Stepson's girlfriend

Knightsuntold

My stepson has been with his girlfriend for just under a year. I've met her twice, in passing, and she seemed nice enough. She came to our family Christmas meal last night, and boy, did I see another side to her.

They were late arriving, which was no big deal, as it was a relaxed occasion. As they sat down, he apologised, and she immediately said that they would have been on time, if he hadn't got lost on the way. He laughed and added 'and if you'd been ready on time', but it was said with a smile and a teasing tone. She hit him. A full-on, proper punch on a shoulder that is still healing from being broken. She hurt him, and I saw him wince. Only a couple of us saw it, as there was a lot of laughter going on at the other end of the table. I didn't say anything, and the meal went ok. She smiled and giggled her way through it. Everything was 'oh, my gosh' this and 'oh, my gosh' that. She didn't exactly clasp her hands together and burst into song, but it wasn't far off.

They were amongst the first to leave, and I don't know why, but I followed them out. Half way across the carpark, she turned and screamed at him, with just about every word beginning with 'F' that you can imagine, and then kicked him. My stepson is 24, a big lad, well over 6' and plays rugby. She is a little tiny, dot of a thing, petite and very pretty. He could squish her with one hand, but he didn't seem to say or do anything. He just took it.

I know that I should keep out of it, but I feel as though I should say, or do something. I hate to see him being treated like this, but he is an adult and has to make his own choices. I don't know what to do.

mellymoo74

Try and get him on his own and just ask him if he's OK.

He needs to decide to leave, if you get too involved your the bad guy so let him know you know and will support him then back off.

pollypenny

Nope, you shouldn't keep out of it. Let him know that you saw that behaviour and that it is not acceptable. Tell him how worried you are or him.

If he is driven to retaliate one day, I bet he'll be in trouble.

elsien

If it was the other way round and a man hitting a woman what would you do? This is no different.

Auntie-Dolly

http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/
This is just as bad a man hitting a woman and you wouldn't let that go unchallenged. If it was my son I would be talking him to him as soon as possible. I didn't raise him to be some womans punchbag.

Knightsuntold

elsien wrote: »

If it was the other way round and a man hitting a woman what would you do? This is no different.

Do you know what, if that had been a man last night, I would have been straight in there - and I know that, because it's happened previously. And yet last night, I didn't feel I could say or do anything. I think that was because he was so accepting of the situation, where as when it was a female friend, she was in trouble, and it showed.

Knightsuntold

Auntie-Dolly wrote: »

http://www.mensadviceline.org.uk/
This is just as bad a man hitting a woman and you wouldn't let that go unchallenged. If it was my son I would be talking him to him as soon as possible. I didn't raise him to be some womans punchbag.

I've sent him a text saying that it was good to see him, and it would be great to catch up properly soon - no reply.

onomatopoeia99

Knightsuntold wrote: »

I think that was because he was so accepting of the situation

I doubt he was at all accepting. He could surely have physcially stopped it, but to do so he would have had to use force to compel a woman to a course of action. Do you know how impossible that would be for most men? I know it would near impossible for me, I was raised to never hit or use force against women.

Blackpool_Saver

Does he have an 'out', an escape, is he independent? Or is he trapped

Proxima_Centauri

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Does he have an 'out', an escape, is he independent? Or is he trapped

Sadly, people often stay with, and even defend, their abusive other-halfs

Blackpool_Saver

Proxima_Centauri wrote: »

Sadly, people often stay with, and even defend, their abusive other-halfs

Yes I know I have had the training and am a survivor myself... but it is easier to leave an abusive situation if you are financially fluid...