How do you cope?

FinallyDebtfree2017

On your debt free journey???

I'm really really struggling to keep going and motivated.

I seem to be more negative at the start of the month, when I have just been paid...

I have been sticking to minimum spends all of sept & oct, (w some hicups, but nothing like I used...) and put over £5k into debt repayments, but I feel down by the thought of having to do this for another 12mths....

I'm thinking I may have a more serious issue if I cannot do this and finding it so hard OR is it much harder at the start?

I'm interested to find out how do you cope not spending money on yourself? How do you keep motivated? I'm worried I may lapse and never get out of debt, but would that be so bad?

Any advice gratefully accepted

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safestored4

I would start by asking myself why I felt I needed to keep spending money on myself. Then to obtain a different perspective I would go over to the Old Style Moneysaving thread further down where in general the posters seem to have an entirely different outlook on life.

enthusiasticsaver

I think you need to look at why you need to spend money on yourself to feel good and work on that. Find things to do which do not cost money and when you are debt free you will have spare money then to do what you wish for within your budget.

I think never getting out of debt would be a miserable existence so even though it is painful while you are paying it off it will be so worth it in the end. Do you budget a small amount for treats each month? Allowing yourself nothing is probably not a good idea as it will make the journey harder.

determined_new_ms

Ive been on the dfw/frugal journey for a while. Originally df in October 2010 then borrowed 5k from in laws to help with buying a house. Then our lives changed drastically and so did our lifestyle. I have changed a lot in that time. I've really embraced a different lifestyle now, one that I am much happier living. I don't see buying myself "things" as leisure time nor does buying thing make me "happy". I've work out some of the things that make me happy, make me tick and add up to the person I am. Now going shopping is a chore. Going into shops is often a hellish experience and shopping online is a bore. I agree that working on your mindset about what buying things represents to you will bring you much more happiness long term.

In the mean time there are lots of tricks and tips to help. Someone I know allows them self a small allowance when the urge to splurge strikes, but she limits herself to say £5. You can set yourself small challenges. One year we decided to go on a frugal fast and not spend any non essential cash on anything for a month. But we didn't want to get a serious case of cabin fever so we decided to go to 5 museums in that time in a hour distance away. We took up hiking, challenged ourselves to raise money for a festival by selling things on eBay. Looked for free gigs in the area for little unknown bands. There's loads ideas on various boards on here and elsewhere online. Stick with it and you'll get there and work it out

tori.k

Mine's the middle of the month between paydays that's when I get impatient, once your SOA is balanced and payments are all set you become pretty much a passenger until your debt free, and it's so boring. i've found the only way to keep me sane is to focus on smaller challenges. I joined the pay a debt in 100 days and set myself the task of wringing a little extra pennies out of my budget, I put a list of odd free jobs around the house that needed doing, decluttered and cleaned. I take myself out of the house for walks anything that keeps me busy and doesn't cost. it's short time pain for long term gain. when I want to buy something I now look at the true cost of it, that take out coffee = 20 mins of working life when your in a min wage job, anything I buy has to be worth the hours of my life.

Woodster76

Maybe you need to shift your goal back another 6 - 12 months. You need to live life but whilst you are tackling your debt you need to do everything in moderation. Think back as to how you got yourself into debt in the first place. There are many people who have debts yet won't acknowledge it and keep spending. Do you know if any of your friends have debts. Do your family know you have debts? My parents know about my car loan but not about the 7k debt from c/c and loans. We don't talk about it. The only place I do talk about it is on the forums here.

My motivation to tackle my debt - I'm annoyed with myself for getting into debt, hate paying interest and that the banks are making money out of me. Yeah it means whilst I'm working two jobs I'm tired and don't have much of a life atm. But my main aim is to get rid of this debt and then get myself a mortgage debt which I want. I'm paying rent - again it annoys me as I'm lining someone else's pockets every month. I know if I don't sort it out now then I'll probably be in more debt this time next year with nothing to show for it.

