Leaving speech for colleagues

aj9648

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

When a colleague left work, a manager read from a script they got from the internet (which you can personalise with the person's name) (which they handed out). When you first read it it is so sincere, about how good they have been but the last line says you only need to read every other line which gives it a very different meaning, it was very funny. I've tried finding it but can't but I'm sure someone else will here.

Yeah I tried searching for something funny but couldn't find anything - if you can get something please let me know

robatwork

Rowan Atkinson nailed it:

"As I was leaving this morning, I said to myself, 'The last thing you must do is forget your speech.' And, sure enough, as I left the house this morning, the last thing I did was to forget my speech.”

YouAsked

Generally speaking...caveat about workplace cultures and individual personalities...but keep it light with a sincere, complimentary bit* and end with a laugh - doesn't have to be anything stomach achingly funny, just enough to raise a polite titter - "well, we'll have to make sure we put a battery in the clock now otherwise how will be know it's 12.00 without Tom doing his dash to the sandwich shop?"

*Always easier when the colleague IS nice/well respected otherwise you may find yourself creatively using phrases like "unique solutions", "non-conformist approach to timekeeping" etc...

TBagpuss

I'd keep it very short (time yourself beforehand - 3-5 minutes is plenty)

Check with HR and do a short summary (e.g. started as tea boy here for over 30 years) If you know of other mployees who have been there a simialr length of time then ask them about any big changes - I recall when wwe had a long standing staff member reture the boss included a couple of comment s about what the business was like when she started - e.g. everyone know by their title and surname, not first names, remember the excitement when the first word-processor came in etc).

Don't try too hard to be funny, and steer clear of any embarassing anecdotes unless you know him well and are 100% certain he will be amused.

End up by thanking him for his slong service and wishing him well in the future.

It's also useful to structure things so it is very obvious when you've finished! We normally go out for lunch when someone is returing so a speech can be ended with a 'raise your glass to' but if it's just in the office
then shaking his hand, or handing over the carriage clock or wheatever he is being given also works.

Malthusian

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

When a colleague left work, a manager read from a script they got from the internet (which you can personalise with the person's name) (which they handed out). When you first read it it is so sincere, about how good they have been but the last line says you only need to read every other line which gives it a very different meaning, it was very funny. I've tried finding it but can't but I'm sure someone else will here.

Here's an example of this joke. Needless to say I wouldn't suggest this, firstly because the target might not take it well, and secondly because you have to hand everyone a printed copy for them to be able to see the "every other line" version, which is really quite lame. It doesn't work as a spoken speech.

I would not suggest anything along these lines. The guy's been working there for 30 years and he's only going to get one retirement speech. Do you really want to run the risk of him being offended that you decided to play at stand up comedian instead of thanking him for his long service?

Personally, I would go for:

- Brief word of introduction - make it clear that the speech is not going to be a long one - insert joke about everyone else wanting to get to the bar / home
- Summary of his career with the company: as someone said jokes about old technology are always good for an inoffensive laugh. Try finding some colleagues who've known him a long time and get some anecdotes. Mention any particularly impressive achievements.
- As you reach the latter stage of his career you can segue into your personal experience of working with him. Say you've always admired his dedication / good-humour / willingness to help clueless new staff like you. Thank him on behalf of the company for everything he has done, wish him all the best, hand over gold watch and shut up. Bear in mind that he might want to say a few words so err on the side of your speech being too short.

But alternatively, if you can't think of anything to say or aren't confident at writing speeches, then don't download stuff off the Internet. It might get a laugh or it might fall totally flat and ruin the moment. Just go with the obvious - thank you for your long service, we wish you all the best, then give him the floor.

HiToAll

sangie595 wrote: »

Avoid absolutely anything that will offend, and unless you are great at telling jokes, don't go for humour - it usually offends someone!

Also, make sure you get some revealing pictures of the person leaving in the stationery cupboard and plaster them around the room. People love that.