Help? At my wits end

hec2308

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

Surely OP the best thing would be to find a new job and start afresh?

Whatever you do there is no quick answer to your issues and for everyones health moving on is probably more productive

This is what I am trying to do now, the struggle I am facing is being allowed out of the office to get to interviews. I was quite shocked at how my need for a doctors appointment last week was scrutinised to the Nth degree and how I was made to feel about it in front of the entire team. Especially as they seem to accept on one level that I will be leaving the company at some point and have been advertising my position for nearly a week now.

It seems to have been taken very personally and their approach towards me now is very much "you are dead to us but we won't let you go without making it difficult". Just very stressful.

Smodlet

I agree with those who said your intention to resign was not made clear, also with those who say no-one promised this individual would never set foot in the building again. With no idea of the size of your office, it is difficult to advise but can you not arrange to be in another room/on another floor/absent when this client visits?

OP, I wish you the very best and hope one day this creep gets exactly what he deserves. If this type of situation ever happens to you again, what is wrong with yelling, at the top of your voice, something along the lines of, "What did you just say to me? Say that again so everyone in the room can hear, otherwise I'm calling my boyfriend right now. He'll be waiting outside for me to point you out to him. Did I mention he's six foot six and a body builder?"

No-one should have to put up with bullying in the workplace; it is more than bad enough in schools. By the time we leave, we should have evolved beyond such revolting behaviour but the world is what it is. Why on earth should you have to feel as if you cannot call out for help in a situation in which you feel physically threatened? Presumably you would if it happened in the street, in a pub/restaurant/club/your own home? Why is the workplace a sanctuary for sexual predators? It's the 21st century, !!!!!!! These days, we have the technology to record this stuff... Can you imagine what it was like for your parents/grandparents' generations?

Good luck, and good health. I hope all works out well for you.

lincroft1710

Refusing promotion without a perceived good reason is often not looked upon favourably by management. They may think you no longer want to work there and when that happens they can lose interest in you rapidly.

hec2308

Smodlet wrote: »

OP, I wish you the very best and hope one day this creep gets exactly what he deserves. However, if this type of situation ever happens to you again, what is wrong with yelling, at the top of your voice, something along the lines of, "What did you just say to me? Say that again so everyone in the room can hear, otherwise I'm calling my boyfriend right now. He'll be waiting outside for me to point you out to him. Did I mention he's six foot six and a body builder?"

:rotfl:

I've definitely learnt a lot from this situation. Hopefully I'll never find myself in this position again, but I know what I would do differently. I was more concerned about the company than myself and I should have been honest at the time about how I felt. It's a shame that it is a situation that neither myself nor the company created but has caused a lasting impact which has ultimately lead to me feeling my position here is untenable after 2 and a half years of hard work. It's a shame, but it's ok.

hec2308

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Refusing promotion without a perceived good reason is often not looked upon favourably by management. They may think you no longer want to work there and when that happens they can lose interest in you rapidly.

Yes that is what has happened. I was caught off guard and not expecting that conversation. Lying/fabricating/coming up with a quick excuse (whatever you want to call it) does not come naturally to me at all. In retrospect I would have changed a million things, but I definitely would not be happy taking extra money and responsibility knowing that I may leave soon.

Smodlet

Learn to play poker... and look out for you!

ETA: For points, obviously!

Andypandyboy

Op I think the suggestion to put all of your understanding of the situation relating to the unwanted sexual encounter in writing is the best way forward. If they are reneging on this now it puts you in an untenable position and could be viewed as constructive dismissal. At the time of the incident you could have pushed the matter further but for the sake of the business you made concessions. It is up to them to uphold their end of the bargain. It is not so much that you have not got over it rather that they have now decided x time was enough. That is not how it works or we wouldn't have the likes of Operation Yewtree. Make that clear to them.

Re the promotion, again do as a previour poster has suggested and put in writig that you were pleased by the offer but would rather remain in your current role. Then look for another job.

Re the breast issue, when you get the results of the tests ( negative I hope) take the letter into your boss....

Good luck

hec2308

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Op I think the suggestion to put all of your understanding of the situation relating to the unwanted sexual encounter in writing is the best way forward. If they are reneging on this now it puts you in an untenable position and could be viewed as constructive dismissal. At the time of the incident you could have pushed the matter further but for the sake of the business you made concessions. It is up to them to uphold their end of the bargain. It is not so much that you have not got over it rather that they have now decided x time was enough. That is not how it works or we wouldn't have the likes of Operation Yewtree. Make that clear to them.

Re the promotion, again do as a previour poster has suggested and put in writig that you were pleased by the offer but would rather remain in your current role. Then look for another job.

Re the breast issue, when you get the results of the tests ( negative I hope) take the letter into your boss....

Good luck

Thank you very much. I will do as you and others have suggested re putting the two matters in writing.

My doctor is as certain as she can be that there is no issue with regards to the lump (as I thought), but I will still have a hospital appointment to go to at some point in the next couple of weeks. Apparently this takes about 3 hours on average which I have warned my manager about, and I'm not entirely convinced that they will let me go.

I have shown them that I made calls to my doctors surgery on my phone, I couldn't think what else to do to prove that I wasn't lying. Hopefully when the hospital appointment comes it won't be an issue.

ThemeOne

This is a complicated situation, but the main thing that occurs to me was that you were probably naive in believing the company's assurances that you and this client would be kept out of each other's way indefinitely - in fact I think it's remarkable it's been achieved for 2.5 years.

I don't blame you for believing it though, it was what you wanted to hear, and people can be very convincing even when they know they can't really keep their promises. They probably just hoped they could make good on it long enough to keep you happy.

Your situation now seems to be they are advertising your job, despite you not having resigned, been fired, or agreed to move to another role. I think you need some clarification from HR over exactly what's happening here.

But before you speak to HR be very clear about what you want to happen. You've said you don't want your colleague's job, but do you want to stay in your current role, move to another role in the company, or leave? I can't help thinking if it was me, I might decide it was time to go, but then again only you will have all the relevant facts.

hec2308

ThemeOne wrote: »

This is a complicated situation, but the main thing that occurs to me was that you were probably naive in believing the company's assurances that you and this client would be kept out of each other's way indefinitely - in fact I think it's remarkable it's been achieved for 2.5 years.

I don't blame you for believing it though, it was what you wanted to hear, and people can be very convincing even when they know they can't really keep their promises. They probably just hoped they could make good on it long enough to keep you happy.

Your situation now seems to be they are advertising your job, despite you not having resigned, been fired, or agreed to move to another role. I think you need some clarification from HR over exactly what's happening here.

But before you speak to HR be very clear about what you want to happen. You've said you don't want your colleague's job, but do you want to stay in your current role, move to another role in the company, or leave? I can't help thinking if it was me, I might decide it was time to go, but then again only you will have all the relevant facts.

I think it is time for me to go. I think I would like a fresh start away from this client stuff, there are also some other issues that I have briefly touched on in previous posts that have contributed to a feeling of not really being comfortable with staying for much longer.