CSA law not fair for dads that share

wonderdebt

Hi,

I was contacted by the CSA this morning - my ex has instigated a private claim after years of us having a private agreement.

I have my son around 14 nights a month - thats pretty close to half his life. I pay for food, clothes, trips out, holidays, private health care, school dinners and all the costs associated with running a 2 bedroom house so that has always had his own room at my home. I have also always paid my share of child care. I always say to my ex, if you buy anything, keep the receipt and I will pay my share. We both have shared responsibility for our son, and I have never shirked that.

What I don't understand is why the CSA can still ask me for money, even if I were to have my son more nights a week than my ex. It's all based on whoever is in receipt of the weekly child benefit - which is mad.

My ex first told me she was being forced into going to the CSA because she is in receipt of housing benefit - this morning I found out she has been lying and that it has been her choice to start a private claim.

What can I do to fight this?

ben500

wonderdebt wrote: »

Hi,

I was contacted by the CSA this morning - my ex has instigated a private claim after years of us having a private agreement.

I have my son around 14 nights a month - thats pretty close to half his life. I pay for food, clothes, trips out, holidays, private health care, school dinners and all the costs associated with running a 2 bedroom house so that has always had his own room at my home. I have also always paid my share of child care. I always say to my ex, if you buy anything, keep the receipt and I will pay my share. We both have shared responsibility for our son, and I have never shirked that.

What I don't understand is why the CSA can still ask me for money, even if I were to have my son more nights a week than my ex. It's all based on whoever is in receipt of the weekly child benefit - which is mad.

My ex first told me she was being forced into going to the CSA because she is in receipt of housing benefit - this morning I found out she has been lying and that it has been her choice to start a private claim.

What can I do to fight this?

Unfortunately very little, you can appeal against their calculations but that will mean you will need to set aside the amount in anticipation of a rejection.
It's time to reconsider how reasonable it is for her to accept/instigate csa payment AND expect you to contribute to daily out-goings and expenses. I would imagine she will be considerably out of pocket if things are as you state and you now decide to accept the level of payment set as the ONLY contribution you make to the childs upkeep outside of your home. Any money you save as a result you can put away in an account for your child, (This is what I did and he is due it on his 18th in November when I will hand over his account details to him) or for further education, or even just to increase his or her comfort whilst in your care, on the face of things I would say your ex has decided to view the child as an income and thinks she may get more hard cash by her actions, in my case that certainly wasn't the case. Above all I wouldn't discuss it with the child

tinker1

wonderdebt wrote: »

Hi,

I was contacted by the CSA this morning - my ex has instigated a private claim after years of us having a private agreement.

I have my son around 14 nights a month - thats pretty close to half his life. I pay for food, clothes, trips out, holidays, private health care, school dinners and all the costs associated with running a 2 bedroom house so that has always had his own room at my home. I have also always paid my share of child care. I always say to my ex, if you buy anything, keep the receipt and I will pay my share. We both have shared responsibility for our son, and I have never shirked that.

What I don't understand is why the CSA can still ask me for money, even if I were to have my son more nights a week than my ex. It's all based on whoever is in receipt of the weekly child benefit - which is mad.

My ex first told me she was being forced into going to the CSA because she is in receipt of housing benefit - this morning I found out she has been lying and that it has been her choice to start a private claim.

What can I do to fight this?

We were rather in the same boat as you but with 3 children. I found I was having my children for 2/3 of the time and my ex wife had the 3 child benfit books. I waited till I had a final settlement with her and then applied to child benefit office for the 3 childrens benefit books so it would all be paid to me. Of course child bft office erred on her side and believed all her lies but they did give me 2 childrens books leaving her with one. It was a hell of a form to fill in but it stopped her being able to claim through the csa. Also at the time she was earning much more than me. Surely if you pay for their private health insce etc and you have the children for more nights than her then you should be entitled to the child benefit. My advice would be to get the chld benefit paid to you and thereefore stop her ability to make a claim off you through the dreaded csa. Good luck with your application for the child benefit

ben500

Indeed the child benefit book is the golden key when dealing with the csa

tinker1

Another bit of advice. It's very tedious collecting piles of receipts but is only way to get the chld benefit book. Every little item such as haircuts clothes outings, any extra lessons, days out, school books, chemists, doctors visits. It might help if they are still registered with your local doctor. Their pets and where they are kept. A log of where the children stay, preferably with backup e3vidence of another person just in case other side dispute where they were staying. You litereally have to be one jump ahead if you are dealing with a compulsive lier as I was

kelloggs36

Excellent advice there. I had to re-claim the child benefit for my DD some years ago as she was with me for 4 nights per week and her dad 3 nights. Initially they refused to change the claim over as there was not enough evidence to change it, however as my ex's wife refused to put her claims in writing and I wrote an extremely detailed account of when my DD came to me I got it in the end.

