A Ditherer's Diary (again)

Naomim

I forgot to mention about my stubborn friend. She said she clicked the link and was refused for 3 cards...which tells me she didn't listen to me. I said check the eligibility link and see if she would be accepted.  Not to apply for three!  It turns out she has an Arrangement to Pay on her overdraft so this is probably what's stopping her getting any 0% deals. I've told her to carry on as she is for now and not apply for anything more for a year.  By that time her overdraft should be clear and the credit cards reduced., especially if she can make some small overpayments. I've told her to set the DD to just over the minimum, even by a couple of £££'s. She's told me she's cut up the credit card she has.   I've given her a talking to about getting her budget sorted, she is single and lives on her own but spends a lot on groceries and silly Amazon spends.  She also has a part time pub job which usually gets her an extra £160 so she shouldn't be so bad off.  

All I can do is listen and try to help.

GeorgianaCavendish

My spice collection is growing too! I wish HF would sell pots of some of their spice mixes (like the Mexican spice mix that goes with the loaded wedges) but I guess they want people to buy the whole box, not a small pack of spice. 

Naomim

I feel really fidgety today and can't settle do doing my work.  It's weird, I'm reading these diaries on here, one in particular that's especially fast paced, the OP is struggling with not spending (aren't we all) but it's almost like it's making me want to go out and spend.  I keep looking at my snowball. My original one had a DFD of July 27 and is now August 25. I know that's a big jump in the right direction, but now I'm just sitting here feeling a bit depressed that it's going to take 5 years to clear this.  In reality I know it should be quicker as all of the CC's are now on 0% and I'm hoping once the first 0% runs out next Aug I'd have cleared £10k off the cards and shouldn't have a problem shuffling to another.  But then again, lots could happen between now and then.  I don't even have anything I particularly want to buy.. just feel the need to buy something.  I should feel quite satisfied as bought DD's birthday presents this week. Maybe that's what's started this up? The fact I have been out to shops and spent money (all budgeted for).   I felt really pleased with myself this morning, checking the bank accounts and taking the money out of the pots to cover the spends out of the account.  Now I just feel deflated again.

LottyWatty

Naomim said:

I feel really fidgety today and can't settle do doing my work.  It's weird, I'm reading these diaries on here, one in particular that's especially fast paced, the OP is struggling with not spending (aren't we all) but it's almost like it's making me want to go out and spend.  I keep looking at my snowball. My original one had a DFD of July 27 and is now August 25. I know that's a big jump in the right direction, but now I'm just sitting here feeling a bit depressed that it's going to take 5 years to clear this.  In reality I know it should be quicker as all of the CC's are now on 0% and I'm hoping once the first 0% runs out next Aug I'd have cleared £10k off the cards and shouldn't have a problem shuffling to another.  But then again, lots could happen between now and then.  I don't even have anything I particularly want to buy.. just feel the need to buy something.  I should feel quite satisfied as bought DD's birthday presents this week. Maybe that's what's started this up? The fact I have been out to shops and spent money (all budgeted for).   I felt really pleased with myself this morning, checking the bank accounts and taking the money out of the pots to cover the spends out of the account.  Now I just feel deflated again.

Hi! New to your diary but sounds like you’re doing great with getting the debt down. I know exactly what you mean here about feeling the ‘need’ to spend - on nothing in particular, and that spending on one thing seems to make you want to spend even more. I’ve been trying the past few months to try to negotiate with myself when that happens by immediately writing next month’s budget and adding a little bit into it - say £10 or £20 - for spending on something for no reason. I usually find that knowing I’m going to have  allowed myself to buy something unnecessary, and it only being a few weeks away, gives me the ‘buzz’ as I think about what I’ll buy, but then by the time next month’s budget kicks in I’m over wanting to spend it anyway so I just then put it towards the debt. Or sometimes do spend it. 

 Might not work for everyone, I just find it helps with that deflated feeling after the buzz of the monthly money Tetris game lol

GeorgianaCavendish

I know exactly what you mean! I don't think I've come across that diary yet but there are some Instagram accounts that can trigger my worst spending impulses. I was quite brutal with myself earlier this year and blocked a lot of accounts because my mental health was taking a battering. It isn't a reflection on the posters as I know they aren't aiming their photos at me, but I know that it will niggle away at me so I'm strict at not looking at the accounts I find troubling. 
Personally, I don't do well with feeling that I'm restricted. I like to feel that I have the freedom to choose, and it just so happens that I'm choosing not to spend. When I felt like my freedom to choose was limited, it would make me want to spend more and more. I guess that if I read about someone else's limitless spending (like seeing IG-ers endless parade of stuff) it would make me feel like my spending was restricted in comparison and that causes me to feel dissatisfied. 

