So Angry I Could Burst!

taxi97w

KME91 you have a pm:hello:

Fortheloveofmoney

Little_Pickle wrote: »

My OH earns 3 times as much as I do and he is always SO SO SUPPORTIVE of my money worries. He has no debt at all and gets yearly bonuses that he works very very hard for. He ALWAYS spoils me anyway. The trouble here, is me. I am too proud to let him help as it was my fault I got into debt and didn't want him to be paying off my debts for me. He sees us as a team and he's money is our money and visa versa... I could just never bring myself to take money from him that he works SO extremely hard for.

I can totally understand this feeling. I'm in debt (see my sig) and my soon to be husband isn't. I told him about my situation very early on in the relationship and he offered to pay everything off for me. I was gob smacked and really grateful BUT I couldn't and didn't take the money. I told him that I needed to learn my lesson.

As I said we are getting married soon and he considers money to be our money and not mine or his. Due to my debt i have great difficulty with this and have wanted to keep things seperate until the debt is paid in full. At the weekend he got really upset with me because I refered to something as his money and sat me down and told me how hurt he gets when I refuse to see that it's our money. Maybe your other half is the same.

I thought I was only being fair by keeping things seperate, after all I had I accrued the debt before I met him, however when he explained how much it hurts him when I refuse to let him help that I started to view things differently.

Is your refusal to accept his help really worth risking the relationship for? I know for me it isn't so I'm swallowing my pride and have agreed to merge finances. I do think it will take me a while to get used to it though

I think the break away sounds like a fab idea.

Good Luck!

magyar

Don't all employers have to stay within the working time directive which means you *have* to take holiday?

Anyway, I would look at it from the point of view that you're in TODAY. You're a grand better, instantly debt-free and from now on, you know you can take a holiday every year. Look forward, not back.

Little_Pickle

You guys absolutely rock! thank you all so, so much.

I'm now a little bit more composed, but now wondering HOW ON EARTH I am going to break this news to my OH.

Of course, he will be over the moon, but the fall out of me being so mentally tired have led to other issues that we're now working on. It wasn't over money, there are other issues, but me not taking holiday = tiredness = rattyness = falling out over trivial things = OH getting frustrated = more fall outs = etc, etc... see my point?

If only I had been given the right information, then things might have been a lttle different this year! *sniff*

Oh well... I guess the good thing is that I now have a lot of options as to what to do with the money. all I have left of my debt is around about 1000.00 that I owe my folks, but as they have said many times, they only want me to pay this back to them slowly (weekly) so that it doesn't affect my day to day life too much.

First and foremost, as un-MSE as this is, I think a nice weekend away with my OH is the most important thing....

Thanks again, guys.... you always know exactly what to say to make a little pickle feel a LOT better!

LP
xox

shell_girl

I was going to suggest that you use some of the money to take a break as well. It must have been really difficult for you this last year and I really feel for you.

Hopefully you and your OH will be able to put things right.

Best Wishes xx

warburtonrichard

I'm on the other side of the divide on this one, in that I'm the main earner of OH and I. We both have our own debts and are paying them off together, but he gets frustrated as I pay more of the bills - things aren't 50-50.
The fact is that we couldn't live where we live if things were 50-50, and he would spend all of his time miserable with nothing, and my debts would be paid off in much less time.

The fact is, you're a team, you do affect each other and I'm so pleased to hear you can get what's yours.

Maybe you should take the opportunity to take a week off, chill yourself out, sort your head out a bit if you can, and work on getting yourselves back together as a team. - Will this give you some time to sort out your "few other issues"?

(Land_of)_Maz

and the other great thing is that from here on in, you will get regular holidays! so the tired-ness/rattyness should be less of a problem. And you will be financially under a lot less pressure if you lose some more debt!

Maybe if you can treat your OH to the night away somewhere nice, then pay off your debt to your oldies. you and OH can go on a more even keel financially. Move back in and share the bills a bit more? Restart your relationship afresh? After all you won't have any debt-baggage now to feel bad about?

Frustrating as this whole year has been, and no matter how incompetent your employers have been, you are in a great position now doll!!

All the best!

Little_Pickle

awwww.... thanks guys!

Shineyhappy

So...... what did he say?

Little_Pickle

pffftt... like I said, we're living apart at the moment. We're seeing each other tomorrow night for dinner and I figure I'll tell him then. quite nervous really.
it's been a tough old year! *lets out a big sigh*
xox