tinker1

what I learnt when I did the claim for the chld bft books was that the people who decide dont bother to find out which side is telling the truth in their applications. We all know divorce is full of lies. But they decide on the basis of what they receive on the forms. They didnt even ask me for further backup evidence, which they should have done as my ex was lying. Proof of pudding is that lies do actually win when dealing with these authorities who make these decisions about right and wrong. All very sad it can happen that way. That's why I must emphasise send all the paperwork receipts you can possibly muster to forstall other sides lies.

wonderdebt

Hi,

I feel like there will be nothing I can do.

We pretty much have shared care, but if anything, she has a little more than me. These extra days she has certainly do not really cost her any more money than it does me to bring our child up.

It seems that on every level, a fathers rights and more importantly a child right to be with his or her dad, are much less than they are with the mother.

Ben500 - This has all come about because of lifestyle changes and choices in her life in the past few months - you are so right about making sure my child see's the money, instead of it subsidizing my ex's choice to work a 4 day week, smoke, have plenty of holidays abroad etc etc

I guess I will have to go through the motions of filling in the forms, waiting for the calculation and then I will dispute it based on the amount of money I already spend on my son.

FTD

Hi
I understand what your feeling, i've been through it!
I only have one bit of ... advice.. that I can add to the already good advice given here...

Other than leaving work, or the country, there's not much else can be done.

I've accepted it for a long time now. After you get over the initial shock and frustration (and feelings of wanting to pay thousands to get your ex-other half horribly mutilated with baseball bats with nails sticking out of 'em), If you end up having to pay £xxx a month, you just have to remind yourself that it's something you have no control over ... so don't let it get you down.

I stopped fretting over things I have no control over years ago, don't let it make you old before your time!!!
If I was assessed under the new system, i'd be paying a lot less than I am now, but I have no control over it so I accept it and get on with things.

Best of luck mate.


FTD

(single Dad with child 50% of the time... and no child benefit book!!!!)

ben500

FTD wrote: »

Hi
I understand what your feeling, i've been through it!
I only have one bit of ... advice.. that I can add to the already good advice given here...

Other than leaving work, or the country, there's not much else can be done.

I've accepted it for a long time now. After you get over the initial shock and frustration (and feelings of wanting to pay thousands to get your ex-other half horribly mutilated with baseball bats with nails sticking out of 'em), If you end up having to pay £xxx a month, you just have to remind yourself that it's something you have no control over ... so don't let it get you down.

I stopped fretting over things I have no control over years ago, don't let it make you old before your time!!!
If I was assessed under the new system, i'd be paying a lot less than I am now, but I have no control over it so I accept it and get on with things.

Best of luck mate.


FTD

(single Dad with child 50% of the time... and no child benefit book!!!!)

Yes but you still have control over that surplus that a lot of fathers pay over and above csa payment such as holidays, school trips, clothing all those little extra's you may have contributed to, take that money and put it somewhere where your child can benefit from it directly, as the op says, stop subsidising your ex's household, it may seem to some selfish or wrong to deny the ex some kind of help, but your are not, the csa has decided that the child needs x amount to provide for it. Put the extra towards the child and the child alone not the estranged household. When you realise just how much this amounts to (or at least did in my case) you will have an idea how much you have been overcommiting yourself in ignorance in the past.
I don't want to sound harsh but I don't see why in my case I should be penalised for not being given the opportunity to raise a child as I fully hoped I would when planning that child, things have got a little better than when I was subject to the blatant disregard for my role as a parent, unfortunately it is still too often the case that the father is considered to be needing to demonstrate any right to residency of the child. I don't know either of your particular circumstances surrounding your estrangement of your children, but if my experience is anything to go by you have my heartfelt sympathy, that said part time parenting CAN be just as effective it just takes so much more effort and self control.

Lil2002

Also, if this is a private claim, it can be closed at any time by the parent with care.

If the assessment works out lower than the grand total of money the OP was paying originally, his ex may want to go back to the way things were before - which, since you would both know what the assessment through the CSA would be, would be a personal decision.

Plenty of claims have been made in the past where the parent with care was sure they would get more money - and then been very disappointed when the calculation has been done.

All the best to you.