activities you think you will most enjoy and not do just because you've been asked. Peer pressure can come into effect here. Sometimes I am invited out for meals with others, some I attend and others I politely decline if it's somewhere that I know I'm not going to enjoy. My friends and peers understand. I often look a month ahead and see what I have planned. I try not to do too much because it can be overwhelming. I also have nights in with friends with good food, movies, board games etc. It's surprising how many people enjoy this.

Maybe also have a sort through of things you already have and rediscover things you may have forgotten about. Maybe keep a note of what you already have (I.e. I have enough pairs of shoes).

I know sometimes rewarding yourself makes you feel better. I understand that. However it's about whether it's the right sort of reward or not.

Maybe boredom has a part in this or somethings missing in your life. Maybe you could find a hobby or free activity you may enjoy. Also find ways to distract yourself- reading, watching tele, exercising, talking to friends, text or phone someone, do some colouring etc.

Find an old notebook and when you find yourself wanting to buy something just jot what you're feeling down and then put the book down and revisit later. Try to think before you buy.

I don't know if any of this is of use. But I hope you manage to find a way to stop overspending.

Smodlet

What an absolutely marvellous post, Chandelier.

Chandelier.

Thanks Smodlet .

Ilona

FinallyDebtfree2017 wrote: »

I appreciate all your help,which mainly practical, has anyone had any experience of tackling the emotional side?

Hi. I have no experience of tackling the emotional side of spending, I am fairly strong willed so have never had that problem. However, here is my take on it.

Look at exactly what it is that you are buying. What are the triggers that draw you towards opening your purse, handing over your card, or clicking on an item on a web site? The first thing to decide is, do you need it or do you want it? Overspending usually means that your needs and wants are muddled, you can't see the difference. Try and sort that out in your mind.

Look at what you need to buy to physically survive, for your body to carry on working, and to maintain a healthy lifestyle. To keep a roof over your head, and to provide transport to work. When you have paid for the essentials then you may have enough left over for non essentials.

Another kind of spending is comfort spending. Feeling a bit low can prompt you to crave a treat, something you feel you deserve because you have had a bad time lately. A shiny new this or new that will give you a lift out of the doldrums. But will it? Chances are you will not feel good for long. The problem with short term fixes are that they are only a temporary measure. You need to look beyond that and try and recognize what happened to get you to that point. What triggered the need to treat yourself. Unless you can identify the cause you will always be floundering.

The most common reason for over spending is the need to keep up with everyone else. If you are in a circle of friends who always seem to be flashing their latest purchase, it is natural to want to fit in. This mindset indicates to me that having a group of friends feels a safe place to be. It is hard for someone to go it alone when they have always been part of a group. Saying you can't join in because you can't afford it would be a bit embarrassing for some. Don't be. Saying no sometimes means you are in control.

Look for the patterns which lead you to spending. Are you bored, tired, fed up, do you spend late at night when you should be in bed? Identify the times of day when you are most vulnerable, and be aware that you need to look for other distractions, such as a hobby, or going for a walk.

Do not think that spending money equates power, indeed if you haven't got much money you need to take the power away from your bank/purse, and give it back to yourself. Your money does not rule your life. It is your decision how to spend it.

The practical side of managing money needs to come first before the emotional side. Restricting access to your money, putting it somewhere that you cannot get hold of it. If you cannot be trusted to walk past a shop without going in, leave your purse at home. If you cannot stop yourself from using the card, freeze it in a margarine tub. By the time you have got round to defrosting it, the urge to spend will have passed. Thinking about a big purchase? Wait 48 hours, do you still want to buy it? Chances are you will have gone off the idea. Delay big decisions. Frittering it away on junk you don't need? Do not keep money on your person while out and about.

So that's the practical side. It will be a slow process, you will slip back, but eventually you will start to look differently at spending.

I live by these rules and I have never been in debt. I feel empowered by the fact that no one makes me spend my money. The money I once paid into the system over 45 years of working, and now draw as a pension. It feels good that I am not swayed by advertising, cannot be talked into buying by over zealous sales people, and can walk out of a shop without buying anything. The power I have over my money gives me control over my life. And it is about control.

I wish you well. One step at a time and you will get there.
Best wishes,
Ilona

PS. I see me and Chandelier have posted at the same time, it takes me a while to compose my posts.

Ilona

Just read your post, Chandelier, we could be sisters, ha ha.
Ilona

Chandelier.

Ilona, great post. And it's much more detailed and easier to read. Alot of it is about being strong willed and being determined to save for something rather than stick it on credit.

In relation to my debt- at the time I purchased a car on finance, I had just finished university and needed a different car to suit the needs of my job. My job involves driving around all day and visiting people in their homes. I carry lots of equipment with me and needed storage space for this. This was probably more of an impulse spend as I didn't pay close attention to the interest rates offered- I was only 23 at the time and all that went through my head was getting a new car suitable to my needs. That's one thing I do regret, not looking into better finance options. I never saw PCP deals as a debt as such, I was used to the money just leaving my account.

Later on about a year into this deal, I decided I no longer wanted anymore PCP deals (I had a small LBM and realised it's not me benefiting but the car dealerships/finance company) and took out the low interest loan to pay off my car which I will run until it's on its last legs, meaning I have no balloon payment.

Previous to this I had a small 3 door car on a PCP deal that saw me through university (commuting 40/60 miles a day) and was suitable for me and the boy until he got older and it was more of a struggle getting in and out.

I've been through so many emotions in relation to my car. But I'm happy and satisfied I've finally made the right choices. As I say the only regret was not looking at other options at the time. My head was in the clouds and it's hard to comprehend sometimes with sales people flashing lots of numbers.

My aim is to save for a car and pay upfront in future and not drive a shiny new car off the dealership forecourt and lose money.

culpepper

I used to get down to the library quite a lot in our debt days. The feeling of having a pile of 'new to me' books to plough through was a very good one and they went back at the end of the month and were replaced by another pile ,plus I learned some really handy stuff from the reading of them.
Much better than splashing out on magazines which I know is a problem for some .