Thought Hubbie was in the same place as me....obviously not :(

skea56

Feeling very depressed this morning.

Was going through husband's statements last night to get them ready for the accountant and the latest one shows £75 of bank charges for paid transactions and unauthorised overdraft fees. This has knocked me for six - he always manages to incur charges most months, but usually never more than £25-30.

I thought we had this sorted - last year we both kept our heads down and managed to save enough to pretty much pay off our wedding in advance, and only used credit cards for deposits etc and the honeymoon.

This has really set me back. We are having at baby in the new year and so I will have to take time off, but am now seriously considering going back early to get my full wage - if he cant look after his own finances at the minute when two wages are coming in, how is he supposed to look after me and baby too for 6 months when there'll be less??!!

Another thing is we are starting to build a house next year also - I can't see this happening without further heated discussions. He will bend over backwards to make sure local suppliers are paid immediately - even before an invoice is produced in some cases, but doesnt give his credit card the same privilege. This was another issue - went looking for a missing bank statement only to find it and 2 credit card statements stuffed in a cupboard - one of which had missed the payment date so there's another £12 wasted.

And yet I seem to bust my gut ensuring my own CC is paid off every month (its on 0% to Jan so i pay off what I spend plus extra to cover a small ongoing balance) often going without to make sure I have the money. I mean I need new clothes to cover my growing bump but have recently declined a wedding invite as I couldnt justify spending money on a dress I might only get 1 or 2 wears out of....and it was only £45 in the sale.

How can I possibly get through to him???!!!

a very low sk56

Muttipops

You can get through to him by being honest with him and telling him exactly how you feel and the effect he is having on what should be a happy time. I can understand that not attending a wedding for the sake of a £45 dress when he wastes £75 on fees is a bummer! (That £45 dress could have been resold on ebay though and realised most of the money, so consider that for future purchases of the pregnancy kind. )

Why are the CC's etc not automatically paid each month, thereby avoiding the fees?

I assume your husband is self employed. It would be interesting to total his spending on late payment fees for the year and present it to him as a whole figure, which usually has more of a shock value.


Spending time with your baby and not feeling pressured to get back to work because of your husbands inability to deal with the finances is surely another thing to speak to him about. Would he really want you to feel pressured and your baby in nursery much earlier than you had planned, because of cc fees?


As to the house build, this again is something to talk to him about and the inadvisability of paying suppliers before the invoice or earlier than required. He needs a budget, carefully planned for this project and I know you will have a new baby, but presumably this is a joint adventure and you would seem to be better than him at the finances, so why not offer to take over that part of the project, the paying the suppliers?
I hope he is not overspending or mixing up employment spending with personal spending . I am assuming you can meet your current outgoings.
I think the main message is talk to him about it all, and share your worries and offer help and support, making both of you included in things, not a matter of he's an idiot and you need to tell him off, but I can't imagine you would do that. I know it's tempting at times to do so, but doesn't really help. Maybe refer to the times last year when he was onboard and remind him how well that worked and point out the wiseness of operating like that again.
A bit of a spew of advice there from me and I hope at least some of it useful, but only you know your man and what might work with him and what is a no no.

enthusiasticsaver

I can understand how miffed you are and that is the type of thing my OH would do and has done in the past, hence I look after the finances. You definitely need to speak to him preferably with £75 cash in your hand to drum in how much he has wasted. Funny how seeing hard cash can bring it home to people when spending on unnecessary things and a late bill payment is an unnecessary expense.

If I were you I would take over the finances too and set up a direct debit to take minimum payment at least on credit cards so no danger of missing deadline date. Presumably he is self employed? You also need to talk to him and make sure you are both on the same page regarding your money. It is only going to get worse if you are having a baby so best get this sorted now.

skea56

Muttipops wrote: »

Why are the CC's etc not automatically paid each month, thereby avoiding the fees? - Cannot get this into his head, mine is set up for minimum payment, plus I make additional payments throughout the month. He is always leaving it to the last minute, and inevitably misses the payment date usually only by a day or so.

I assume your husband is self employed. It would be interesting to total his spending on late payment fees for the year and present it to him as a whole figure, which usually has more of a shock value. - This is a good idea - though I think it would push me further into depression today. I might leave it a day or two to I calm down a bit and then try it, thanks


Spending time with your baby and not feeling pressured to get back to work because of your husbands inability to deal with the finances is surely another thing to speak to him about. Would he really want you to feel pressured and your baby in nursery much earlier than you had planned, because of cc fees?
As to the house build, this again is something to talk to him about and the inadvisability of paying suppliers before the invoice or earlier than required. He needs a budget, carefully planned for this project and I know you will have a new baby, but presumably this is a joint adventure and you would seem to be better than him at the finances, so why not offer to take over that part of the project, the paying the suppliers?


I hope he is not overspending or mixing up employment spending with personal spending . I am assuming you can meet your current outgoings. This is actually one of the few things he has adhered to that I suggested - he has two separate accounts for business and personal, with all income going straight into the business account. However he will then draw it out for stupid stuff, like new car seat covers or mats for the van, and clothes - oh dear god he is constantly buying new clothes!! Thus putting the business account into the overdraft and incurring large fees because of it.


I think the main message is talk to him about it all, and share your worries and offer help and support, making both of you included in things, not a matter of he's an idiot and you need to tell him off, but I can't imagine you would do that. I know it's tempting at times to do so, but doesn't really help. Maybe refer to the times last year when he was onboard and remind him how well that worked and point out the wiseness of operating like that again.

This bit in bold is hard - I don't want to be that nagging wife but I feel as if im going round in circles as over the years we've had this discussion before - and when I say "discussion" i mean, I get upset at the total disregard for money and its waste and he apologises and says he will try harder next time and then its ok for a month or two and then the cycle starts again.

A bit of a spew of advice there from me and I hope at least some of it useful, but only you know your man and what might work with him and what is a no no.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply

sk56