It is hard going. But you will get there whether it will be in a year or two. What you're doing now isn't probably working for you. Maybe you need to tweek it a little.

lambda

Yeah, it's really hard.

What helped me was to break it up into lots of smaller goals that were much more manageable. So, rather than thinking to myself, I need to pay off £14k of debt, I'd break it down. Pay off CC1 by March, CC2 by July, CC3 by December. Then for each CC, I'd set up small goals: get balanced down to 3k by January, 2k by Feb, etc.

What also helped me was to go onto youtube and watch videos by people like Dave Ramsey. I think being constantly reminded of my situation was a good catalyst to get myself out of it.

If you are really struggling, then I think you should perhaps look to may be slacken your budget a bit. There's no point being completely miserable - having no money whatsoever to spend on yourself is unrealistic.

Just remember it is not going to go away overnight.

BettyBones

Yeah, it really is hard going! But stick with it and you'll get there. There's lots of ways to keep yourself motivated. As the others have said... you just need to try and find a strategy that works for you. Like finding things to do that don't cost money, budgeting a small amount for treats or breaking it down into smaller chunks. Try several strategies until you drop on one you can live with. I've found that putting money aside each month for a holiday whilst at the same time clearing my debts has been a great motivator. I only put £50 a month aside but the holiday pot is already up to £1,150. And I try not to focus too much on my debt free date. I've worked out that I won't be debt free until May next year but I'm not going to dwell on it or wish my life away waiting for it. Each pay day I sit down with a cup of coffee and set my budget for the month and then I just focus on sticking to the budget week by week. At the end of the month I do a quick summary to see where I'm at and make sure I'm on track, get the next month's budget set, then just crack on with living It's a different kind of living than I'd be doing if I were debt free for sure but I'm not living on rice and beans or anything (thankfully!) and I'm still managing to enjoy myself. I just find ways to enjoy myself with less money. Good Luck.... you can do it! Once you get into the swing of it time will pass without your thinking about it and before you know it you'll be debt free, posting on that Debt Free Roll of Honour and sailing off into the sunset x

FinallyDebtfree2017

Thank you sooooo much everyone for your replies.

Super encouraging, I will let all of your replies sink in properly and apply.

Thank you, this forum is keeping me sane x

Woodster76

Been interesting reading all the responses. All very helpful. Everyone with different ways of dealing with their debt.

Have a think for a few days see which way you want to try and tackle your debt. We're all going through the same thing and aiming to be debt free.

Sanctioned_Parts_List

Actually, I don't cope - I don't have the mental fortitude to stare debt in the face every day and fight to conquer it. A payment a day would depress me. Being deliberately frugal would feel like a hardship. I used to think a mantra was a type of fish, so the checkout mantra idea had no plaice.

At first we tried to brave it out, by turning it into a game - writing joke phrases on cards, and a fictional postcard from Barclaycard - which worked for... a month or two, before its impact was lost. Eventually just staring at debt started to eat at my sole, so we had to find another way!

Taking the diet analogy, a serial dieter focuses exclusively on the food itself - there's always a "plan" and a "target" and a vaguely held intention to "be good" after the magic "target" is achieved. In the land of the DFW, we have a "budget" and a "debt-free date", and a vaguely held intention to "be good" later. The failure and relapse rate is less than for dieters, but still there.

We decided to try a trick. Let's not focus on the problem, but focus instead on the goal.

What if we were already debt free?

What sort of life did we want to lead 3, 5, 10 years later when it was all paid back? (Looks like 5 will be the magic number).

Obviously, we would want to live well within our means, so assuming I don't get fired, and assuming that income and expenses remain roughly in proportion, then let's start living that lifestyle now. As a lifestyle choice, not a DFW choice. We started at the end and worked backwards. Luckily we caught the problem early enough to have some flexibility over repayment rates.

All of which means I don't have to cope with my DFW journey, because I'm already living the DF life - the actual numbers are interesting, but incidental.

It's brill! Quit carping about the fish jokes