LottyWatty

GeorgianaCavendish said:

I know exactly what you mean! I don't think I've come across that diary yet but there are some Instagram accounts that can trigger my worst spending impulses. I was quite brutal with myself earlier this year and blocked a lot of accounts because my mental health was taking a battering. It isn't a reflection on the posters as I know they aren't aiming their photos at me, but I know that it will niggle away at me so I'm strict at not looking at the accounts I find troubling. 
Personally, I don't do well with feeling that I'm restricted. I like to feel that I have the freedom to choose, and it just so happens that I'm choosing not to spend. When I felt like my freedom to choose was limited, it would make me want to spend more and more. I guess that if I read about someone else's limitless spending (like seeing IG-ers endless parade of stuff) it would make me feel like my spending was restricted in comparison and that causes me to feel dissatisfied. 

Very true what you’ve said about Instagram. And the frustrating part is most of what is on show is so fake - it’s just another person filling their own void in some way, to project a particular image to others, like we all do to some extent - yet even knowing this, it still has such a destructive influence on our mental health. I have to go through phases of social media detox to get away from it. Sometimes just a day or so, or sometimes months on end. 

GeorgianaCavendish

LottyWatty said:

GeorgianaCavendish said:

I know exactly what you mean! I don't think I've come across that diary yet but there are some Instagram accounts that can trigger my worst spending impulses. I was quite brutal with myself earlier this year and blocked a lot of accounts because my mental health was taking a battering. It isn't a reflection on the posters as I know they aren't aiming their photos at me, but I know that it will niggle away at me so I'm strict at not looking at the accounts I find troubling. 
Personally, I don't do well with feeling that I'm restricted. I like to feel that I have the freedom to choose, and it just so happens that I'm choosing not to spend. When I felt like my freedom to choose was limited, it would make me want to spend more and more. I guess that if I read about someone else's limitless spending (like seeing IG-ers endless parade of stuff) it would make me feel like my spending was restricted in comparison and that causes me to feel dissatisfied. 

Very true what you’ve said about Instagram. And the frustrating part is most of what is on show is so fake - it’s just another person filling their own void in some way, to project a particular image to others, like we all do to some extent - yet even knowing this, it still has such a destructive influence on our mental health. I have to go through phases of social media detox to get away from it. Sometimes just a day or so, or sometimes months on end. 

So true, and that's without all the stuff they get for free (or the things they pose next to pretending it belongs to them!) 

Naomim

I think part of it might be this particular diary thread I have to un book mark.   They guy earns really well, is in big debt but still talking about his top of the end range rover.  He is taking a battering but it seems he's banging his head against a brick wall with no success.  

@LottyWatty I think some of the feelings come from constantly looking at my budget! 😂 I just don't have any more squeeze room and need to up some pots if possible.  @GeorgianaCavendish luckily I rarely use IG. Got fed up of seeing people's dinners. I'm more of a twitter person but even that's depressing these days.  But removing yourself from a trigger is a good idea.  I'm definitely going to unfollow the diary.

Thanks for the replies, sometimes I feel like I'm chatting to myself here.  😢

Naomim

GeorgianaCavendish

@Naomim Definitely unfollow then, you can always follow again in the future if you change your mind  
I also find checking my budget and debt spreadsheets too often is another figure, a while ago I wrote a little bit on my diary that debt-repayments had become a kind of substitute spending for me and I was getting obsessed with rounding down every little penny or running different calculations to see how that changed the DFD date. It's another thing I really have to watch because it feels like being sensible and keeping on top of things, but I know it's not good for my mental health. 

LottyWatty

Naomim said:

I think part of it might be this particular diary thread I have to un book mark.   They guy earns really well, is in big debt but still talking about his top of the end range rover.  He is taking a battering but it seems he's banging his head against a brick wall with no success.  

@LottyWatty I think some of the feelings come from constantly looking at my budget! 😂 I just don't have any more squeeze room and need to up some pots if possible.  @GeorgianaCavendish luckily I rarely use IG. Got fed up of seeing people's dinners. I'm more of a twitter person but even that's depressing these days.  But removing yourself from a trigger is a good idea.  I'm definitely going to unfollow the diary.

Thanks for the replies, sometimes I feel like I'm chatting to myself here.  😢

Naomim

Yes - definitely unfollow if it’s having a negative effect on you. 

Ahh I see what you mean - I guess my plan wouldn’t be very good for you at all then. I’m still early on in trying to get rid of my debt and definitely obsessed with budgeting. Watch constant vlogs etc. Probably becoming a substitute for the spending 😕like GeorgianaCavendish said:

@Naomim Definitely unfollow then, you can always follow again in the future if you change your mind  
I also find checking my budget and debt spreadsheets too often is another figure, a while ago I wrote a little bit on my diary that debt-repayments had become a kind of substitute spending for me and I was getting obsessed with rounding down every little penny or running different calculations to see how that changed the DFD date. It's another thing I really have to watch because it feels like being sensible and keeping on top of things, but I know it's not good for my mental health.