I Left You and Now I'm In A Mess

Kitten868

Could selling one of the cars clear a credit card? That would feel Good? Or pay the final bill for the house? I think there's loads of bits you can claim back and cut back on to make big dents in your debt with very quickly. You can definitely get a hold on this quick. Good luck. Get your head around it all and what you're going to do then you can feel confident telling him all of it xxx

hign10pines

You live at your in-laws but pay rent + mortgage + household bills. Am I missing something?

EssexHebridean

hign10pines wrote: »

You live at your in-laws but pay rent + mortgage + household bills. Am I missing something?

Yes. You're missing having read the initial post, that actually explains the OP's circumstances...

FBaby

I would suggest you keep a spending diary as if this is all been built up through just living you have a problem living according to your means.

I think this is the key to managing you finances. Was all the debt accrued since your OH was made redundant? What has it been spent on since it looks like you are currently living within your means (debt excluded).

Have you left anything out your SOA? For instance, you say your kids do activities over the week-end, but you haven't put anything under additional children costs. What about kit for these activities, school trips, presents when invited to birthday parties etc... I was horrified when I decided once to count how much I had been spending on the children over a 2 months period. That's because most was £20 or under, so didn't seem much, but when counted all, I was quite surprised.

enthusiasticsaver

FBaby wrote: »

I think this is the key to managing you finances. Was all the debt accrued since your OH was made redundant? What has it been spent on since it looks like you are currently living within your means (debt excluded).

Have you left anything out your SOA? For instance, you say your kids do activities over the week-end, but you haven't put anything under additional children costs. What about kit for these activities, school trips, presents when invited to birthday parties etc... I was horrified when I decided once to count how much I had been spending on the children over a 2 months period. That's because most was £20 or under, so didn't seem much, but when counted all, I was quite surprised.

F baby makes a good point. Your soa makes no mention of your sons football fees which are coming out of your DHs spending money which is also not mentioned on your soa. Things like coffees out and sandwiches for lunch really add up over the month. There must be other child related costs too re activities, clubs, school trips etc. All of this should be budgeted for.

Spendless

Re- the 2nd car. Is it not possible for one of you to drop the other off at your ILs/the train station and do the same at pick up time? How far away it it between there and your house?

Naomim

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I would suggest you keep a spending diary as if this is all been built up through just living you have a problem living according to your means.

Also £150 spending money each is quite a lot with that level of debt.

You can get yourself out of this situation but it will take a lot of financial discipline and I would start by getting a clean bank account (no overdraft) and cutting the credit cards up except for one. That way you can see you are living within your means and the debt is not rising. Also start an emergency fund to pay for things like house and car repairs so you are not tempted to go to a credit card.

I am a bit !!! at your husband having to pay the referee from his own money when he is coaching kids teams. Can't this be covered from memberships?

I've downloaded an app on my phone so I can keep a complete eye one it. The £150 will certainly be reduced down but I need to slow it in increments for Mr.M
I did have an emergency fund until last month. I was putting £360 a month away into a savings account to cover car repairs, presents, insurance etc but because of the overdraft I stopped it. I'll start it again as soon as I can.

The club membership is a pain and I was !!! too. I think the children's membership is £250 so Dh pays £100 up front and then he pays the referee every other week. At the end of the season we either owe the club money or they owe us. It's annoying.

Naomim

FBaby wrote: »

I think this is the key to managing you finances. Was all the debt accrued since your OH was made redundant? What has it been spent on since it looks like you are currently living within your means (debt excluded).

Have you left anything out your SOA? For instance, you say your kids do activities over the week-end, but you haven't put anything under additional children costs. What about kit for these activities, school trips, presents when invited to birthday parties etc... I was horrified when I decided once to count how much I had been spending on the children over a 2 months period. That's because most was £20 or under, so didn't seem much, but when counted all, I was quite surprised.

Parties have certainly slowed down and I try to only spend around £5 on class friends gifts.
DS's football kit is covered by the membership. We pay £35 for DD's football membership a year and £20 a month on swimming lessons. DS is also going on a school ski-ing trip which is £900 although I have a year to pay this. The Child Benefit goes into a different account so I try to make sure it is only used on the kids stuff.. days out, clothes, uniforms etc.

Most of the debt was accrued when he was redundant and since. He was depressed and life was miserable for all of us. The thought of dealing with finances just knocked me for six when I was trying to shoulder the burden of everything else and it's spiralled from there.

Naomim

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Overdrafts are expensive. They may try and sell you a packaged account with lower overdraft rates as many seem to be plugging these. Generally I think they are poor value but if the £45 you quote on the overdraft is interest then you are being charged 18% on £3k. Are you close to the limit?

Yes we are close to the limit. I think I need to make an appointment and speak with them about this. I don't want to change accounts at the moment as obviously that would highlight to MrM something is amiss which until I have a plan I don't want to do.

Naomim

Spendless wrote: »

Re- the 2nd car. Is it not possible for one of you to drop the other off at your ILs/the train station and do the same at pick up time? How far away it it between there and your house?

We possibly could do this, it's about 40 minute round drive. My issue is in the evenings, DH will be getting back to the train station just as I'm either in the middle of cooking the evening meal, (we all eat together at the dining table as I feel it's important), or when DD is getting ready for bed (if he's late). I can leave DS at home for a bit as he's 11 but DD is 7 and I'd have to bundle her back out in the cold and dark. It's not ideal.

The car's aren't worth very much, probably only about £1k - £1.5 each tops. I have some health problems so I have to have an automatic car which means it would be DH's we'd sell which is older and full of dinks and scratches.